"Funny, you don't look Jewish" - Jewish jokes from the 1950s

The expression "Funny, you don't look Jewish" has been around for a long time. It was even  lampooned in the Beatles' cartoon movie Yellow Submarine which was released in 1968.

It is clearly the punchline for a joke - a joke that was so well known that the punchline itself could be re-used for other jokes and the listener would get it.

But what was the original joke?

I finally found it in an article about Jewish humor written for the Zionist magazine Midstream in the 1950s.

A lady approaches a very dignified man on the subway and asks him, "Pardon me for asking, but are you Jewish?" He coldly replies, "No."

She returns in a moment and apologetically asks again, "Are you sure you're not Jewish?" Yes, he is sure.

Still not convinced, she asks a final time, "Are you absolutely sure you're not Jewish?"

The man breaks down and admits it, "All right, all right, I am Jewish." To which she makes the rejoinder, "That's funny. You don't look Jewish."

 The article includes some really good jokes that reflect the Jewish American mindset of the time: Jews were still discriminated against, but in the aftermath of the Holocaust, complaining about it seemed petty. Jews were assimilating, but still felt guilty about it and struggled between being Jewish and wanting to be accepted to be as American as a WASP. Jews could be self-deprecating but if non-Jews would make the same jokes it was obviously antisemitic.

The article itself is very serious, but the jokes are funny (and many would be considered politically incorrect today.) Here are some of them that I had never heard before.

A Jew is discussing the Jewish problem with a Gentile in the Old Country. The Gentile contends that Jews cheat and lie. The Jew replies that they really are smarter than Goyim and sets out to prove it. He brings his companion to a Gentile store and asks for some matches, but refuses them when they are offered saying, "These matches light at the wrong end. I want the kind \ that light at the other end." Proprietor: "I'm sorry these are the only kind we have." They then proceed to a Jewish establishment, where the same transaction takes place. This time however, the Jewish businessman shouts to his helper, "Moishe, bring me those matches from the new consignment." He hands over the matches, turning them around. Outside the store, the Jew triumphantly faces the Gentile, exclaiming, "See!" The latter protests, "But maybe the first store didn't get that new consignment." 

An aged Jew, dressed in traditional East European garb, black gabardine, white socks, kaftan, with long payes, appears in a Deep Southern town. He is an immediate object of curiosity. A crowd assembles and follows him. After a few moments his patience is tried. He turns on the crowd and says in a thick Yiddish accent, "What's the matter? Didn't you ever see a Yankee before?" 

Maxie  was a terrible soldier: In basic training lie never cleaned his rifle. When he marched with the troops he seemed to have two left feet. He was always getting commands wrong. His company commander had little hope for him when they went into battle, but was surprised to find Maxie receiving the Congressional Medal of Honor for holding off an entire German regiment single-handed while his platoon moved to a safer position, saving, thereby, many lives and an important military position. The company commander demanded of Maxie's platoon leader how he had managed this superhuman feat of leadership. Replied the lieutenant, "Why I just handed Maxie a machine gun, patted him on the shoulder, and announced, 'Now, Maxie, you're in business for yourself!' " 

A Jewish gangster has been in a gun fight with police. As he staggers into his mother's East Side apartment, nearly in extremis, his hands on a big bloody wound, he gasps, "Ma, ma, I-I've been hit. . . ." Mama says, "Eat. Eat. Later we'll talk." 

Some missionizing Quakers make great inroads in a Long Island Synagogue, converting a sizeable number of its members. This prompts the Rabbi to say, "Some of my best Jews are Friends." 

The government of Israel is worried about its unpopularity in foreign countries. So Ben-Gurion hires a market research company in New York to find out why people don't like Israel. The company does an exhaustive study and boils it down to this, "The reason you are unpopular is because Israel is identified with Jews. We therefore recommend that you change your name from Israel to Irving." 

A Jewish girl calls up her mother, and the following conversation ensues: 

"Mama, I'm married." 

"Mazel Too! That's wonderful." 

"But, mama, my husband is a Catholic."

 "So? Not everyone is a Jew." 

"But, mama, he's a Negro." 

"What of it? The world has all kinds. We gotta be tolerant." 

"But mama, he has no job." 

"Nu? That's all right." 

"But, mama, we have no place to stay." 

"Oh, you'll stay right here in this house." 

"Where, mama? There's no room." 

"Well, you and your husband can sleep in our bedroom. Papa will sleep on the sofa." 

"Yes, but, mama, where will you sleep?" 

"Oh, don't worry about me, darling. As soon as I hang up I'm going to drop dead." 

Three Reform Rabbis are arguing about which of them is the most thoroughly Reform. 

The first one remarks, "My temple is so Reform that there are ashtrays in every pew. The congregation can smoke while it prays." 

"You think that's Reform?" asks the second Rabbi. "In my temple there is a snack bar. The congregation can eat while it prays—especially on Yom Kippur." 

"Gentlemen," says the third Rabbi, "as far as I am concerned, you are practically Orthodox. In my temple, every Rosh Hashonah and Yom Kippur, there are signs on the doors saying, 'Closed for the Holidays.' " 

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