Elder Of Ziyon - Israel News: humor

Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Sunday, September 28, 2025

Latest batch of EoZ cartoons and memes

(This is from August)

(It's gotten worse)

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"He's an Anti-Zionist Too!" cartoon book (December 2024)

PROTOCOLS: Exposing Modern Antisemitism (February 2022)

Latest batch of EoZ Cartoons

Buy EoZ's books on Amazon!

"He's an Anti-Zionist Too!" cartoon book (December 2024)

PROTOCOLS: Exposing Modern Antisemitism (February 2022)

NGOs Go Full Palestinian, Offer Lifetime Pensions To Anyone Who Attacks US Conservatives (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

Check out their Facebook and Substack pages.

New York, September 18 - Progressive groups took a final step today to make themselves just like their darlings in the Middle East, emulating President Mahmoud Abbas with a promise to pay hundreds of dollars each month to the relatives of those who perpetrate terrorism against American figures and institutions that stand in the way of the progressive agenda, just as Abbas rewards terrorism against Israelis.

Various leftist organizations, including If Not Now, Students for Justice in Palestine, Code Pink, and Committee for American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) issued a joint statement this afternoon, in which they all but formalized their coalition's transformation into a replica of, and a vehicle primarily for the advancement of, Palestinian ideals and policies in the US.

Open Society Foundations - the funding arm of progressive financier George Soros - spokesman Lev Medammem made the announcement on behalf eleven local and national organizations working to strengthen the Palestinian cause in American public discourse. OSF grants keep all of the organizations afloat and functioning, and the groups agreed to have Medammem issue the collective statement for them.

"So much remains to be done in the progressive sphere," Medammem explained. "That indicates we must redouble our efforts to transform the world, and movement on that front has proved frustratingly slow. Therefore, to speed things along In Our Lifetime, to give one of our grantees a shoutout, we must mount even more radical direct actions, much in the way Palestinian armed struggle has kept that cause at the top of the international agenda for decades. Emulating Palestinians will surely bring us closer to the ideal."

The statement contained few specifics, but if the new funding program follows the same model as the Palestinian pay-for-slay policy, it will provide the perpetrators themselves if they survive their operations, and the perpetrator's immediate family if the perpetrator does not survive. The monthly payment will increase in proportion to the number of victims killed, with lesser amounts paid if the victims incur only injury. It remains unclear whether, like the Palestinian policy, the payments will only take place if the victims are Jews.

Simone Zimmerman of If Not Now suggested running A/B split testing. "Some of the organizations can pay only when Jews are killed," she explained, "while others, such as Code Pink, can maintain their broader focus on bringing down the West, and pay lifetime pensions whenever a Westerner is killed or maimed. Then, after some time, we all get together and do some analysis of which one is more effective.

Buy EoZ's books on Amazon!

"He's an Anti-Zionist Too!" cartoon book (December 2024)

PROTOCOLS: Exposing Modern Antisemitism (February 2022)

Israeli Political Parties Struggle To Attract US Immigrants Used To Larger-Scale Corruption (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

Check out their Facebook and Substack pages.

Jerusalem, September 11 - American expatriates living in the Jewish State have shown no great enthusiasm for Likud, Labor, any of the newer factions that feature in the country's politics, studies indicate, with analysts attributing the phenomenon to the much smaller economy and therefore much-less-impressive scope of graft that makes those local organizations, however iconic in the culture, appear pathetic and backwater.

With a handful of loquacious exceptions over the decades, Israeli politics has attracted comparatively few immigrants from the US. A new examination of the failure of Israeli political parties to engage American immigrants in numbers commensurate with their share of the population and the demographic's relative wealth and education argues that the effort to recruit immigrants from the US - who number anywhere from 150,000 to 200,000, not including children born to them in Israel - has mostly failed because Israeli politicians cannot engage in nearly the same magnitude of corruption as the politicians those voters encountered while living stateside, and the difference between the two cohorts of criminals renders the Israeli political class a pale, D-List imitation at best.

"Israel's entire government budget is about six hundred billion shekels per annum," explained political scientist Nepo Olmert-Kronyberg. "That puts it on par with just the state of Oregon, and in the same ballpark as New York City. Bupkis, as far as any American is concerned. The level of graft, embezzlement, and 'protektzia' in the Israeli political system can't hope to match what US politics can produce at just a step above the county or town level. It makes whatever corruption [Prime Minister Binyamin] Netanyahu is accused of look paltry and a waste of time as far as any American is concerned."

A select few Americans have sought involvement in Israeli politics; none have progressed beyond legislative or advisory roles in the government. The most famous example, Rabbi Meir Kahane, saw his Kach Party banned from running for Knesset because of its explicit anti-Arab racism. Netanyahu himself spent many formative years in the US, but even his graft ambitions face the inescapable constraints of a national cash flow that cannot hold a candle to the scale that even an ex-Miami resident considers respectable.

"Israel's economy has grown steadily over the decades," allowed analyst Moelle Mirma. "Perhaps it will reach the point where American expats will consider the amount involved in government corruption worthy of their attention and involvement. Just as likely, though, the US will become hostile to continued Jewish presence, and within a generation or two, there will be no one left in Israel who even remembers the scale of corruption in American politics, and Israeli political corruption will be seen as the right amount."

Buy EoZ's books on Amazon!

"He's an Anti-Zionist Too!" cartoon book (December 2024)

PROTOCOLS: Exposing Modern Antisemitism (February 2022)

How Many Irreplaceable Men Must Die Before Enough Children Die To Force The World To Stop Israel? by Mahmoud Zahar (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

Check out their Facebook and Substack pages.

How Many Irreplaceable Men Must Die Before Enough Children Die To Force The World To Stop Israel?

by Mahmoud al-Zahar, Hamas co-founder, senior official, semi-retired

Ankara, September 4 - When we embarked on this glorious Al Aqsa Flood operation nearly two years ago, the Resistance did not expect events to play out exactly as they have. We assumed that, as every other time the violence got too out of hand, the international community would compel the Jews to cease fire while we celebrated the Islamic victory inherent in causing Jews to suffer, regardless of the cost to us. But we do know the cost: the number of precious fighters we lose in the effort to put our kids in harm's way in sufficient quantity to spark international condemnation of the Zionists and get them to halt their operations without achieving anything decisive. And that cost, contrary to our assessments, has proved higher than anyone expected, and the losses may well affect our ability to govern effectively. Now we must ask: How Many Irreplaceable Men Must Die Before Enough Children Die To Force The World To Stop Israel?

Every other time, the images and stories of suffering women and children, most of them fabrications, met the requirements of the reflexive antisemitism of the West, giving them a pretext to threaten the Jews to pull back, and have nothing to show for their casualties and expenditures. Sometimes we even kept the hostages we took!

Not this time. Our allies betrayed us. Hezbollah failed to open a second front concurrent with our operation, and by the time they did, the moment had passed. We made less progress on the seventh of October than we had assumed we would - the Zionists are still not demoralized and fleeing! How many years of shooting ourselves in the foot will it take for us to win?

Of course we are not to blame. That would be shameful, and shame is for others. We do not admit error. Perish the thought of any change in assumptions, strategy, or, Allah forbid, values! Every failure must be because of betrayal, not through any shortcoming of ours! Thus the Nakba, the Naksa, and every catastrophe since. We will have our vengeance on those who force us to sacrifice more men than we intended, so that more of our children die than we expected, so that it takes longer for the world to force Israel to leave us alone so we can do October 7 all over again in a few years.

Maybe we should get our allies in the NGOs and UN to demand that Israel allow in replacement fighters.

Buy EoZ's books on Amazon!

"He's an Anti-Zionist Too!" cartoon book (December 2024)

PROTOCOLS: Exposing Modern Antisemitism (February 2022)