"I Can’t Believe I Ate Those Bears’ Porridge – They’re Zionists!" by Goldilocks (PreOccupied Territory)

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I Can’t Believe I Ate Those Bears’ Porridge – They’re Zionists! by Goldilocks

Tewkesbury, January 23 - This is so embarrassing. I must do better. It turns out the home I sneaked into the other day when I was tired and hungry, and where I ate and rested, was occupied not by just any ursines, but ursines who want to genocide the Palestinians and establish a Jewish ethnostate! I cannot believe I platformed them like that.

I could make excuses, as some do, when they fail to adhere in any meaningful way to the Boycott, Divest, Sanction principles. We see it all the time with technology and pharmaceuticals. But I refuse to compromise on this. Well, except for technology and pharmaceuticals, without which you would not be reading this. My point is, I will own up to not doing due diligence on the political leanings of the home occupants - excuse me, occupiers, not occupants, since it's Zionists we're talking about - and resolve to take greater care going forward not to legitimize Zionists even inadvertently by sharing space with them.

My colleagues have asked whether there were any indications in the house itself that the bears held Zionist ideology. I must confess I recall nothing that aroused suspicion. In retrospect, perhaps that should have raised a red flag, because Zionists work extra hard to portray themselves as normal, even good. See: pinkwashing, or participation in international sporting competitions. But I was probably too hungry and tired to notice.

The chairs of various hardness and softness gave no sign of having been violently taken from indigenous Palestinians. Sure, hindsight now tells me I should have understood the metaphor of assuming I was "entering an empty house" like no one lived there, and treating it as my own. I get the analogy. But it's not intuitive if you're not already thinking that way. I have to do better and think that way all the time. Stay angry.

And the porridge! You'd think porridge is porridge. But I've since been told that indigenous Palestinian porridge is different from the swill that Zionists now claim as their own, whether it's too hot, too cold, or just right.

This is neither here nor there, but someone should look into the hows and whys of a family of bears leaving their porridge on the table long enough for a little girl to spend a good bit of time in the house and only then begin tasting the gruel, yet each serving of porridge remains in its paradigmatic state of too hot, too cold, and just right, respectively, the entire time.

Anyway, I'm glad I got out of there when I did.

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Supermarkets Banking A Little Too Much On Shoppers' Enthusiasm For Tu B'Shvat (PreOccupied Territory)

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Supermarkets Banking A Little Too Much On Shoppers' Enthusiasm For Tu BiShvat  

Jerusalem, January 16 - Retail grocery stores have again decided to assume a far greater interest among Israeli consumers in dried fruits, nuts, date spread, and various fruit preserves than actually exists among the buying public, industry observers noted today, as evident in the elaborate displays of such products, either individually or in gift packages, in honor of the upcoming New Year for Trees.

At Osher Ad, a chain of large supermarkets that caters in the main to Haredi consumers, store managers at the Giv'at Shaul branch have created an elaborate spread of such delicacies in anticipation of buyers snatching them up ahead of Tu BiShvat, the fifteenth of the month of Sh'vat - a day that in Jewish tradition and law marks a new year for various agriculturally-related commandments such as tithing fruit. Tu BiShvat will occur this year in about four weeks. Whether shoppers intend to buy anything for it, however, remains a tenuous assumption.

"It's gonna be huge," predicted Polly Anna, an assistant manger. "Lots of ads mention it. Companies give their workers fruits and stuff for it. Preschools make a big deal of it. Must be a tremendous time for sales. I remember bringing home Tu BiShvat stuff from school such as dried figs and dates, and my mom would get so excited! We never ate any of it, though. Just kind of put it out with dessert over the next several weeks until acknowledging no one wanted."

The origins of the day's observance comes from ancient texts that identify the fifteenth of Sh'vat as the day by which most of the winter's rain has fallen, and thus it became a harbinger of spring and the next season's harvest - an intuitive line to draw for defining fruit-tithing seasons and for uniform determination of what year of a tree's productive life yielded fruit (the first three are forbidden, while the fourth must be eaten in Jerusalem). Later centuries saw the harbinger-of-spring aspect of Tu BiShvat evolve into both a time of hope amid cold, dark exile and persecution, and a celebration of the bounty of land to which the Jews longed to return; it sits at the annual pole opposite Tu B'Av, a day of hope and potential for love even after catastrophe.

Since the only way to obtain fruits at all, and certainly the more exotic fruits associated with the land of Israel, in climes such as Eastern Europe, involved dried figs, dates, or raisins, those items became associated with Tu BiShvat even though no one actually likes them.

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Red Triangle Shortage Hampering Hamas Achievements (PreOccupied Territory)

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Red Triangle Shortage Hampering Hamas Achievements

Jabaliya, January 9 - Israel's restrictions on materials that may enter the Gaza Strip have put a strain on terrorist logistics there, with the most acute lack the supply of small red shapes to place just above images of IDF soldiers or vehicles in "Resistance" footage, local sources disclosed today.

Recent months have seen a dramatic drop in the number of available inverted red triangles that Hamas use to identify Israeli targets, figures within the organization acknowledged Thursday, partly as a result of their profligate use in the first few weeks and months of the current war, and partly as a result of Israel successfully clamping down on both the smuggling of the items into Gaza and destroying production sites within the coastal territory.

The initial phase of the IDF incursion into the Gaza Strip in early November 2023 followed the October 7 Massacre, in which Hamas men and Gaza civilians went on a murder, destruction, looting, torture, rape and kidnapping spree in southern Israel. 100 hostages and bodies of hostages remain held in Gaza.

During that initial ground operation, Hamas propagandists took great pride in posting to social media footage of attacks on IDF troops, with the characteristic flashing red triangle indicating the target as the clip paused for a second to let the viewer know what was bring shown. The propagandists intended for the clips to both boost Palestinian and pro-Hamas morale at home and abroad, and to demoralize Israelis. However, the distribution of the clips conflicted with the primary pro-Hamas narrative in which helpless Palestinians faced genocide.

In late December 2023 or early January 2024, Hamas leaders decided to scale back the deployment of red triangles, in consideration of both the cross-purposes of the propaganda and the Islamist organization's dwindling polygon stockpiles. "We can't aim properly if we don't have the triangles," admitted one of the group's few surviving field commanders.

Humanitarian organizations have tried to secure more red triangles for the Palestinians in Gaza, with no success. "Israel deprives them of these essential items as part of the genocide," lamented Agnes Callamard of Amnesty International. "I'm sure this is a core element of the case against [Prime Minister Binyamin] Netanyahu at [the International Court of Justice at] The Hague."

Experts explained that other shapes, even if available, do not offer the versatility and efficiency of the triangle in battlefield situations where the speed and precision of each tactical element can make the difference between a good and a bad propaganda shot.

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Activists Screaming For Someone, Anyone, To Stop Gaza Genocide Also Think Hamas Winning (PreOccupied Territory)

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London, January 2 - Supporters of the Palestinian cause who take fabricated reports of Israel targeting innocents at face value, resulting in what they claim to be hundreds of thousands of deaths, and who therefore demand that the international community act to aid the helpless Palestinians, simultaneously believe that the Palestinian militant group fighting against Israel kills Israeli soldiers at will and has sent them packing not just from battlefield after battlefield in Gaza, but from Israel itself.

"Stop the Genocide!" and "Victory is imminent from the River to the Sea!" cries emerge concurrently from the same quarters the world over, as activists struggle to decide on which message will resonate with the target audience: Hamas prowess or Palestinian victimhood. They therefore proclaim the slogans of both axioms.

The cognitive dissonance necessary to engage in both rhetorical avenues appears not to trouble those who engage in both lines of argument at the same time, observers say. "Hamas is this powerful military force that can strike the deepest fear in Zionist soldiers," noted journalist Hoyt Petard. "At the same time, every single Gazan is a journalist doctor humanitarian aid worker pregnant child woman. So who's killing all the Zionists?"

"What are the Zionists fleeing from?" wondered Dilly Hussein, a keyboard activist. "We have all these credible reports of Israelis crowding the airports to leave because of October 7 and rocket attacks and the Resistance, but of course there are no acts of violence by Palestinians, who are totally innocent and blameless. Do the glorious rockets exist? Only if you think you're talking to people who can either be intimidated or already want to back a strong horse. Otherwise, the rockets are either a desperate response to oppression which somehow succeed in striking enough terror into Jews to make large number of them level, but not enough terror to get them to stop the genocide."

A puzzled Hussein appeared stunned into silence by a reporter's suggestion that mighty Hamas do something to protect Gazans from the Israeli onslaught, the death toll from which ranges from somewhere around 40,000 - about half of them Hamas or affiliated men, according to IDF sources - to in the hundreds of thousands, as some activists seem to want.

After several moments, Hussein responded. "Since when is it an elected government's responsibility to provide for and protect its people?" he demanded. "What universe do you even live in that that's an expectation?"

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Palestine Activist Knows Hanukkah Candles AKSHULLY Celebrate Increasing Gaza Deaths (PreOccupied Territory)

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Berkeley, December 26 - Jewish households continue in the coming evenings to kindle their octuple lamps with wax or oil in celebration of a rededication to purpose and holiness even amid rampant degradation and hopelessness - but one observer has determined that the ancient Jewish practice in fact marks something far more sinister: the addition of one light each night glorifies, by analogy, the growing number of Palestinian casualties in an ongoing genocide.

Hassan Phipps, 20, made his discovery through logical deduction. "Once you start with the axiom that anything Zionists do is evil, or motivated by evil," the Students for Justice in Palestine campus activist explained, "the truth emerges quickly. Start with the realization that what they do is nefarious and deceitful - so lighting the candles is never the innocent or pure thing they make it out to be - and then the possibilities are limited to the obvious conclusions."

"No one celebrated Hanukkah until the Zionists made it a thing, to establish a fake connection to Palestine," he elaborated, repeating a talking point popular among Palestine propagandists. "They also must have fabricated any ancient sources that talk about it. It's pretty straightforward. So what are they really celebrating? Palestinian deaths, as they always do. It's the only thing that animates them. Nothing else explains Zionist behavior."

Phipps found various details of Hanukkah observance that also bear out the perversity. "The whole dreidel thing - it's not a simple game of chance - it's about plundering Palestine," he asserted. "It was a peaceful place where everyone lived in harmony until the Zionists came and slaughtered everyone so they could take the olive oil. That's why so many Zionists insist on using olive oil, and not just plain candles, to light their menorahs."

"I don't know why people don't see it. It's staring them in the face."

The activist's circle of comrade in social justice have followed similar reasoning in analysis of other aspects of Jewish practice. "Jews stole victimhood from Palestine," stated Palestine Action activist Yusuf Massoud. "They invited the Holocaust to happen so they could have the moral high ground to then do the same thing to Palestinians, and they keep trying to pretend Jews are still in danger when we all know there wouldn't be any danger to Jews if the Jews would just let Muslims have what's rightfully Muslim, which is everything."

Massoud, Phipps, and their comrades refused to hear anything about the ancient sources that mention no such ideas, calling those sources "satanic and Talmudic."

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Democrats Fear Trump Will Weaponize Defense Dept Against America's External Foes (PreOccupied Territory)

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Washington, December 19 - Senior Biden administration officials expressed their concerns today that as part of an anticipated revamping of government institutions that the president-elect and his associates have promised, the federal agencies that oversee US military operations might be repurposed for missions and policies aimed at undermining or curtailing opponents of the US and aiding her allies.

Outgoing Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin has cautioned media and government figures ever since Election Day that Donald Trump will weaponize the US Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, Space Force, and other forces under Department aegis against America's enemies, in a sharp break with policy under outgoing President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris, the latter of whom Trump defeated in the election.

"That's not what government institutions are for," insisted Austin. "Government institutions, as Presidents Obama and Biden have repeatedly modeled for us, serve the primary purpose of containing, weakening, and ultimately eliminating domestic political opposition. That can be through the Department of Justice, obviously, but the Internal Revenue Service of the Department of the Treasury also has an important role to play in targeting both individuals and organizations hostile to the Obama-Biden vision for America."

"It's dangerous to weaponize this department in particular against our rivals and foes," he continued. "I dread the thought of sanctions enforcement actually taking place against Iran's nuclear and ballistic missile programs, for example, or their facing American-led consequences for their decades-long destabilization of Iraq, Yemen, Syria, Iran, and the Palestinian Territories. Perish the thought of US military action to block the export of Iranian oil to China, or Iranian drones to Russia!"

Other defense officials fear that Trump might remove any restrictions Biden had placed on Israel or Ukraine in confronting enemies of the US. "If, as threatened, Trump insists on full supply of Israel to achieve victory, or Ukraine to strike anywhere in Russia," acknowledged one senior Pentagon official, "then our enemies might be effectively deterred. Our defense contractors would never stand for such a thing. Also, the grievance narratives that drive both Right and Left politics will have to find new conflicts to carry the valence necessary for grifting and generating clout. We can't have that."

Administrators at the Department of Defense and in the various Commands of the military have already ordered plans drawn up to defend against an anticipated "weaponization" of the Department that they expect will take the form of eliminating DEI programs.

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Netanyahu Trial Judge Keeps Calling Recesses To Watch Footage Of IDF Destroying Syrian Weapons (PreOccupied Territory)

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Tel Aviv, December 12 - Court proceedings regarding corruption allegations against Israel's prime minister have suffered repeated interruption, witnesses say, because the presiding justice has persistently stopped those proceedings to catch up on the latest video clips of Israeli airstrikes against military stockpiles and assets of the former Assad regime, lest they call into the hands of various jihadi rebel groups who also see Israel as an enemy.

Israeli premier Binyamin Netanyahu's trial for improper receipt of gifts, known in local shorthand as "Case 4000," began over the last week. Trouble began early, even as prosecutors began their opening statements, when, after about three minutes of the State Attorney starting to lay out the conceptual basis for the case against the prime minister, Judge Agatha Sidis of Tel Aviv-Yafo District Court ordered her to pause, as the time had come for an update on Israel's operations to destroy the remnants of Syrian naval, land, and air assets, as well as munitions, chemical weapons, and various other military facilities - with hundreds of airstrikes occurring just over the first night of the operation. Judge Sidis then spent fifteen minutes in her chambers before returning to the courtroom.

The phenomenon repeated itself six minutes later, just when the prosecutor felt she was hitting her stride. This time the recess lasted only twelve minutes, but the rhetorical momentum of the prosecution's opening statement had evaporated.

Netanyahu's attorney Amit Hadad fared little better. He got about thirty seconds into it before the judge again interrupted, this time inviting both attorneys into her chambers to view clips of the strikes together. The trio, plus two clerks and a bailiff, spent nearly half an hour reviewing footage of secondary explosions and of absolutely smashed naval vessels and Russia-supplied fighter jets, as well as images of tanks on fire and anti-aircraft batteries as charred wrecks.

Hadad restarted his spiel upon the reconvening of the session, only to face another interruption eight minutes later. This time, Judge Sidis ordered screens and speakers set up in the courtroom itself, and she then proceeded to show many of the videos she had already viewed in her chambers, while offering commentary and frequently pausing the playback to point out important details her audience might otherwise have missed.

She then ordered the bailiffs and clerks to make sure the audio and video equipment is already set up in advance of tomorrow's proceedings, so that no interruption of proceedings is necessary to get right to the important things.

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Zionism's Not Jewish - Most Zionists Aren't Jewish! Which Is Why We Only Attack Jewish Zionists. (PreOccupied Territory)

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Zionism's Not Jewish - Most Zionists Aren't Jewish! Which Is Why We Only Attack Jewish Zionists.  

by Zachary Foster

New York, December 5 - We anti-Zionists long ago grew tired of facing the baseless accusation the anti-Jewish sentiment animates our movement. Nothing could be further from the truth! We have nothing against Jews - only against the notion that Jews may establish a nation-state where anyone else might once have lived. We also oppose non-Jews who support that notion, who actually constitute the vast majority of those with that view! It isn't about Jews - so of course when we take action against the proponents of that racist notion, we focus on the Jewish proponents.

Get it out of your head that our opposition to Zionism stems from animus toward Jews. Where would you get such a ridiculous idea? Everyone honest acknowledges that anti-Zionism is not antisemitism, even if Zionists try to discredit anti-Zionists by pointing out how many anti-Zionists also happen to be antisemites. As if that matters. It matters about as much as our choosing to attack only Zionists who happen to be Jewish. Ridiculous, as I said.

A central pillar of the anti-Zionist approach that dismisses Jewish nationhood - it's just a religion - also involves pointing out that ninety-nine percent of the world's Zionists are not even Jewish. It's always been overwhelmingly supported by Christians. Almost by definition, that makes it not a Jewish movement. The number of Jews in favor of Zionism - I don't even need to mention all the Jews who oppose Zionism, but I love to mention it, and do so at every opportunity because it gives my position cover - is negligible in the sea of non-Jewish Zionists. It's effectively not about Jews at all! Obviously, to underline this point, our movement only confronts and attacks the vanishingly small minority of Zionists who are Jews.

This approach offers the added benefit if demonstrating to the world, and to Jews, that they do not need a state of their own at all to feel secure. I can think of no better way of showing Jews that they need not worry about placing their trust and well-being in the hands of their host cultures than by attacking them in those host cultures while other people mostly just look on or shrug.

Listen, we have no problem confronting non-Jewish Zionists. We might call them slurs normally reserved for Jews, but so what? If you can provide a list of non-Jewish synagogues we can picket or vandalize, we'll get right to it.

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International Tourism Down, Taxi Drivers Forced To Price-Gouge Israelis (PreOccupied Territory)

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Ben-Gurion International Airport, November 28 - Deprived by the consequences of an ongoing war of clueless visitors from abroad whom they can fleece by charging unreasonable rates, local cab operators find themselves struggling to generate the same extra cash by doing the same to the more seasoned, long-term residents of the country, an industry group reported today.

A spokesman for the Organization of Navigational Automotive Associates (ONAA) shared its members lament this morning that the lack of tourists since last October 7 has all but crippled taxi drivers' opportunities and abilities to gouge naive passengers with inflated prices, since the only remaining marks for the venerable scam are locals who are wise to any such attempts to defraud them.

"It's difficult to adapt to this situation," acknowledged Rami Ramai, ONAA's deputy director. "On paper, the standard, metered rate for a trip from the airport to, say, Jerusalem is a few hundred shekels, assuming only light traffic on the highway. On paper, that's supposed to cover the fuel, wear and tear, maintenance, insurance, and registration costs, plus a reasonable profit. But regardless of what the meter might say, often the driver and passenger will negotiate a flat sum for the trip in advance. Still, that's perfectly fine, and drivers know their lower limits. But again, that's just on paper - in reality we don't want merely a reasonable profit. We're here to exploit the innocent."

Ramai explained that while seasoned Israelis will not fall for the "I give you big discount" line, enough tourists do, resulting in flat sum notably in excess of what drivers can expect from local customers - and some drivers have become dependent on the extra income from fleecing foreign visitors, principally Americans. With the war since October 7, 2023, scaring off many airlines, foreign tourist traffic has decreased markedly, and with it, the opportunities to score exploitative profits from travelers - and putting nearly half of ONAA's members in a financial bind.

"A lot of us are still paying off mortgages, or loans for the taxis themselves," noted Ramai. "Even those who don't have to worry about those problems, most of them, are still reliant on the price-gouging to make the difference between mere subsistence and some measure of a comfortable lifestyle. Gouging tourists became, however informally, a fixed part of many families' budgeting. Now we have to find ways of separating less-gullible people, cynical and suspicious Israelis, from their money, and it's not easy."

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Defense Ministry Could Save 2 Billion Per Year By Not Ordering Donuts From Roladin (PreOccupied Territory)

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Tel Aviv, November 21 - An audit of spiraling military expenditures amid the current war has determined that the quickest, most effective avenue for cutting costs involves switching suppliers for the annual Hanukkah refreshments, and refraining from purchase of those products from a chain whose elegant holiday pastries make even the wealthy balk at the prices.

The authors of the study hope that their findings and recommendations will have an impact in time for this year's festivities: Hanukkah begins on the twenty-fifth of the Jewish month of Kislev, coinciding in 2024 with Wednesday night, December 25 - about a month from now. If Ministry of Defense and IDF staff can be prevailed upon to order donuts from sources other than Roladin, the authors write, then savings can amount to more than two billion shekels - about 530 million US dollars.

Defense Ministry spending could fall further, despite the mounting expenses of the October 7 war, already in its second year, if Hanukkah donuts expenditures disappear entirely - though the team of auditors doubt the feasibility of such a cut, which they worry could spark mutiny. However, the tantalizing possibilities of expanding such an austerity policy to other government entities has economists, government accountants, and civic watchdog groups thinking that the entire national budget could shrink by up to seventeen billion shekels per annum by forgoing Roladin Hanukkah donuts.

Jewish celebrations of Hanukkah have long featured the consumption of food fried in oil, a custom documented as far back as the High Middle Ages. The practice commemorates the Talmud's narrative of the festival's origins, when the Hasmoneans who liberated the Temple from Seleucid occupation in the second century BCE found only one undefiled flask of oil to light the candelabra as mandated in the books of Exodus and Numbers, a quantity sufficient for only one lighting. But it lasted a full eight nights, until new oil could be produced and procured. Earlier sources cite other reasons for the eight-day observance, but the story of the oil miracle fired the popular and gustatory imagination in more lasting ways.

Roladin, a cafe-style bakery and patisserie, has locations in every major Israeli city and town. Their year-round fare compares in price to other establishments of similar target markets. For Hanukkah, the chain has for years advertised its stylized, complex, and artistic donuts for Hanukkah - with a commensurate rise in the price of each one as the designs became more and more elaborate.

Market observers expect this year's Roladin offerings to include some new, even more expensive feature, such as pieces of the True Cross.

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Iran To Protect Navy, Oil From Israeli Strikes By Sinking Them Underwater (PreOccupied Territory)

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Bandar Abbas, November 17 - Escalating strikes between the Islamic Republic of Iran and Israel have leaders of the former worried about the vulnerability of its military and merchant vessels, a weak point in the regime's economic security, and as a result they have given preliminary approval to a plan that will send those vessels to the bottom of the Persian Gulf to prevent Israeli airstrikes or cruise missiles from hitting them, sources in Tehran reported today.

The Islamic Republic's continued support for various terrorist militias around the Jewish state, plus its own multiple ballistic and cruise missile attacks, prompted several Israeli reprisals and preemptive operations, the latest of which neutralized Iran's air defense systems, among other strategic targets, rendering sensitive and precarious pieces of the regime's strategic assets only one airstrike or other attack away from destruction or severe damage. Among those assets are elements of Iran's nuclear weapons program and the country's oil export facilities. Tehran will likely send those tankers and a number of both dockside and floating facilities to the sea bed, out of reach of Israeli bombs, missiles, or drones.

"Underwater environments wreak havoc with missile guidance systems," explained Iranian military expert Ayeet Mehrd. "Even pilots attempting to sight their targets visually cannot do so if the target lies below a certain depth. It makes obvious sense to protect whatever Iran can by sinking it in the Persian Gulf preemptively."

Analysts compared the move to siting important military installations or positions underground. "We know that tunnels and underground facilities are a staple of Iran and its proxies in the region," noted Mideast commentator Ahopyu Draoun. "Recent reports even have the Khamenei regime digging tunnels in Tehran itself. The principle for the maritime and naval assets is the same, but without all the digging."

Draoun also noted some potential pitfalls of the move. "Israel has a navy and even submarines," he observed. "Iran's defensive capabilities in that area are... less than impressive. Still, an Israeli operation all the way around the Arabian Peninsula, beyond the Strait of Hormuz, to hit those now-underwater targets, and back again, probably exceeds Israeli naval capabilities. Probably."

The Iranian sources further disclosed that the senior leadership of the regime had begun to lean in the direction of the submerging of the assets rather than a rival proposal involving the movement of the tankers into the interior of the country where Israeli naval assets could not reach them.

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