Thursday, September 30, 2021

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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barbed wireRamallah, September 30 - Humanitarian activists have failed yet again to penetrate the numerous layers of government oversight, regulation and approval plaguing this already-inefficient governmental system, NGOs lamented today, following what the groups called the fifty-third unsuccessful attempt to gain official go-ahead to open the first shelter for parentless children that will not euthanize or otherwise dispose of its charges if a certain period elapses with no one initiating adoption procedures.

Palestinian activists hoping to launch the autonomous territory's first no-kill orphanage announced Thursday that they will keep trying to gain certification and approval for their initiative, which they claim will avoid the unnecessary cruelty rampant in shelters that set a deadline beyond which any "undesired" children get put to death or sent out to conduct suicide attacks against Jews.

"We regret that our latest application to open the Jannah Rainbow Orphanage has been rejected," announced the initiative's chief proponent, pediatrician Alsaf Qrisaa. "The reason this time appears to be a lack of documentation in support of certain proposed activities and facilities. We know, however, that we submitted that documentation along with the rest of the application, multiple times, at the request of at least three clerks within the relevant government agencies. This is all the more frustrating because we have not sought government funding at all, relying as we do on donations from concerned private individuals and generous grants from overseas governments and NGOs." Qrisaa also implied that the chief factor behind the application's repeated rejection involves his group's principled refusal to bribe various Palestinian officials.

"The existing system, if we can even call it that, for orphaned children, condemns them to the bleak prospect of euthanasia or certain violent death if they cannot find adoptive parents by a certain age or time spent in care," explained child welfare advocate Infan Tissayid. "Most, if not all, of the programs for orphans are private endeavors, the bulk of which fall under the aegis of Hamas, Islamic Jihad, or one of several other Iran-funded enterprises aimed at undermining the legitimacy of Jewish sovereignty by forcing Israeli security forces to kill children who threaten Jewish lives. While most of Palestinian society applauds the goal, the method in question lacks the same broad support. There's definitely both space and necessity for an orphanage, perhaps a whole network of them, that aims to raise these children to be responsible citizens and not mere tools."

"Our biggest problem," she continued, "is that the Palestinian version of 'responsible citizen' includes a prioritization of hurting Israel over improving things for ourselves." 


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