Wednesday, September 16, 2015

  • Wednesday, September 16, 2015
  • Elder of Ziyon
Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

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Mecca, September 16 - The mayor of Islam's holiest city announced plans today to provide rocks to Palestinians on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem by breaking off pieces of the Kaaba building in the city's most famous mosque so that the Palestinians could be better-equipped to attack Jews attempting to visit.

Mayor of Mecca Dr. Osama bin Fadhel Al-Bar responded to allegations that his country was doing little to help protect the Al Aqsa compound from defilement, saying that he was prepared to order the demolition of the revered Kaaba, including its ancient, venerated Black Stone, so that Palestinian protesters would have enough rocks to throw at Jews and Israeli police. The mayor, who was appointed by the Saudi government, insisted that no cause was more sacred to the Muslim world than the preservation of Islamic rule over Jerusalem's holiest site.

"Only fools genuinely believe that we in Arabia are doing nothing for the holy Palestinian cause," he said. "In fact it is not the 'Palestinian' cause at all, but the sacred duty of every Muslim to resist the Zionists by whatever means possible. If that means destroying the Kaaba piece by piece and delivering the fragments to our brothers at Al Aqsa to use as projectiles in preventing infidels from conducting their Talmudic rituals on the Haram al-Sharif, so be it." He added that partial demolition of the Kaaba could begin as early as next week, to allow pilgrims already en route to Mecca to perform their seven-fold circumambulation of it as planned.

As for the Black Stone at the Kaaba's eastern corner, Al-Bar said its holiness had been superseded by the all-encompassing resistance to Zionism, and it, too, would be removed from the structure to be thrown or slung at infidels. "In fact the Black Stone has been fragmented several times already, so this act would represent no further indignity," he explained. "I would think it the highest honor to be part of the noble resistance to usurpation of Al Aqsa."

Al-Bar dismissed concerns that the site of the Kaaba would become diminished in Islamic practice if the structure is dismantled. "The Black Stone itself was taken and held for ransom more than a thousand years ago, and only brought back after several decades," he said, referring to a tenth-century episode. "During that time its original location was still venerated. There is no reason that cannot be done again."

Scholars are debating the legitimacy under Islamic Law of the move. "Historically, the area around the Kaaba has been deemed a war-free zone, so one could argue it is inappropriate to be using the very object so venerated in that bubble of peace as a weapon," said Professor of Islamic Thought Sakri Lejj. "Technically, though, since the conflict zone in question is far away from Mecca, there would be no violation."

Others disagreed, but not necessarily on Sharia grounds. "It would make more sense politically, economically, and tactically, to sell the fragments on the international market, and raise money for some serious weapons systems for the Palestinians," argued theology scholar Ayit Bulbul. "Because we love them so much. Right? I mean, isn't that why Arab states keep Palestinian refugees in camps, restrict their employment, and deny them citizenship?"

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