Thursday, September 29, 2022

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Borough Park familyNew York, September 29 - A business owner with a bias against employing Haredim also accuses Haredim of living off welfare at the expense of the taxpayer instead of getting jobs, associates of the entrepreneur reported today.

Joseph Corell, 40, of Brooklyn's Midwood neighborhood, has on more than one occasion refused to hire any Jew who adheres to the dress code of the "ultra-orthodox" community, sources indicate, while blaming the same group for miring the next generation in poverty by not working or pursuing education outside traditional Jewish content.

"Parasites," Corell was heard to mutter after rereading a New York Times article on the alleged academic underperformance of certain Hasidic schools. Corell has turned down six Hasidic and "yeshivish" orthodox jobseekers at his air conditioning repair business in the last four years, despite the advertised position requiting no prior training, education, or professional experience, instead waiting until other candidates applied.

The phenomenon recurred this week, a subordinate reported, when the boss faked his absence from the office after a yeshiva alumnus entered to apply for an assistant technician position. Ten minutes after the Haredi Jew departed, Corell reemerged from the kitchenette where he had been hiding and greeted another applicant with no high school diploma or equivalency exam, whom he hired immediately.

"I don't care if you don't have a degree," he stated. "At least you're not a lazy good-for-nothing welfare queen who wants the state to pay for your kids' religious indoctrination. Why won't those people just get a job?"

Subordinates note that in each case of refusing to hire the religious Jew, Corell had a plausible pretext: feigning unawareness of the applicant; "losing" the candidate's contact information; pretending a different applicant came earlier; or making excuses about passing a drug test first, which, while required by city and state regulations, Corell never demands of other applicants, while in the meantime waiting for other candidates to apply and take the job.

Casual conversations with the business owner also featured assumptions on his part that unprovoked assaults on visibly-Jewish residents of the city over the last several years, many of which have been captured on video, must have involved the victims inviting the attacks somehow, despite the footage showing no such impetus. "I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions about them just based on what I see, because you can't always trust your eyes," he explained.




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