Thursday, September 22, 2022

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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mosquitoCairo, September 22 - Egyptian scientists claimed today to have blown the lid off a longtime operation through which Zionists have conducted a clandestine project to gather, process, and exploit Arab genetic material in the development and manufacture of terrible warfare methods to use against Palestinians and other enemies: miniature drones that look and act like a stinging insect but no such insect exists in nature.

Entomologists at the University of Cairo announced today that they have confirmed a hypothesis several researchers posited years ago, namely that the Anopheles mosquito, the most common variety that collects blood from humans, emerged not millions of years ago through natural evolution, but at most several centuries ago through the vile machinations of a Jewish laboratory cabal bent on suppressing, controlling, and eliminating the native Arab population of the Levant in an effort to displace them.

"We've finally been able to confirm one of our leading theories," declared lead researcher Dr. Daoud Trustmi. "It turns out that there are literally hundreds of species of mosquito, almost none of which take blood from humans. But we're supposed to believe there's this tiny handful of them that just happens to like human blood, when literally hundreds of millions of other animals are out there, and in much greater numbers? Sus."

"We knew there was something wrong with the way everyone just assumed human-attracted mosquitos were a natural thing," he continued. "So we applied one of the tried-and-true methods of virtuous crusaders - pardon the loaded term - for truth that most people dismiss as crackpots: qui bono? Who stands to benefit? Since Zionists stand to benefit from such a scheme, that must be proof of its existence. the same flawless logic stands at the foundation of everything we know about 9-11, for example."

Dr. Trustmi acknowledged the clever propaganda move by Zionists of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries in planting trees to drain the malaria-infested swamps of Palestine. "They got everyone thinking they were opposed to mosquito-borne diseases and such," he explained. "But the whole time it was all a ruse to get us all to let our guard down. Who would suspect the very people who eliminated so many mosquito-borne pathogens of using mosquitos to further their imperialistic designs?"

The research team offered a hat tip to American activists fighting an uphill battle to convince the public that birds do not exist anymore, having been replaced over the last century by government drones to spy on the populace.




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