Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

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barbed wireGaza City, June 14 - Openness that many hope will come in the aftermath of a summit between the leaders of the US and North Korea has officials in the Islamist movement that governs Gaza hoping they can provide expertise to the dictator of the latter country in such areas where they have significant experience, such as depriving one's population of essential goods and investing resources instead in near-suicidal, Sisyphean projects for purposes of threatening neighbors.

A spokesman for Hamas told reporters today (Wednesday) that while the long-term outcome of the warming relations between the US and North Korea remains undetermined, Kim Jong-un's administration in Pyongyang could benefit from more than a decade of experience that the organization has accrued since overthrowing Fatah in a violent coup in 2007.

"Mr. Kim has much to learn from us, and we are willing teachers," stated Yahya Sinwar, who leads the movement within the Gaza Strip. "The many parallels between our situations invite collaboration across a range of issues, but most importantly, we have much in common in our preference for conflict over prosperity. Both societies stand to gain from a sharing of information and expertise in that arena."

"Of course our situations differ somewhat, in that non of our people are starving, thanks to the UN, whereas Kim starves his own people," continued Sinwar. "But the principle remains the same. He diverts crucial resources that could feed his people into his nuclear and military programs, whereas we allocate every available dollar to tunnels for attacking Israel and smuggling or hiding weapons for killing Israelis, but overall, we're engaged in the same kind of activity, and I'm sure we can help each other out."

"It's telling that the Trump-Kim summit took place in Singapore," remarked Ismail Haniyeh, whom Sinwar succeeded in Gaza and now heads Hamas's political echelon from Qatar. "It's always Singapore that our critics cite in noting that we have chosen to make fighting Israel our only priority rather than invest in peaceful infrastructure and economic enhancements - that we could be like Singapore if we stopped making jihad our raison d'être. Well, we'd rather be like North Korea, thank you very much. We already have so much in common: an alliance with Iran, ties to Syria, a knack for abusing our own people, taking and holding foreign hostages, and a dream of conquering territory that we have pursued for decades despite that quest condemning our people to prolonged suffering."

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