Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

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Credit: Softeis via Wikimedia Commons
Credit: Softeis via Wikimedia Commons
Durban, December 27 - Leaders of the Boycott, Divest, Sanctions movement that singles out the world's only Jewish state have responded to criticism that their declared concern for human rights extends only to where Jews can be blamed, by announcing a campaign to call for political, economic, cultural, and diplomatic pressure on the European nation of Vulgaria, which also violates the rights of those under its dominion.

Mustafa Barghouti, Rania Khalek, and several other prominent BDS activists issued a joint statement this morning (Wednesday) to the effect that the movement seeks to dispel the false accusation of hypocrisy by highlighting at least one place other than Israel whose alleged misdeeds must be combated through BDS.

"We have in the past dismissed characterization of our emphasis on Israel's oppression of Palestinians as attempts to distract from the issue," the statement read. "However, following extensive consultations with many of our activists around the globe, we decided to make a good faith gesture to demonstrate our sensitivity to concerns that our actions match our rhetoric. We therefore call on all governments, companies, organizations, artists, academics, and institutions to cease all contacts with Vulgaria and its officials effective immediately."

The statement continued with a description of the Vulgarian regime's mistreatment of its indigenous population. "Baron and Baroness Bomburst must cease their depredations against their people," it declared. "Practices such as child-catching and a ban on producing or raising children carry ominous echoes of everything we accuse Israel of doing against Palestinians, and must stop."

BDS movement figures explained that Vulgaria represents a compromise. "The apparent hypocrisy of caring about human rights only where Israeli policies are concerned has taken a toll on our credibility," observed one activist who spoke on condition of anonymity out of concern for his safety. "So a small but vocal minority among us have been agitating for a visible expansion of our activities to encompass other places where human rights are egregiously violated - not to imply that Israel isn't the most evil, corrupt, oppressive, genocidal regime in existence, but to give some token acknowledgement that groups other than Palestinians under Israeli occupation might also have rights that are being denied or violated: Ukrainians, Rohingya, Sudanese, Uighurs, Tibetans, Syrians, even Palestinians not under Israeli occupation.  But to the majority of us, such a change of direction would dilute the effectiveness, such as it is, of our focus on Israel. So we worked out an in-between proposal under which BDS calls for pressure on a country that doesn't exist, and that pleased everyone."

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