Muslims now get up to 19,884 women in Paradise

Or, how to discard your wife for a series of beautiful virgins:

Following are excerpts from a lecture delivered by Saudi cleric Muhammad Ali Shanqiti, which was posted on the Internet on March 23, 2013.

Muhammad Ali Shanqiti: Every Muslim man gets at least two black-eyed virgins in Paradise. Each virgin comes with 70 servants girls. You are permitted [to have sex] with the virgins as well as the servant girls. For every woman from this world who enters Paradise, you get 70 black-eyed virgins.

There are four types of women in Paradise. First, there are the women of this world who enter Paradise. Each one comes with 70 black-eyed virgins. The second type of woman in Paradise is the black-eyed virgin. Each comes with 70 servant girls. These servant girls are the third type. Sorry, there are only three types of women in Paradise.

[…]
If you get married in this world, then [in Paradise], you get your wife from this world, along with 70 black-eyed virgins with whom you are allowed to have sex, and each of these 70 virgins comes with 70 servant girls.

So how many women do you get? That's the minimum.

Now, let's assume that you are married to four wives, each of whom comes with 70 black-eyed virgins, and each virgin comes with 70 servant girls… How many does it come to? God help you.

[…]
Your reunion [with your wife] lasts for 70 earthly years. When the 70 years are about to come to an end, another black-eyed virgin calls to you from above: "Oh servant of Allah, don't we get a piece of you?"

You turn to her, and you see that she is more beautiful than the woman you are with. You ask her: "Who are you?" and she says: "I'm your virgin in Paradise. Allah told you about me, saying: 'There is more of them with Us'. I am one of the 'more'."

You leave that one and move on to the next. God help you…

You spend 70 years or so with her, and along comes the third, saying: "Oh servant of Allah, don't we get a piece of you?" You look at her, and she is even more beautiful than the one you are with.

[…]

Allah didn't think this one out all the way, though.

70 virgins x 70 servant girls for each wife comes out to 4900 servants, 70 virgins and one wife, or 4971 women total including the wife. Multiply by four wives to get 19,884 women. (MEMRI calculated wrong, forgetting to include the virgins. I'm not sure if the servant girls are virgins - they might be heavenly sluts.)

Anyway, at 70 years per woman, that is 1,391,880 years of sex.

This sounds like a lot, but we are talking eternity here, folks. Compared to "forever," a mere 1.3 million years is next to nothing. For 99.999999999999999999...% of eternity, poor Muslim men will have no one to nail under the benevolent eyes of Allah.

Will Allah allow the servant girls to attend to multiple men? That hardly sounds Islamic.

It must be that Allah, who knows best, is only telling Muslim men that they will have all these black-eyed virgins, but in fact he is sending them right to Hell to avoid the problems in the future when the women run out. I mean, Allah is not going to be happy with all the shoe-throwing and rioting that happens after 1.3 million years.

The story of the virgins and servants is meant to fool Muslim men. That's the only way this can work if Allah has infinite intelligence.