Hezbollah Money Woes Continues As Internal Needs Cut Exports Of Copium (PreOccupied Territory) ~ Elder Of Ziyon

Thursday, June 26, 2025

Hezbollah Money Woes Continues As Internal Needs Cut Exports Of Copium (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Beirut, June 26 - The Islamist Shiite militia that once exercised effective control of Lebanon on behalf of its masters in Tehran continue to suffer financial woes, observers reported today, as not only have infusions of cash and equipment from Iran almost disappeared in the last year, but the organization's own revenue-generating enterprise of trafficking in the drug copium has suffered as well, given the group's desperation for a substance that will help them stay committed amidst absolute Israeli dominance of the battle space and the shattering of any illusions that they can even remain relevant in postwar Lebanon, let alone give Israel anything more than a pathetic fight.

Hezbollah's drug-selling operations have, until recently, provided significant funding tor the group's operations and "social services" to loyalists in Lebanon, as well as its violent activities targeting both Israel and Lebanese dissenters. But with the rapid collapse of Iran's proxies and the decimation of its own military and nuclear capabilities by Israel and the United States, Hezbollah - once Iran's most powerful proxy and the most serious threat to Israel until the laughably one-sided Israeli victory against them last year - must now use its own supply of copium instead of exporting it. The unavailability of copium for export deprives Hezbollah of critical revenue to fund its other existential "resistance" functions.

Hezbollah members and supporters have consumed copium in large quantities since "Operation Grim Beeper" last year when Israel detonated the group's pagers, which had been bought specifically to bypass advanced Israeli espionage tech - except that the company that sold the devices was an Israeli front. The resulting carnage crippled Hezbollah's senior and mid-level chains of command and rendered them unable to carry out any significant operations except for launching rockets at Israeli towns - and resulting eventually in a humiliating ceasefire agreement that demanded Hezbollah withdraw its forces away from regions bordering Israel. In the meantime, Israel repeatedly decapitated the organization's leadership in airstrikes and precise intelligence showcasing how thoroughly the Jewish State had penetrated it.

Hezbollah's collapse led in turn to the fall of Syrian dictator Basher Assad, another Iran client, whose successor has cracked down on Iranian supply to Hezbollah, further weakening the Shiite militia. During the most recent Iran-Israel war, Hezbollah refused an order by Tehran to attack Israel, fearing its own complete destruction. These and other disastrous developments for the Axis of Resistance - including the smashing of Hamas and Islamic Jihad in the Gaza Strip - have sent domestic demand for copium skyrocketing and leaving none for export.

Hezbollah supporters on US college campuses assured a reporter it was all part of a plan to lull Israel into complacency and destroy it, which would work this time, unlike the other thirteen times it failed.