Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory
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Haifa Bay Industrial Zone, March 30 - A local manufacturer of paints, dyes, and other chemicals hopes to see a sign very soon that Israeli pinkwashing activities are taking place, since he anticipates increased retail sales as demand for pink colors increases accordingly.

Pinhas Vardi, the owner and operator of the Nirlat Paint Company, told his employees at their monthly meeting yesterday that any time now, they should see an uptick in sales of pink paints and dyes, because international organizations and media have been full of discussion over Israel's policies of pinkwashing to distract the world from their relationship with the Palestinians.

"More and more pundits and activists have declared that Israel is engaging in a practice called pinkwashing, and as we experts know, that requires the right materials - materials that we make together, right here," he pronounced. "The rhetoric has become louder and more common, which leads me to the optimistic conclusion that at some point, the government will run out of pink dyes and need to replenish its stocks - and we will step in to fill that need with the fastest, highest-quality, and most affordable pink paints and dyes this country has ever seen!" he added, to the general sound of cheering.

Workers expressed a similar, if cautious, rosy outlook. "With all the bad news related to this part of the country recently, it's good to hear something promising for a change," said quality control engineer Tzvi Ut. "[Hezbollah leader Hassan] Nasrallah threatened to hit the chemical plants with missiles; all the heavy industry in the Haifa region is apparently causing cancer and other diseases; and of course we always have this city's ethnic tensions. For once, it looks like something positive will happen here. I',m not thoroughly convinced, but really hope it does."

Line worker Laha Tav confessed she anticipates a massive increase in sales. "To judge from all the pinkwashing rhetoric, it looks like successive governments have been at this for a long, long time - and that means they're going through a massive inventory of pink paint and dye," she gushed. "I'm trying not to get too worked up about this, because I don't want to jinx it, but clearly the government - the Ministry of the Interior, I guess - is going to need tremendous amounts of new materials. There will be more than enough orders for all the paint sellers in this country to fill, and then some. Pinkwashing is supposed to be this huge endeavor, so I'm looking forward to lucrative overtime pay."

A call to the Ministry of the Interior asking to speak to the Director of Pinkwashing elicited only a confused response.

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