Jewish jokes from before 1905, part 6

OK, this joke book was from slightly after 1900. Sue me.

These jokes come from New Jokes and Monologues by the Best Jokers, Stage Conundrums, No. 4: The Brightest Stories and Best Jokes Told on the Vaudeville Stage, Issue 4, 1904.

A CHARITABLE HEBREW.
It doesn't hurt a men sumstimes he shall do some charity. I'll tell you vy so. I vas valking down the street de udder day, ven I seen a poor voman wid a baby in her arms. De voman vas crying. I never heard a voman cry so much in all my life. I vent by the voman and ask her for vy she cries. She told me she vas by de minister vit de baby, and de minister vould'nt christen de baby, because she didn't have de two dollars to pay him, I felt sorry for de voman, so I told her de baby shall have a name. I put my hands in my pocket, and all I could find vas a five dollar bill, so I says to her, here lady, here is a fife dollar bill, go by de minister, have the baby christened and I vill vait for me by de corner and you shall bring me tree dollars change back.

Vell I vaited nearly an hour de voman came back, and she handed me tree dollars, and said, miester you made me heppy. You see by dat little charity I made tree people heppy. De voman vas heppy because, she got a name for de baby. De minister vas heppy because he got de two dollars and I, I vas heppy because de five dollar bill was “counterfeit."

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MRS. COHEN :—I don’t like this flat.

MR. COHEN Vat’s de matter, ain’t it a fine flat? Vy it has all do latest improvements, station house, vash stands, indecent lights, semetery, pluming and two kinds of cold water—“dirty and clean.”

MRS. COHEN :I know dat, but dere are no curtains in de bath room; every time I take a bath de neighbors can see me. _ '

MR. COHEN :Dat's all right, Rachel, if de neighbors see you, dey will buy de curtains.

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Two Hebrews were walking up Broadway, in New York, one day, one says: "Abie, I vish I owned dat big building." His friend says: “If you did would you gif me half?" Abie says: “ No, I vouldn't, you make your own vishes." ‘

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