Thursday, July 04, 2019

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory


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balloons uninflatedGaza City, July 4 - Authorities in this Mediterranean coastal territory announced today (Thursday) that the unplanned demonstration planned for tomorrow at the barrier separating the territory from Israel, under the leadership of ordinary folks, will not take place.

A Hamas spokesman issued the notice this afternoon after receiving word from his superiors that the movement has called off such politically sensitive measures for now, which sprang up in the moment from the Gaza street without input from the organization.

"The Islamic Resistance salutes those who take the initiative and show their displeasure with the occupier with no prior input," stated Barhoum Brol. "However, when we planned tomorrow's spontaneous demonstration and allocated incendiary devices and helium tanks for it last week, as well as arranging buses to move people to the protest site, we could not know that it would prove imprudent to go through with the protest given the current progress in negotiations over fishing limits and transfers of cash from Qatar."

"While we laud whose who, without our prompting, would have gotten up Friday morning and decided to cut fences, launch bombs on balloons, and try to harm Israelis using materials that, hey, would you look at that, just happened to show up near the barrier, we must inform those who would take such spontaneous action tomorrow that no such protest will take place, at least this week," he continued.

Some Gaza residents expressed frustration with the decision. "I've been planning for two weeks to participate in this spontaneous protest," lamented Bashmi Heddin, 22. "I've got balloons, I've got condoms, I've got kite-making materials - whatever is most useful when the time comes. I can't tell you how much preparation went into this thing. Now I'm told it's not happening? Not cool. Not cool at all. I might have to express my anger by launching a few incendiary balloons at the Jews. But I'll have to clear it with my commanding officer first. And he was going to supply some wire-cutters, too. This sucks."

Informal reports from within Hamas and allied Islamist terrorist group Palestinian Islamic Jihad indicate that the hiatus of spontaneous Friday riots will last only a short time, as both groups need Gazans to have an anti-Israel outlet for their economic and political frustrations, one that does not hold Palestinian leadership responsible for their misfortune. "I've heard the next spontaneous protest will happen three Fridays from now," disclosed Heddin. "That's a long time to wait, though. This next spontaneous demonstration better be good, with that much time to plan it."



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