Thursday, May 14, 2026
Elder of Ziyon
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“Every day our metrics show millions of engagements from accounts that are clearly organic Americans who just happen to post at 3 a.m. Pakistan Standard Time and spell ‘Israel’ with seven additional letters,” said a visibly perplexed strategist for Bilzerian’s long-shot congressional bid in Florida’s 6th District. “The ratio game is off the charts. Yet when the actual ballots are counted, it’s like those passionate voices vanish into thin air. We’re mystified.”
Bilzerian, the influencer-turned-candidate known for posting shirtless photos with automatic weapons and thoughtful geopolitical takes such as “kill Israelis,” has amassed impressive X impressions thanks to what his team calls a “highly motivated diaspora of freedom-loving patriots” in South Asia. Similar patterns have emerged around Fishback’s gubernatorial campaign, where Tucker himself declared that “pretty soon all winning Republican politicians will talk like this” — a prophecy that, so far, has manifested mostly in retweets from accounts whose bios feature both the Pakistani flag and Adolf Hitler.
Campaign insiders say the discrepancy between digital dominance and electoral irrelevance is “deeply concerning for democracy.” One Fishback aide, speaking on condition of anonymity while refreshing engagement stats, noted that their candidate’s clips routinely rack up hundreds of thousands of views from users who type “Based” in Urdu script and then disappear the moment poll workers in Florida ask for ID.
“How do you explain robust support from people who can’t legally vote in U.S. elections translating into zero primary wins?” the aide asked, gesturing at a wall covered in heat maps of bot activity. “We have Pakistani teenagers ratio’ing Randy Fine and Byron Donalds into oblivion every night, yet on Election Day the turnout from that crucial demographic is mysteriously low. It defies every model we’ve built on Grok and Telegram.”
Experts within the movement insist the phenomenon cannot possibly reflect actual American sentiment. “Real voters are out there,” insisted a Bilzerian surrogate. “They’re just too busy liking posts to fill out mail-in ballots. Or maybe the Zionist deep state is suppressing the IP addresses of true patriots. Either way, the hordes are real. The numbers don’t lie — except when they do, in which case it’s still someone else’s fault."
"Are numbers Jew- I mean Zionist?”
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Reclaiming the Covenant on America's 250th (May 2026) "He's an Anti-Zionist Too!" cartoon book (December 2024) PROTOCOLS: Exposing Modern Antisemitism (February 2022) |
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