Thursday, February 15, 2024

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Jerusalem, February 15 - Scandal rocked a renowned Islamic seminary this week upon the discovery that a beloved instructor there habitually pleasures himself to images of Israeli soldiers who had humorously donned a shipment of absorbent disposable briefs that reached them by accident, sources within the seminary disclosed today.

Two members of that staff, who spoke on condition of anonymity, at the Mutaharish Aitfal Madrassa in Jerusalem's Moslem Quarter of the Old City, told reporters that a senior lecturer, whom they declined to name, was caught twice in the last two months masturbating to photographs of the IDF soldiers. The first time, the sources reported, the incident was dismissed as a one-time aberration or moment of weakness, but following the second time, which, according to information from someone within the madrassa administration, involved the presence of minors, and resulted in the instructor's suspension, at least temporarily.

As Israel began mobilizing and preparing for its current operations in the Gaza Strip, following an October 7 invasion of southern Israel by Hamas that killed 1200 Israelis and involved mass rape and brutality as well as the abduction of Israelis as hostages, Israelis, as well as supporters abroad, contributed tons of supplies, gifts, treats, and equipment to the standing and reserve troops. One such shipment reached a group of soldiers who discovered that a mix-up had caused them to receive not helmets, body armor, snacks, socks, underwear, children's letters, or gift cards, but adult diapers.

The unit in question decided to don the diapers and pose for a photo, which went viral among two separate audiences online: people who appreciated the humor in making light of an awkward situation, and anti-Israel users who enjoy depicting as helpless babies the soldiers who have by now destroyed two thirds of Hamas's fighting capacity in the Gaza Strip - killing, capturing, or incapacitating about 20,000 fighters - for a loss of only several hundred IDF soldiers.

The madrassa instructor's behavior has challenged the institution's administration and the surrounding community, which both take a hard pro-Palestinian stance. "The parents found out and are furious," acknowledged one of the sources. "Less so because of the minors being exposed to the masturbation - they were just the kids of staff, and nobody cares about them - and more because of the shame of this paragon, this mentor, getting aroused by... that stuff."

"I mean, if it were actual kids, or goats, no one would mind."

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Elder of Ziyon - حـكـيـم صـهـيـون

This blog may be a labor of love for me, but it takes a lot of effort, time and money. For over 19 years and 40,000 articles I have been providing accurate, original news that would have remained unnoticed. I've written hundreds of scoops and sometimes my reporting ends up making a real difference. I appreciate any donations you can give to keep this blog going.


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