Thursday, February 23, 2023
Elder of Ziyon
Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.
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New York, February 9 - Wordle, Quordle, Spelling Bee - for the vast majority of players, these and other games provide a few minutes of brain-stimulating fun; for a select few, they carry important coded messages to agents from the shadowy Jewish council that manipulates world affairs for the benefit of the Jewish collective.
Tens of millions of people around the world view such pursuits as an enjoyable diversion: find the five-letter word in as few guesses as possible; form as many words as possible with a given set of letters; and so on. Algorithms do exist to select randomly from among the sets of letters or words that conform to the each game's principles - but in the case of the world's most popular such games, their very ubiquity and popularity has made them perfect for the Elders of Zion to reach their thousands of well-placed manipulators, saboteurs, or other agents efficiently without arousing suspicion. In fact, analysts believe, the games themselves only became popular because the Elders desired an additional avenue through which to communicate their daily encrypted instructions.
"The sudden popularity of these games seems like an arbitrary, but still explainable, thing," noted counterespionage expert Alex Jones. "Nobody really knows what makes a thing take off - well, nobody except the people who have made it their job to control the rest of us and keep us preoccupied and ignorant while they take over the world. To the uninitiated, the winning word in Wordle, or words in Quordle, seem unrelated and innocuous. But anyone who knows how these dark forces operate can tell you it's never that simple and never, ever, that innocent. Each word conveys something important that day to Zionist agents, telling them when, whether, or how to implement the plans for domination they've been developing and pursuing for centuries. Anyone who supports 'the current thing,' be it Ukraine, Black Lives Matter, gun control, immigration reform, combating climate change, COVID vaccines, has no idea they're being manipulated and kept in the dark. Same thing here. These games look like harmless fun, but they're communications from a sinister cabal."
Others in the same field suspect that the apps carrying the games on users' devices contain malware for censorship, behavioral modification, and mind control. "I'd be wary of interacting with a phone or computer in any way that involves use of one's brain," cautioned C. J. Werleman, who often shares his anti-Israel takes on Twitter. "You do that and you open yourself to the machinations of the evil people who want to take over your brain and turn you into a drone who cares only about puberty blockers, Greta, and calling Republicans Hitler. If you do need to use technology, try removing the important components from it that were made in Israel."
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