Wednesday, January 27, 2016

  • Wednesday, January 27, 2016
  • Elder of Ziyon
Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

Check out their Facebook page.

Ban Ki-MoonKfar Sava, January 27 - Inspired by United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon's refusal to condemn Palestinian stabbing attacks on Israelis, a high school senior accused of attacking his teacher today also characterized his act as legitimate resistance, saying it is human nature to react to too much homework.

Amos Doker, 18, was arrested Tuesday after attempting to stab his mathematics instructor. Witnesses said the two had an altercation regarding the burden of assignments given to the students to complete outside class time, during which the senior pulled a kitchen knife from his book bag and lunged at her. The teacher, a 40-year-old from nearby Hod HaSharon who was not named in the police report, managed to move away in time and called for help, and several other students subdued the youth. When police arrived, the assailant loudly proclaimed his right to defend himself from unjust assignments.

"You control my life - you're occupying my world," accused the teen, addressing himself to all the adults present. "I have to resist by all possible means to assert my independence and individual sovereignty. Just ask the Secretary General of the UN! He says it's human nature to do this! You can't arrest me! Arrest her!" he yelled at police, gesturing to the teacher.

Eyewitnesses reported that as police bundled the suspect into a patrol car, he continued to proclaim his right to stab his teacher. "She's oppressing me with homework! She denies my freedom of movement and association! They all do! All the teachers and the principal too! I have no choice but to fight back with random violence! Ban Ki-Moon said so!" The rest of his words were muffled after the arresting officers shut the door.

The boy's attorney, Zehavi Gal-Un, blamed the Minister of Education for the incident. "Naftali Bennett and his right-wing minions continue to oppress the students of this country by making them complete onerous assignments and sit for brutal exams, and to what end?" he challenged. "It's not as if anyone is going to get a job in this economy. The students legitimately have no other option than resistance, and yes, sometimes there is no choice but violet resistance. The blame lies squarely in the lap of those who created this situation."

Ministry officials dismissed the accusation. "It is fundamentally bigoted to say the students have no choice," said a ministry spokesman. "Millions of students around the world face similar circumstances and for some reason do not go around stabbing people. Students have a choice in whether or not to attack faculty, and to act as if they have no volition is to remove their individuality and humanity."

At press time, this reporter was considering stabbing his managing editor for refusing the raise he'd requested.

We have lots of ideas, but we need more resources to be even more effective. Please donate today to help get the message out and to help defend Israel.


EoZTV Podcast

Podcast URL

Subscribe in podnovaSubscribe with FeedlyAdd to netvibes
addtomyyahoo4Subscribe with SubToMe

search eoz





For $18 donation

Sample Text

EoZ's Most Popular Posts in recent years


Elder of Ziyon - حـكـيـم صـهـيـون

This blog may be a labor of love for me, but it takes a lot of effort, time and money. For over 14 years and 30,000 articles I have been providing accurate, original news that would have remained unnoticed. I've written hundreds of scoops and sometimes my reporting ends up making a real difference. I appreciate any donations you can give to keep this blog going.


Donate to fight for Israel!

Monthly subscription:
Payment options

One time donation:

subscribe via email

Follow EoZ on Twitter!

Interesting Blogs


#PayForSlay Abbas liar Academic fraud administrivia al-Qaeda algeria Alice Walker American Jews AmericanZionism Amnesty analysis anti-semitism anti-Zionism antisemitism apartheid Arab antisemitism arab refugees Arafat archaeology Ari Fuld art Ashrawi ASHREI B'tselem bahrain Balfour bbc BDS BDSFail Bedouin Beitunia beoz Bernie Sanders Biden history Birthright book review Brant Rosen breaking the silence Campus antisemitism Cardozo cartoon of the day Chakindas Chanukah Christians circumcision Clark Kent coexistence Comix Community Standards conspiracy theories COVID-19 Cyprus Daled Amos Daphne Anson David Applebaum Davis report DCI-P Divest This double standards Egypt Elder gets results ElderToons Electronic Intifada Ellen Horowitz Embassy EoZ Trump symposium eoz-symposium EoZNews eoztv Erekat Erekat lung transplant EU Euro-Mid Observer European antisemitism Facebook Facebook jail Fake Civilians 2014 Fake Civilians 2019 Farrakhan Fatah featured Features fisking flotilla Forest Rain Forward free gaza freedom of press palestinian style future martyr Gary Spedding gaza Gaza Platform George Galloway George Soros German Jewry Ghassan Daghlas gideon levy gilad shalit gisha Goldstone Report Good news Grapel Guardian guest post gunness Haaretz Hadassah hamas Hamas war crimes Hananya Naftali hasbara Hasby 2014 Hasby 2016 Hasby 2018 hate speech Hebron helen thomas hezbollah history Hizballah Holocaust Holocaust denial honor killing HRW Human Rights Humanitarian crisis humor Hypocrisy ICRC IDF IfNotNow IJ Benjamin Ilan Pappe Ilhan Omar impossible peace incitement indigenous Indonesia infographic international law interview intransigence iran Iraq Islamic Judeophobia Islamism Israel Loves America Israeli culture Israeli high-tech J Street jabalya James Zogby jeremy bowen Jerusalem jewish fiction Jewish Voice for Peace jihad jimmy carter Joe Biden John Kerry jokes jonathan cook Jordan Joseph Massad Juan Cole Judaism Judea-Samaria Judean Rose Judith Butler Kairos Karl Vick Keith Ellison ken roth khalid amayreh Khaybar Know How to Answer Lebanon leftists Linda Sarsour Linkdump lumish mahmoud zahar Mairav Zonszein Malaysia Marc Lamont Hill Marjorie Taylor Greene max blumenthal Mazen Adi McGraw-Hill media bias Methodist Michael Lynk Michael Ross Miftah Missionaries moderate Islam Mohammed Assaf Mondoweiss moonbats Morocco Mudar Zahran music Muslim Brotherhood Naftali Bennett Nakba Nan Greer Nation of Islam Natural gas Nazi Netanyahu News nftp NGO Nick Cannon NIF Noah Phillips norpac NSU Matrix NYT Occupation offbeat olive oil Omar Barghouti Omri Boehm Only in Israel Opinion oxfam PA corruption PalArab lies Palestine Papers pallywood pchr PCUSA Peace Now Peter Beinart Petra MB philosophy poetry Poland poll Poster Preoccupied Prisoners propaganda Proud to be Zionist Puar Purim purimshpiel Putin Qaradawi Qassam calendar Quora Rafah Ray Hanania real liberals RealJerusalemStreets reference Reuters Richard Falk Richard Landes Richard Silverstein Right of return Rivkah Lambert Adler Robert Werdine rogel alpher roger cohen roger waters Rutgers Saeb Erekat Sarah Schulman Saudi Arabia saudi vice self-death self-death palestinians Seth Rogen settlements sex crimes SFSU shechita sheikh tamimi Shelly Yachimovich Shujaiyeh Simchat Torah Simona Sharoni SodaStream South Africa Sovereignty Speech stamps Superman Syria Tarabin Temple Mount Terrorism This is Zionism Thomas Friedman Tlaib TOI Tomer Ilan Trump Trump Lame Duck Test Tunisia Turkey UAE Accord UCI UK UN UNDP unesco unhrc UNICEF United Arab Emirates Unity unrwa UNRWA hate unrwa reports UNRWA-USA unwra vaccination Varda Vic Rosenthal Washington wikileaks Winstanley work accident X-washing Y. Ben-David Yemen YMikarov zahran Ziesel zionist attack zoo Zionophobia Ziophobia Zvi

Blog Archive