Thursday, September 14, 2023

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Jerusalem Proprietor Interprets Unavailability Of Product From Regular Suppliers As Product Not Existing  

Jerusalem, September 14 - A local shopkeeper confidently insisted today there is no such thing as an item a potential customer recalled seeing elsewhere in the world, the potential customer reported.

Ido Yaakobi, 62, owner and operator of a housewares store in the Mahane Yehuda market, informed a visitor to his shop that no, a silicone tube that uses manual pressure to remove the dried husk from a garlic clove does not exist. He spoke with the assertiveness of a man possessed of the knowledge of all kitchen products, having commanded his position in the area for several decades. Yaakobi made the assertion despite the visitor's insistence, with photos and descriptions on his phone, that such a product can, in fact, be procured elsewhere.

"Ein davar kazzeh," stated Yaakobi. "There's no such thing. Just peel it with your fingers like a normal person."

The customer disclosed that she had grown up in the US using a silicone garlic-peeler for decades, but that argument failed to sway the proprietor. "Obviously I've been mistaken all these years," she conceded. "Perhaps all the manufacturers and vendors of these so-called garlic peelers are, unbeknownst even to themselves, producing and marketing a different product entirely, and are just mislabeling it. I suppose I should have known that it's better to get your fingernails and fingertips stinking of garlic than to use something that gets the job done quickly and cleanly."

Other customers at the store recalled similar experiences. "I'm glad I went there," admitted an immigrant from the UK. "Otherwise I might still be walking around under the misperception that anyone needs silicone- or plastic-tipped tongs that aren't rounded at the ends, but flat, to help separate, for example, potatoes stuck to the bottom of a non-stick roasting pan. I must have imagined seeing such a product before, or even owning one for more than twenty years. I'm glad that guy set me straight by educating me that no such thing exists."

Experts noted that the phenomenon of Israeli shopkeepers interpreting their own awareness deficiency as reflective of objective marketing and manufacturing realities has a long history. "In the early years of the State of Israel, economic struggle and austerity were the order of the day," explained historian Tzena Razzon. "Customers were dependent on sellers for everything, and limited supply meant you couldn't just go elsewhere for a better deal or better quality. Businesses got used to holding all the advantages, and whatever the proprietor said, went, regardless of its relationship to reality. Some businesses haven't let go of that yet."  

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Elder of Ziyon - حـكـيـم صـهـيـون

This blog may be a labor of love for me, but it takes a lot of effort, time and money. For over 19 years and 40,000 articles I have been providing accurate, original news that would have remained unnoticed. I've written hundreds of scoops and sometimes my reporting ends up making a real difference. I appreciate any donations you can give to keep this blog going.


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