Thursday, March 17, 2022

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Nablus terroristsLondon, March 20 - Prominent figures in Britain's Labour Party expressed outrage today upon learning that several bouquets they had dispatched to the Palestinian Territories in tribute to three gunmen who met their ends in confrontation with the IDF instead wound up stuck at an Israeli military checkpoint, never to reach the burial sites of the martyrs.

Jeremy Corbyn, Diane Abbot, George Galloway, Ken Livingstone, Owen Jones, and half a dozen other party stalwarts told reporters Sunday they are fuming over the interdiction of the flowers, which the group had intended to honor Ashraf al-Mublasat, Adham al-Mabrouk, and Muhammad al-Dakhil, members of the Fatah-affiliated Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades who died in confrontation with Israeli soldiers on February 8, and who had perpetrated shooting attacks on Israelis. Israeli forces set up an impromptu security checkpoint yesterday on a highway leading to Nablus, acting on intelligence information, according to the IDF Spokesperson's Office. The troops manning the checkpoint instructed the driver delivering the flowers to stop and submit his vehicle to inspection. The inspection found three illegal firearms, several hand grenades, and materials for the manufacture of explosives, in addition to the large bouquets from the Labour contingent. The driver was arrested.

"We are incensed at this violation," stated Corbyn. "A noble and generous acknowledgement of Palestinian pain under such trying circumstances was the entirety of our intent, and Israel's thwarting of the delivery can only be seen as cruelty for the sake of cruelty."

"We once again call upon the international community to force an end to this ongoing injustice," demanded Jones. "How many times must we witness the heartlessness of occupation? While this atrocity was taking place in the West Bank, the sadistic blockade of the Gaza Strip continues to deprive its residents of the means to properly celebrate the deaths of Israelis and of Jews worldwide, and deprives them of the means to resist the existence of Jewish sovereignty where Jewish dhimmitude and contingent existence once prevailed. Britain needs strong leadership that will right those wrongs, and not, as we have now, leaders indifferent to Palestinian suffering."

Abbot and Corbyn vowed a personal trip to Nablus to deliver even bigger replacement bouquets. "Our main concern involves not supporting the occupation," cautioned Livingstone. "Any such trip will require traversing Israeli airspace or passing through Israeli border controls, and we cannot legitimize such institutions. So the trip might not happen, unless some of us really, really want to check out the gay scene in Tel Aviv."







Read all about it here!



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