Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

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The SmithsLondon, October 25 - Legendary British indie band The Smiths will play together for the first time since 1987, in a series of concerts in Israel for the sole purpose of irking former Pink Floyd front man and BDS proponent Roger Waters, a spokesman for lead singer Morrissey announced today.

Lee Hackiss, a representative of the iconic entertainer, informed reporters in a press release that the influential group would reunite for a series of Tel Aviv performances in late 2018 despite longstanding bitterness and differences, because their irritation with Waters has now overcome their opposition to playing together again, and the best way to under Waters's skin would be to make an ostentatious demonstration of supporting a cause he has devoted his career to opposing.

"Creative, personal, and legal issues plagued The Smiths from the beginning," the statement read. "Those challenges reached a peak three decades ago and have hardly dissipated, but in the interim, Roger Waters has become the most self-righteous, insufferable ignoramus, and The Smiths have collectively realized that their desire to stick it to Waters far outweighs their unwillingness to work together."

Morrissey and guitarist/keyboardist Johnny Marr have heretofore posed the most intractable opposition to reforming the group, especially following a 1996 lawsuit by Marr against the other band members. Contacts toward a reunion, even a temporary one, between Marr and Morrissey occurred in 2008, but brought no results. Of all former Smiths, Morrissey has voiced the most strident and uncompromising opposition to reuniting, declaring in 2006, "I would rather eat my own testicles than reform the Smiths, and that's saying something for a vegetarian." In an interview, his spokesman explained the change of heart.

"Morrissey has always sought to get political," he noted. "One of the band's titles is even called Meat Is Murder, and they were loud about their opposition to Thatcher, the monarchy, and all sorts of Establishment trappings, not to mention 'mainstream' pop music. Waters has taken on a similar tone for his pet causes, but he's become so self-righteous about Palestine, so mired in, shall we say, 'alternative facts,' for so long, that the typical trademark dark lampooning characteristic of The Smiths doesn't in our assessment go far enough. Morrissey contacted Marr, [bassist Andy] Rourke, and [drummer Mike] Joyce about this project a couple of weeks ago by e-mail, and they all agreed it would be worthwhile."

"I don't actually care about Israel-Palestine one way or the other," confessed Joyce. "But an opportunity to troll Roger Waters? That's a project I can throw myself into."

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