Wednesday, April 27, 2016


Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory
 
 
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LivniJerusalem, April 27  - The Knesset Comptroller's Office has noticed an increase in the amount of deodorant bought by MK Tzipi Livni in the last two weeks, Knesset observers have reported.
The monthly deadline for submission of receipts to be covered by the per diem allotted to each MK passed yesterday; among the receipts was a spike in purchases by Livni of several new brands of antiperspirant and deodorant in quantities she had not previously recorded, an increase that began immediately after her trip to Harvard last week.

Accountants at the Comptroller's office provided the information under a Freedom of Information request filed by journalists. According to the records, the last two weeks saw a seven hundred percent increase in Livni's deodorant purchases, accounting for nearly half of her expenses for the period and bringing her total expenditures far outside the daily allowance provided to MKs. Livni has covered the excess from her own pocket, but has raised eyebrows at the Comptroller's office simply for the unusual nature of the receipts.

"It's not that there's anything here that smells wrong," said Deputy Director Roi Heshbon. "She's offsetting with her own funds whatever she spends beyond her allotted amount. That's fine. If she wants to use those monies to buy three or four cases each of Secret, Dove, Speed Stick, and some Polish brand no one has ever heard of, that's her business. She could eat the stuff, for all I care."

Aides to the HaTnua Party chairwoman and family members have also noticed their boss taking extra time in the shower during the same period. "Mom has been taking longer of late, that's for sure," observed her son Omri Spitzer. "Don't think Yuval and I haven't noticed. Especially after she laced into us for wasting water with our own showers. It's like she can't stick with an idea for very long."

During her recent trip to Boston, aides remarked that since her appearance at Harvard, the MK has taken to sniffing her armpits at short intervals. "It's not unusual to see Tzipi linger at the Duty Free shops to check out the perfumes, but this time was excessive," said staff member who spoke on condition of anonymity. "I don't know what's come over her."

The same aide recalled that upon returning to her hotel room after the Harvard appearance, Livni appeared to take offense at the generous supply of free bars of soap provided to hotel guests in the bathroom, as if the hotel were implying there was an extra need for them in her case. She then pocketed all of them.



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