Wednesday, May 23, 2012

  • Wednesday, May 23, 2012
  • Elder of Ziyon
From Burak Bekdil at Hurriyet:
It’s Mossad!

In 2008, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas’s official news agency, Wafa, reported that Israel (read: Mossad) had released poison-resistant rats to drive Arab residents of Jerusalem out of their homes. Training rats so as to distinguish between Muslim, Christian and Jewish residents of a city must be a remarkable scientific achievement, but apparently “Project Mickey Mouse” must have failed, as evinced by Jerusalem’s demography today.

In 2011, Saudi Arabia announced that it had “detained” a vulture carrying an Israeli band. The griffon vulture was carrying a GPS transmitter bearing the name of the Tel Aviv University and was condemned for being a part of a “Zionist espionage plot.” Mossad’s “Operation Angry Birds” had failed and I do not know if Saudi courts ruled to behead the Zionist spy vulture, sentence it to life in prison, or force it to reveal the names of his collaborators in return for a pardon; but there were rumors that hundreds of camels may have been implanted on the Arabian Peninsula to spy for Israel.

That same year, one of two Turkish celebrities who had been accused of raping call girls defended himself by saying that the whole incident was “an Israeli plot against him.” Once again, Mossad had been caught red-handed. The Israeli spy network had successfully infiltrated into the Turkish red-light district, but “Operation Amorous Crescent and Star” failed to deceive the Turkish star and his fans.

And most recently, a migratory bird, a common bee-eater, caused alarm in a Turkish village in the southeast after villagers thought it was an Israeli spy. According to reports, villagers’ suspicions were aroused when the bird was found dead in a field with a metal ring around its leg stamped “Israel.” They called the police after deciding its nostrils were unusually large and may have carried a microchip fitted by Israeli intelligence for spying.

But this time “Operation Eliyahu Hanavi” went surprisingly well, as the gullible Turkish authorities took the bait that it is common practice to fit a ring to migratory birds in order to track their movements. Fortunately, the Zionist bee-eater was dead and could no longer spy for Israel. All the same, the Turkish intelligence machinery should adopt a pre-emptive strike policy and randomly question migratory birds passing through the Turkish airspace.

Being accused too often by readers for being a Zionist columnist (and an undercover Israeli agent), I feel obliged to warn Mossad that it should put a halt to the practice of stamping fellow spies with names like Israel and Tel Aviv University.

For instance, I successfully spent several years of my journalistic career as an Israeli agent in perfect disguise because I had cleverly refused Mossad’s proposal to have on my right arm a tattoo reading “Mossad agent no. 2119129.” My spying career would no doubt have progressed if the readers of this column had not been smart enough to uncover me.

Acting as silly as the country’s intelligence agency, the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) reportedly decided to deploy 20,000 commandos on Greek Cyprus. There must be something wrong about the figure in the Turkish state Anatolia news agency’s reporting. I feel obliged to correct: In fact, the IDF plans to deploy 200,000, not 20,000, commandos on Cyprus, although it has only a few tens of thousands of commandos in Israel. This new special operation unit will mostly consist of vultures, bee-eaters and poison-resistant rats.

Driving through Central Anatolia last month I smiled at a huge banner in the heart of a town, which read: “Inform the police when you see strangers and suspicious persons – on the police hotline 155.” An updated version of this clever neighborhood watch policy could read: “Inform the police when you spot Israeli spies disguised as pink elephants and dragons – with stamps that read ‘Israeli spy.’”


EoZTV Podcast

Podcast URL

Subscribe in podnovaSubscribe with FeedlyAdd to netvibes
addtomyyahoo4Subscribe with SubToMe

Support EoZ by shopping!

search eoz

comments

Speaking

follow me

Follow by Email

translate

Share on Whatsapp


E-Book

For $18 donation








Sample Text

EoZ's Most Popular Posts in recent years

Hasbys!

Elder of Ziyon - حـكـيـم صـهـيـون



This blog may be a labor of love for me, but it takes a lot of effort, time and money. For over 14 years and 30,000 articles I have been providing accurate, original news that would have remained unnoticed. I've written hundreds of scoops and sometimes my reporting ends up making a real difference. I appreciate any donations you can give to keep this blog going.

Donate!

Donate to fight for Israel!

Monthly subscription:
Payment options


One time donation:

subscribe via email

Follow EoZ on Twitter!

Interesting Blogs

Categories

Abbas liar Academic fraud administrivia al-Qaeda algeria Alice Walker American Jews AmericanZionism Amnesty analysis anti-semitism anti-Zionism antisemitism apartheid Arab antisemitism arab refugees Arafat archaeology Ari Fuld art ASHREI B'tselem bahrain Balfour bbc BDS BDSFail Bedouin Beitunia beoz Bernie Sanders Birthright book review Brant Rosen breaking the silence Campus antisemitism Cardozo cartoon of the day Chakindas Chanukah Christians circumcision Clark Kent coexistence Community Standards conspiracy theories Cyprus Daled Amos Daphne Anson David Applebaum Davis report DCI-P Divest This double standards Egypt Elder gets results ElderToons Electronic Intifada Embassy EoZ Trump symposium eoz-symposium EoZNews eoztv Erekat Erekat lung transplant EU Euro-Mid Observer European antisemitism Facebook Facebook jail Fake Civilians 2014 Fake Civilians 2019 Farrakhan Fatah featured Features fisking flotilla Forest Rain Forward free gaza freedom of press palestinian style future martyr Gary Spedding gaza Gaza Platform George Galloway George Soros German Jewry gideon levy gilad shalit gisha Goldstone Report Good news Grapel Guardian guest post gunness Haaretz Hadassah hamas Hamas war crimes Hananya Naftali hasbara Hasby 2014 Hasby 2016 Hasby 2018 hate speech Hebron helen thomas hezbollah history Hizballah Holocaust Holocaust denial honor killing HRW Human Rights Humanitarian crisis humor huor Hypocrisy ICRC IDF IfNotNow Ilan Pappe Ilhan Omar impossible peace incitement indigenous Indonesia international law interview intransigence iran Iraq Islamic Judeophobia Islamism Israel Loves America Israeli culture Israeli high-tech J Street jabalya James Zogby jeremy bowen Jerusalem jewish fiction Jewish Voice for Peace jihad jimmy carter John Kerry jokes jonathan cook Jordan Joseph Massad Juan Cole Judaism Judea-Samaria Judean Rose Kairos Karl Vick Keith Ellison ken roth khalid amayreh Khaybar Know How to Answer Lebanon leftists Linda Sarsour Linkdump lumish mahmoud zahar Mairav Zonszein Malaysia max blumenthal Mazen Adi McGraw-Hill media bias Methodist Michael Lynk Michael Ross Miftah Missionaries moderate Islam Mohammed Assaf Mondoweiss moonbats Morocco Mudar Zahran music Muslim Brotherhood Naftali Bennett Nakba Nan Greer Nation of Islam Natural gas Nazi Netanyahu News nftp NGO NIF Noah Phillips norpac NYT Occupation offbeat Omar Barghouti Only in Israel Opinion Opinon oxfam PA corruption PalArab lies Palestine Papers pallywood pchr PCUSA Peace Now Peter Beinart Petra MB poetry Poland poll Poster Preoccupied Prisoners propaganda Proud to be Zionist Puar Purim purimshpiel Putin Qaradawi Qassam calendar Quora Rafah Ray Hanania real liberals reference Reuters Richard Falk Richard Silverstein Right of return Rivkah Lambert Adler Robert Werdine rogel alpher roger cohen roger waters Rutgers Saeb Erekat Sarah Schulman Saudi Arabia saudi vice self-death self-death palestinians settlements sex crimes SFSU shechita sheikh tamimi Shelly Yachimovich Shujaiyeh Simchat Torah Simona Sharoni SodaStream South Africa Speech stamps Superman Syria Tarabin Temple Mount Terrorism This is Zionism Thomas Friedman TOI Tomer Ilan Trump Tunisia Turkey UCI UK UN UNDP unesco unhrc UNICEF United Arab Emirates Unity unrwa UNRWA hate unrwa reports UNRWA-USA unwra Varda Vic Rosenthal Washington wikileaks work accident X-washing Y. Ben-David Yemen YMikarov zahran Ziesel zionist attack zoo Zionophobia Ziophobia Zvi

Blog Archive