Translating a Tikkun NYT ad into English

I received an email from Tikkun Magazine showing a full-page ad in tomorrow's New York Times urging the US and Israel to abandon any idea of attacking Iran.

Here is what the ad says:

Some of us who signed this ad believe that even a nuclear Iran—faced with the certainty that its first aggressive use of nuclear weapons would engender a massive retaliation sufficient to kill most of the people of Iran—would not dare take a first nuclear strike against Israel or the United States. Americans once perceived the Soviet Union to be equally evil, irrational, and driven by ideological fundamentalism—yet the Soviet Union, armed to the teeth with nuclear weapons, was constrained by the possibility of mutually assured destruction. The same is likely to be true of Iran should its ideologically driven fundamentalist leaders ever decide to develop nuclear weapons.

In other words, we think that we are right. We're not sure, but we are willing to bet every Israeli's life on our certainty of our understanding of the human nature of the mullahs.

Some of us fear that electoral pressures have pushed President Obama and many Democrats in Congress to abandon the strategy of containment used with all the other nuclear powers and instead to coerce Iran into not developing nukes. We agree with the goal of non-proliferation, but believe that the only way to restrain the development of nukes by other states like Iran, Brazil, Saudi Arabia, and Egypt is for the current nuclear powers—including the U.S., U.K., France, Russia, China, North Korea, India, Pakistan, and Israel—to disarm their own nuclear weapons.

In other words, we think that we are right. We're not sure, so if the last nuclear weapon on the planet belongs to Iran or Pakistan or gets into the hands of Hezbollah or Hamas, and they decide to use it, we will condemn their murder of tens of thousands of people in very strong terms. Tsk, tsk!

Some of us believe that Israel could actually work out peaceful relations with Iran and enhance its own security and U.S. security by ending the Occupation of the West Bank and Gaza, helping the Palestinian people create an economically and politically viable state, taking generous steps to alleviate the humiliation and suffering of Palestinian refugees, and supporting Palestinian membership in the United Nations.

In other words, we haven't bothered reading a word of what Iranian leaders say about Israel day in and day out since Khomeini. When they say, repeatedly, that they want to see Israel utterly destroyed, they really mean they want to see an end to the "occupation" of the West Bank and Gaza. If only Israel would make a gesture, then Iran will erupt in lovingkindness and generosity, we think. And we are so convinced of our wisdom that are willing to risk the lives of millions of Jews and the existence of the Jewish state itself. That's how smart we are.

Similarly, if the United States were to apologize for its role in overthrowing the democratically elected government of Iran in 1953 and ushering in the Shah’s dictatorial regime, it would strengthen the hands of those in Iran who seek an overthrow of the even worse Islamic fundamentalist regime that now terrorizes the people of Iran.

Yes, an apology will strengthen the people Iran is throwing in jail when they dare to go against the government version of facts. We know this because we know it would work for us, and everyone thinks like we do.

Except for Netanyahu, who is just a warmonger.

The ad goes on to push something called The Global Marshall Plan — a plan developed by Tikkun magazine and the Network of Spiritual Progressives. This plan says that if we would just be nice to everyone, everyone will be nice to us.

This is what happens when aging hippies get hold of enough money to place an ad in the New York Times.