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Monday, March 16, 2009

Seven Arab Children

The BBC decided not to air Caryl Churchill's "Seven Jewish Children" play. Not because they disagreed with it, oh no...
But [Radio 4's drama commissioning editor Jeremy]Howe wrote: "It is a no, I am afraid. Both Mark [Damazer, Radio 4 controller] and I think it is a brilliant piece, but after discussing it with editorial policy we have decided we cannot run with it on the grounds of impartiality – I think it would be nearly impossible to run a drama that counters Caryl Churchill's view. Having debated long and hard we have decided we can't do Seven Jewish Children."
Well, I am here to help the BBC out. Since they don't have a poorly written drama available to show "both sides" of the story, I am going to write one right now. I estimate it will take ten minutes.

Seven Arab Children
A play about Palestine

1.
Tell him that we are one big Arab nation
Tell him that we invented algebra
Tell him that we always lived here
Tell him that others can only live here if they agree to be dhimmis
Don't tell him about the Jews who used to live here
Tell him that we live in southern Syria
and that we will never be divided from our brethren
Tell him that all Arabs look out for reach other

2.
Tell him we hate the Jews because they are weak
Tell him that they they started it first
Tell him that Jews shouldn't live in Hebron
Don't tell him that they were there for millennia
Tell him that they attacked Arabs at their Wall
Tell him they wanted to kill all the Arabs
Tell him that he will be rewarded for killing them.

3.
Tell him we are on strike
Don't tell him that Arabs are killing more Arabs than Jews or British
Tell him that the British are pro-Jewish
Don't tell him about the "collaborators"
Tell him that the Mufti will lead us to a state
Don't tell him about the feuds between the clans
Tell him that the hundreds of dead Arabs are the Jews' fault
Tell him that we will never accept compromise

4.
Don't tell him that we ran away
Don't tell him that some Arabs stayed and are not in camps
Tell him that we will still throw the Jews into the sea
Tell him not to forget that he is an Arab
Tell him that we were massacred
Tell him that over and over again
Tell him he must hate the Jews
Don't tell him that our Arab brethren keep us in camps
Don't tell him that they told us to flee
Don't blame them for our troubles
We need to live with them

5.
Tell him that we are "Palestinian"
Tell him not to say "Jews" in English, only "Zionists"
Tell him that the Arabs will help us push the Jews into the sea this time
Tell him we are united
Tell him that we still have a key to our home
Don't tell him to go to Kuwait to find a job
Tell him the UN will take care of us forever
Don't tell him to blame the Arabs for our being stateless for decades
Tell him it is needed for "unity"

6.
Tell him it is not terrorism
Tell him that the martyrs are heroes
Tell him we hate the Jews because they are strong
Don't tell him that we still cannot become citizens
of the Arab nations we were born in
Don't tell him that our brethren kicked us out of Jordan
Tell him Jews massacred us in Lebanon, not Arab Christians
Tell him about Paradise
Don't tell him about Arabs in Knesset

7.
Tell him to become a Shahid
Tell him that we will never compromise
Tell him that the "peace process" is just another means to conquer land
Tell him not to say that out loud
Tell him that a child-killer is a hero for all Arabs
Don't tell him that we killed hundreds of each other in Gaza
Don't tell him we used to have jobs and work together with the Jews
Don't tell him that the intifada was a failure
Tell him to cry on top of rubble if a reporter comes by
Tell him we won all our wars with the Jews
Don't tell him why we still live in camps in Gaza
Tell him we'll be proud of him when he becomes a shahid
Tell him that his family will be taken care of after he dies
Tell him to take as many Jews as he can
Tell him he will be a hero
and we are so proud of him