Friday, May 05, 2023
Elder of Ziyon
If Israel would declare that puppies are cute:
BDS would start a campaign saying Israel is "puppy-washing" and criticizing Israel for politicizing puppies.
Palestinian NGOs and then JVP would make AI-generated posters showing puppies tearing apart the bodies of Palestinians.
The New York Times would call liking puppies "controversial" and feature 25 paragraphs of anti-puppy propaganda before adding, "Some still like puppies."
The SPCA would issue a statement saying that its pro-puppy stance should not be interpreted as supporting war crimes and begging people to not firebomb them.
Nickelodeon would pre-emptively cancel Paw Patrol after TikTok videos of kids chanting "Palestinian kids must grow up! Say no to Paw Patrol Pups!"
Signs that say "No Puppies or Zionists Allowed" would start to dot trendy progressive shops.
Teachers who read stories about puppies to their classes would get fired for being insensitive to Palestinians.
Dog owners would be too frightened to walk their dogs in dog parks. Houses with fenced-in yards would go up in value as the owners flee to the suburbs.
IfNotNow would "out" pro-Israel politicians as "Ziopups."
J-Street would issue a carefully crafted press release saying that they do not support the anti-puppy campaign but they are cognizant of how painful puppy ownership is to Palestinians and affirm that everyone has the right to hate puppies.
A poster saying "Send the puppies back to Auschwitz" would be defended by anti-Zionists as only being anti-puppy, not antisemitic.
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