Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory
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Bill CosbyWashington, April 13 - Amid continued revelations that the Obama administration has failed to push back against Iran's repeated violations of the nuclear deal struck last year, the president has engaged the services of trusted comic icon Bill Cosby to reassure worried citizens that all is going according to plan and that the wisest course of action is the one the White House has been pursuing.

White House spokesman Josh Earnest told reporters of the hire this afternoon (Wednesday) at a press briefing, and expressed the hope that Cosby's stature in the entertainment industry would help sell the administration's policy to a skeptical American public. He then introduced the 78-year-old entertainer to the White House press corps for some brief remarks. Cosby did not take questions.

"I think I speak for all Americans when I say that Bill Cosby inspires confidence," said Earnest, recalling the actor's character Dr. Cliff Huxtable from the 1980's sitcom The Cosby Show. "Whether as Dr. Huxtable or as himself, nobody invites trust the way Bill Cosby does."

The comedian thanked Earnest and told the assembled journalists he was honored to accept the president's offer. "What this country needs right now is someone to calm the populace, to assuage their anxieties over the Iran nuclear deal and its enforcement," intoned Cosby. "And that is what I intend to do. I look forward to reassuring the country that they have nothing to fear from Iran anymore. The Islamic Republic will serve as a source of stability in the region, and we certainly need not suspect there is anything ulterior about the arrangement."

"I lend my reputation and credibility to this endeavor because I believe it is in the best interest of the country and the world," continued the veteran television personality. "Certainly I do not think Iran, or the administration, would violate the trust placed in them, and certainly not take advantage of our vulnerabilities, or those of our allies, to pursue anything untoward. They also would not abuse the new status that the nuclear deal gives them to unfair advantage over the less powerful to violate them in any way."

"Do not give credence to stories that the administration has been intimidating officials who might challenge the agreement's wholesome image," added Cosby. "They have ulterior motives, and don't have your best interests at heart. Trust me. Trust us. Bill Cosby wouldn't hurt you or betray your trust, would he?"

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