Thursday, February 06, 2025

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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El Salvador OK Taking Violent US Criminals, But Palestinian ‘Refugees’ A Hard NO

San Salvador, February 6 - The president of an up-and-coming Central American country clarified today that while he may be willing to contract with the Trump administration to imprison US residents convicted of various brutal felonies, such an arrangement cannot and will not apply to anyone fleeing the Gaza Strip, because those people are far too dangerous, a spokesman for Nayib Bukele disclosed today.

"The president has made clear his openness to working with the United States to incarcerate violent criminals," stated presidential aide Delito Violento. "President Bukele's dramatic success in crime reduction through strict enforcement and harsh penalties has driven crime way down in this country. We would be thrilled to partner with President Trump to work toward similar results in the US, which would benefit the entire region."

"The thing is," continue Violento, "not all criminals are the same. In the US, as in El Salvador, indeed, in almost all remotely civilized countries, crime, however rampant, does not form part of the ethos of the culture, of the society. The non-criminals, and even most of the criminals, understand the problematic nature of their behavior, powerless as they may feel to change it. Not so for Palestinians, certainly not Palestinians in Gaza. They live, breathe, glorify, and sanctify violence. We cannot take any of them. It would destroy El Salvador."

Bukele's unwillingness to accept Palestinians desperate to flee war-ravaged Gaza stems from the same opposition to it as every other country: no one wants to absorb a population steeped in radicalism, hatred, and violence as the answer to life's problems.

"El Salvador is hardly unique in this respect," observed political commentator Mehdi Hassan. "Muslims and Arabs make a lot of noise about loving and supporting Palestinians. Even if it were true a hundred years ago, it's definitely not true now. It's more about hating Jews and Israel than it is about helping or liking Palestinians. They're leeches. Crybullies. Entitled. Spoiled beyond belief. Not to mention a destabilizing force wherever they live, in Gaza or anywhere. El Salvador isn't staking out some bold new position at odds with global sentiment. They're giving us the consensus view, just not dressed up in the language of the conflict with Israel."

Aides to US President Donald Trump indicated that whether or not the El Salvador proposal works out - it might violate Constitutional law, according to some experts - the new administration has begun to weigh shipping the violent criminals to Gaza itself, which would raise the moral level of the territory by a significant margin.



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