Thursday, June 04, 2020

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

Check out their Facebook page.


serverTel Aviv, June 4 - Israeli secret intelligence officials and agents scrambled today to mitigate damage that resulted since late last week when a maintenance worker unintentionally activated a machine that set in motion violent outbreaks in many major American urban centers and several smaller locales, an anonymous spokesman for the agency disclosed Thursday.

According to initial assessments of the incident, the spokesman revealed, a late-night cleaning crew at Mossad headquarters jostled a device that was in the middle of complicated hardware upgrades, and as such had been left in an exposed position. The cleaning crew performed its usual routine, but the device, located in a server room that employees enter on average only once a week, became activated when a cleaner's mop swabbed a sensitive panel. The accident caused a chain reaction in the agency's quantum mind-control matrix that led to the Minneapolis death at the hands of police of an African-American, a death that in turn sparked protests that soon turned violent, even deadly - and in many cases resulted in widespread looting and a breakdown in law and order across the Unites States.

Mossad technicians only realized on Tuesday that the stateside violence came from their machine, when a different maintenance task took them to the same server room thirty stories below ground level. "It was only then that someone noticed the riot device was active," the spokesman stated. "From that point forward, our agents and tech people have been working around the clock to reset things on our end, but much of the damage is already done in New York, Los Angeles, Portland, Washington, and Minneapolis, just to note a few hotspots."

The debacle represents the Mossad's most significant acknowledged foul-up since the election of Donald Trump to the presidency in late 2016. "That was a whopper," recalled independent intelligence analyst Glinn Grenwald. "Afterwards we saw a skilled effort, to some degree successful, to paint Trump's election as a successful operation, but in fact the Mossad was as blindsided by the outcome as Putin was. This one, with the looting and the riots, and the dishonest coverage all around of police activities, well, that's quite a cluster**** in its own right, but doesn't quite rise to the level of Donald Trump assuming the most powerful office in the history of the world."

Observers also drew comparisons to the 1967 sinking of the USS Liberty, 9/11, Hurricane Katina, and several other incidents for which Israel often gets blamed but in fact the CIA orchestrated.



EoZTV Podcast

Podcast URL

Subscribe in podnovaSubscribe with FeedlyAdd to netvibes
addtomyyahoo4Subscribe with SubToMe

Support EoZ by shopping!

search eoz

comments

Speaking

follow me

Follow by Email

translate

Share on Whatsapp


E-Book

For $18 donation








Sample Text

EoZ's Most Popular Posts in recent years

Hasbys!

Elder of Ziyon - حـكـيـم صـهـيـون



This blog may be a labor of love for me, but it takes a lot of effort, time and money. For over 14 years and 30,000 articles I have been providing accurate, original news that would have remained unnoticed. I've written hundreds of scoops and sometimes my reporting ends up making a real difference. I appreciate any donations you can give to keep this blog going.

Donate!

Donate to fight for Israel!

Monthly subscription:
Payment options


One time donation:

subscribe via email

Follow EoZ on Twitter!

Interesting Blogs

Categories

#PayForSlay Abbas liar Academic fraud administrivia al-Qaeda algeria Alice Walker American Jews AmericanZionism Amnesty analysis anti-semitism anti-Zionism antisemitism apartheid Arab antisemitism arab refugees Arafat archaeology Ari Fuld art ASHREI B'tselem bahrain Balfour bbc BDS BDSFail Bedouin Beitunia beoz Bernie Sanders Birthright book review Brant Rosen breaking the silence Campus antisemitism Cardozo cartoon of the day Chakindas Chanukah Christians circumcision Clark Kent coexistence Community Standards conspiracy theories Cyprus Daled Amos Daphne Anson David Applebaum Davis report DCI-P Divest This double standards Egypt Elder gets results ElderToons Electronic Intifada Embassy EoZ Trump symposium eoz-symposium EoZNews eoztv Erekat Erekat lung transplant EU Euro-Mid Observer European antisemitism Facebook Facebook jail Fake Civilians 2014 Fake Civilians 2019 Farrakhan Fatah featured Features fisking flotilla Forest Rain Forward free gaza freedom of press palestinian style future martyr Gary Spedding gaza Gaza Platform George Galloway George Soros German Jewry gideon levy gilad shalit gisha Goldstone Report Good news Grapel Guardian guest post gunness Haaretz Hadassah hamas Hamas war crimes Hananya Naftali hasbara Hasby 2014 Hasby 2016 Hasby 2018 hate speech Hebron helen thomas hezbollah history Hizballah Holocaust Holocaust denial honor killing HRW Human Rights Humanitarian crisis humor huor Hypocrisy ICRC IDF IfNotNow Ilan Pappe Ilhan Omar impossible peace incitement indigenous Indonesia international law interview intransigence iran Iraq Islamic Judeophobia Islamism Israel Loves America Israeli culture Israeli high-tech J Street jabalya James Zogby jeremy bowen Jerusalem jewish fiction Jewish Voice for Peace jihad jimmy carter John Kerry jokes jonathan cook Jordan Joseph Massad Juan Cole Judaism Judea-Samaria Judean Rose Kairos Karl Vick Keith Ellison ken roth khalid amayreh Khaybar Know How to Answer Lebanon leftists Linda Sarsour Linkdump lumish mahmoud zahar Mairav Zonszein Malaysia Marc Lamont Hill max blumenthal Mazen Adi McGraw-Hill media bias Methodist Michael Lynk Michael Ross Miftah Missionaries moderate Islam Mohammed Assaf Mondoweiss moonbats Morocco Mudar Zahran music Muslim Brotherhood Naftali Bennett Nakba Nan Greer Nation of Islam Natural gas Nazi Netanyahu News nftp NGO NIF Noah Phillips norpac NYT Occupation offbeat Omar Barghouti Only in Israel Opinion Opinon oxfam PA corruption PalArab lies Palestine Papers pallywood pchr PCUSA Peace Now Peter Beinart Petra MB poetry Poland poll Poster Preoccupied Prisoners propaganda Proud to be Zionist Puar Purim purimshpiel Putin Qaradawi Qassam calendar Quora Rafah Ray Hanania real liberals reference Reuters Richard Falk Richard Silverstein Right of return Rivkah Lambert Adler Robert Werdine rogel alpher roger cohen roger waters Rutgers Saeb Erekat Sarah Schulman Saudi Arabia saudi vice self-death self-death palestinians settlements sex crimes SFSU shechita sheikh tamimi Shelly Yachimovich Shujaiyeh Simchat Torah Simona Sharoni SodaStream South Africa Speech stamps Superman Syria Tarabin Temple Mount Terrorism This is Zionism Thomas Friedman TOI Tomer Ilan Trump Tunisia Turkey UCI UK UN UNDP unesco unhrc UNICEF United Arab Emirates Unity unrwa UNRWA hate unrwa reports UNRWA-USA unwra Varda Vic Rosenthal Washington wikileaks work accident X-washing Y. Ben-David Yemen YMikarov zahran Ziesel zionist attack zoo Zionophobia Ziophobia Zvi

Best posts of the past 12 months


Nominated by EoZ readers

The EU's hypocritical use of "international law" that only applies to Israel

Blog Archive