Palestinians Visiting D.C. Riot Upon Seeing Jews Approach Domed Structure (PreOccupied Territory)

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Washington, January 12 - A group of tourists from villages around Ramallah and Tulkarm created disturbances in the vicinity of the US Capitol building Thursday when one of them spotted another group entering the rotunda-capped facility in traditional Hasidic garb, and reacted as accustomed when catching sight of such people entering a building with that architectural feature.

Seventeen Palestinians began yelling and throwing objects at students from an orthodox school visiting the Capitol this morning, witnesses reported, acting according to the precedent set by Palestinian behavior when Jews ascend the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, where two domed Islamic shrines occupy the Jewish holy site and Muslims object to permitting Jews entry, let alone worship, on the plateau.

"Jewish settlers are storming the... mosque-like thing!" shouted one, and began running toward the steps of the Capitol, but struggled to rush up the steps before the group entered the building and disappeared from sight. Slower-to-react members of the Palestinian group chose instead to throw bottles, food, and a random bag of trash in the direction of the Jewish group, but fell short. The Jewish group appeared not to notice the disturbance.

"Call Amnesty International!" cried one member of the Palestinian group. "Call Btselem! Hamas! The Morabitoun! The Morabitat!" referring to Islamist gangs that have tried to intimidate Jews away from the Temple Mount, and who enjoy moral support from Western progressives who see discrimination against Jews as an important element of their vision for human rights.

"They're desecrating it with their filthy feet!" shouted another, echoing Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas in his alarm over Jews visiting the holiest site in the world for Jews, which Muslims appropriated by conquest in the seventh century and proceeded to neglect for most of the next 1300 years until Jews had the capacity once again to assert connection to it.

Capitol Police approached the group to determine the source of the disturbance, but took several minutes to find anyone calm enough to explain. Police briefly detained two of them but released them following cries of "Islamophobia!" and threats of legal action.

"I hope the people inside have stockpiled rocks, fireworks, and other weapons to resist the invaders," grumbled one of the group after the incident had passed its peak. "That's what the Al Aqsa experience tells us a holy mosque is for. In case it's needed, I volunteer to climb on the roof and urinate on it, to demonstrate Islam's exclusive claim to the sacred site."

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Persian Gulf Countries Attempt To Fuse Oil-Based, Slave-Based Economies (PreOccupied Territory)

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Doha, January 5 - The recent World Cup contests and festivities in Qatar highlighted a salient long-term issue for the dictatorships and monarchies in the region, observers note, where the tension between old and new features at the fore of social, financial, political, and other issues, with specific prominence for the often-competing but sometimes-complementary models of generating revenue from fossil fuels using the most modern technology and the exploitation of tens of thousands of migrant "workers" to perform menial, hazardous tasks.

Investors, government officials, businessmen, and tourists highlight the burgeoning economies of Qatar, Bahrain, Kuwait, the United Arab Emirates, Oman, and other Arab states, pointing to the advanced high-rise construction; their citizens' high per-capita income; the availability of luxury goods of every kind; and high return on equity in local petroleum-based enterprises. At the same time, the government and diplomatic corps of those nations wield rose-colored propaganda to induce and entice myriad foreigners, mostly from underdeveloped countries, to earn a living in the region, and when those foreigners arrive, local "entrepreneurs" confiscate their passports, enslave them, mistreat them, and force them to engage in dangerous jobs in the construction and infrastructure industries.

The tension between ancient and modern exists throughout the developing world, where archaeology and venerable sites or cultural phenomena vie for resources and priority with the existential need to generate revenue and develop the economy. The exigencies of rule of law and property rights often conflict with nomadic lifestyles of certain tribes with little notion of private real estate, from Israel to Dakota to Australia to Chad. Few countries have managed to synthesize the old and the new in a way that satisfies advocates for either set of resources. The Persian Gulf countries, however, continue to attempt the feat, and government figures from throughout the region noted some of the successes in that regard.

"The modern Arabic world for 'Black man' - an African - is some variation of 'abed, meaning 'slave' - so that should give you an idea of which traditions get preserved and maintained, and which ones are candidates for modernization," explained Qatar Minister for Economic Affairs Prince Abdel Rahman.

"The synthesis of ancient and modern is an ongoing negotiation, a process," remarked Saudi commentator Quntaq Inte. "Some countries do it better than others. Iran and Saudi Arabia, for example, are involved in helping Yemen come down firmly on the side of prioritizing the old - not by preserving it, as one might think, but, counterintuitively, by destroying everything else."

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Palestinians Hijack Sleigh, Hold Santa Hostage (PreOccupied Territory)

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Bethlehem, December 25 - A group of terrorists operating in the traditionally-accepted birthplace of Jesus interdicted the passage of St. Nicholas's reindeer-pulled vehicle tonight as it passed over the town, and have since kept him in an undisclosed location, a spokesman for the group announced today.

A masked man calling himself Abu Knaffeh released a video on the new Twitter account of an organization named Leopards of Al-Quds, in which he claimed he and his comrades had kidnapped Santa Claus. The two-minute clip showed a fat, bearded man in a white-fur-trimmed red suit and hat tied to a chair, the contents of several sacks strewn about the room as masked, gun-toting men rifled through them. Abu Knaffeh threatened to slaughter one reindeer each half-hour, and then Santa himself, unless Israel releases all Palestinians in its prisons.

Israeli officials vowed not to give in to terror. "Santa will be fine," assured Minister of Public Security Itamar ben-Gvir. "Reindeer are expendable, and Rudolph was always a suspicious character. Probably gay. As for this Santa character, I don't care much for pagan icons. Let him rot. Unless we can stage a dramatic rescue in which our guys kill a bunch of scum terrorists. We haven't ruled that out."

European progressives called the development unfortunate, but a predictable outcome of Israeli policies. "We've seen this before," lamented UN Rapporteur Francesca Albanese. "It was only a matter of time before Palestinians felt they had no choice but to keep doing the very thing they've been doing for fifty-plus years because the West always relents and pressures Israel, which is the way things should be."

Eyewitness reports also indicate that the contents of Santa's sacks were now being sold at Bethlehem stores, alongside UNRWA-provided flour and rice marked "Not for Sale."

Experts noted that the once-strong Christian population of Bethlehem has contracted drastically since the ancient town, just to the south of Jerusalem, came under Palestinian control under agreements with Israel in the 1990's. "This wouldn't have happened under Israeli control," noted Dick Move of The Mideast Fallacy Purim, a think tank. "Areas under Israeli control are the only places in the Middle East where the Christian population isn't shrinking. Bethlehem is a powerful microcosm of the faith's fortunes in the region, where Islamist supremacist harassment has driven Christians elsewhere in huge numbers. Gaza, for example, is almost empty of Christians, and it used to be a stronghold. What's happening now, with Santa, is more or less the logical conclusion of a process that's been leading this way for a long time."

"Now would be a good time for a slay/sleigh pun," he added.

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Suicidal Palestinians Given Bomb Vests (PreOccupied Territory)

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Nablus, December 15 - Public health authorities in both the Gaza Strip and the self-rule areas of the West Bank have launched a streamlined process to address a troubling increase in the number of citizens who have expressed a desire to kill themselves, according to the Ministry of Health: give them an explosive device and send them marching toward Israelis.

Sources within the ministry - divided between the two territories since a 2007 civil war confined Fatah to the inland areas and gave Hamas control of Gaza on the Mediterranean coast - described parallel but similar initiatives directing mental health professionals and mandated reporters such as caregivers and teachers to inform ministry authorities when in the course of their work they encounter someone contemplating suicide. The referred Palestinians will then undergo a brief evaluation to determine to what degree they have resolved to off themselves, and those judged to have firm enough resolve will receive a "suicide vest" packed with nails and military-grade explosives, plus instructions to detonate themselves among as many Jews as possible.

Ministry officials acknowledged some incomplete elements of the program. "We still face important obstacles," stated Mustafa Massiqr of the Hamas-run version of the ministry. "We have, fortunately or unfortunately, a plentiful supply of depressed people under our aegis. A good quantity of that is by design, since Palestinian misery is the only international diplomatic currency we have. But there's the sticky matter of the border fence and robust Zionist security measures, including some way they've developed of defeating our cross-border tunnels. But once we work out that wrinkle, it'll be lights out."

His Fatah counterpart in Ramallah made analogous observations. "The security barrier that basically ended the Second Intifada hasn't gone away," observed Ahaf Tuqill. "Getting the right people through into Jewish cities, or even just getting close enough to a checkpoint to blow up near a soldier - it's not as easy as it might seem. But personnel isn't the problem; COVID and the irredeemable corruption of Palestinian government have produced enough of a supply of the suicidally depressed. Throw in the people with other things of which they're ashamed, such as homosexual tendencies, or things that can make them subject to blackmail, such as unauthorized contact with the opposite sex - there's no shortage of Palestinians looking to cement themselves in the popular consciousness as heroes, to avoid public discussion of their shame-inducing behavior."

"We also have to figure out the framing to make it all Israel's fault," he added, "but the media are always accommodating in that regard."

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"I Get To Reclaim My Ancestors' Home Because They Sided With A Failed Genocide" (PreOccupied Territory)

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I Get To Reclaim My Ancestors' Home Because They Sided With A Failed Genocide

by Issa Awad, Palestine Refugee

Tulkarm, December 8 - The morality is of the situation is clear: my forebears fled Haifa in anticipation of Arab liberators slaughtering the Jews of the city and making ample plunder available, but when that didn't happen, and the Jews actually won and took over the place, my great-grandparents set up here among the Iraqi soldiers who failed to push further west and the Jews into the sea as promised. Had the promised massacres of Jews taken place, my family would probably be running a fishing operation, while enjoying some swag looted from the Jews. But it didn't, and now the only fair thing is for their descendants to return to Haifa as if nothing had happened.

Why else would UNRWA exist? All refugees other than "Palestine Refugees" as defined by UNRWA follow a simple, if challenging, path: the UN Commissioner for Refugees cares for people fleeing conflict or persecution, and arranges for their permanent resettlement in some other country. Tens of millions of refugees have followed that route, but Palestine Refugees are special. We get to remain in perpetual statelessness until the war our people lost can be fought again and again, and maybe one day the result will be different. Until then, we live in dependence and squalor, because... I guess because pride and honor? That sounded better in my head.

In any case the legal and moral issue demands that my family and I get to go where my great-grandparents left so they could avoid all the unpleasantness of seeing Jewish body parts strewn about the place. It's somehow different from every other refugee story in history. Those other refugees were forced out, living in the wrong place at the wrong time, caught in an unfortunate situation. My family, on the other hand, maybe was, maybe wasn't forced out, and really wanted to come back, unlike all those other refugees who had no attachment to where they'd been living. It's a Palestinian thing? Even though the only people who identified as "Palestinian" at the time were Jews? I'm unclear on that part, but not on the morality.

The point is we get to flood Israel with "refugees" and win by demographics what we failed to do with bullets, because they had no right to defend themselves from the manifestly just pillaging we wanted to enjoy at their expense. It's about justice. Yes. That's what I meant to say.

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Report: Poor Showing By Arab Party Because Spent Campaign Funds On Candy To Celebrate Dead Jews (PreOccupied Territory)

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Nazareth, December 1 - Recriminations and harsh verbiage continued this week in the aftermath of a dramatic national election that saw one of the country's most venerable political factions representing Israel's Arab minority disappear from the parliament in a failure to attract enough votes to hit the representation threshold - apparently, according to recently-released documents, because ideologues had directed monies to showing solidarity with Palestinian terrorists instead of toward direct efforts to bring more loyal voters to the polls.

Balad fell thousands of votes short of the number necessary to secure seats in the Knesset during Israel's elections a month ago, part of the shifting political dynamic that saw parties supportive of former Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu garner enough votes to guarantee them 64 Knesset seats - three more than the minimum of 61 necessary for a majority coalition in the 120-seat legislature. Analysis has focused on the declining appeal of left-wing ideologies - Meretz also failed to clear the threshold, amid a decades-long decline; Labor barely managed to stay afloat as it competed with center-left Blue-and-White and center Yesh Atid for the same voters. But new disclosures indicate that Balad under Sami Abu Shehadeh fell victim to a different dynamic: instead of making direct rhetorical appeals to its base, it sabotaged its electoral chances by focusing on preparations to celebrate when Palestinian terrorists kill Jews, mostly in the form of candy for distribution in the streets.

Former party head Jamal Zahalka lambasted Abu Shehadeh for the decision, calling it "imbecilic and self-destructive." From exile abroad, former chief Azmi Bishara called the move "questionable," even as he acknowledged his own moral support for Hezbollah and other violent enemies of Israel. "I didn't sacrifice our electoral chances in the process," he stated. "Our task is to dismantle Israel as a Jewish state from the inside, and measures like this complicate things unnecessarily. Our giving out sweets doesn't distinguish us from the myriad other factions doing it, doesn't mark us as appealing to the right voter."

Last week, as Palestinians and some Arab citizens of Israel reacted with glee to Wednesday's double-bombing of bus stops at the main highway leading out of Jerusalem, the distribution of Balad's candy seemed more subdued than in the past. "It's a sick joke this time," lamented one passer-by, helping himself to some cheese pastry. "It's not like Balad has anything to be proud of, and it's far too early to be calling attention to themselves even if they want to stand in some upcoming election. Still, not gonna say no to free knaffeh."

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Descendants Of Arab Conquerors Confused Why European Settlers In Americas Never Claimed Land Was Always Theirs (PreOccupied Territory)

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Washington, November 24 - The distant progeny of seventh-century invaders of the Levant from the Arabian Peninsula and of later immigrants from around the region voiced puzzlement today that the White people who colonized and eventually took over the New World have not followed the same playbook they themselves did, namely to insist that they were there since the dawn of time and therefore the only legitimate people with collective political rights in the area.

Pro-Palestinian activists and political figures wondered Thursday what might explain Europeans' collective neglect of a powerful tool in the rhetorical repertoire, namely claiming that one's people occupy the same territory since time began, and that others who make claims on that territory have no historical validity to do so - despite that claim flying in the face of all the evidence indicating that one's ancestors in fact came much later.

"It works well for us, and I can't imagine why Westerners don't do that same thing," stated Nour Erakat, a commentator and political activist. "It would be so much easier for the US, for example, to dismiss 'Indian' claims by calling those claims lies, as we do with Jewish claims to our land. My clan in particular came to Palestine in the nineteenth century, but that doesn't stop us from insisting we're the original inhabitants going back to prehistory. And that we always identified as 'Palestinian,' even though no native group ever referred to itself as such. It would be so much less complicated that the current mess those New World governments have to deal with, what with the treaties, reservations, and other hassles. Just get rid of those other people and say you were always there. What's the big deal?"

"I understand the Western reluctance to abandon the factual realm entirely," acknowledged James Zogby. "Without an anchor in documented history, the Western mind can't make coherent sense of the world. But with time, we can teach them to create narratives that do not rely on such a flimsy basis as 'facts' and 'evidence' - and that will free them to do as we have done, to deny the legitimacy of indigenous peoples restoring their political nationhood, by denying the historicity of any such nationhood."

"Also, if Muslims can claim pre-Islamic and Biblical figures as Muslim," he added, "why all the fuss over anachronism? Just call the Lenape New Yorkers and Seminole Floridians and be done with it. It works for Al-Khalil, Al-Quds, the Haram al-Sharif, and Al-Aqsa."

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Year 2100: NGOs Accuse Israel Of 3D-Printing Palestinian Blood For Matza (PreOccupied Territory)

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Paris, November 17 - Human Rights groups again leveled the charge today against the Jewish State that the latter engages in the quasi-cannibalistic, quasi-murderous practice of manufacturing the likeness of Arab children's circulatory fluids and incorporating that product into the traditional flatbread Jews eat on Passover.

Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International, Btselem, and several other organizations made the accusation Thursday in a joint report they assembled from activist reports in territories that they and several activists consider under illegal Israeli occupation, while Israel and the rest of the world consider the areas either independent, self-governing non-state entities or part of the State of Israel. The report includes repetitions of older accusations, such as the "Apartheid" label that carried a coherent meaning a century ago but has now lost clear intent, and newer adaptations of familiar themes from previous reports, such as the charge that Israel creates physical replicas of Palestinian children's blood to use in matza.

"This heinous practice has been documented by activists for a thousand years," the report declared, in apparent reference to the first recorded Blood Libel, a twelfth-century incident in Norwich, England, that resulted in a massacre of Jews and introduced the phenomenon to the Europe and eventually to the Middle East. "The Occupation has consistently exploited technology to cement its hold on occupied Palestine, and the use of 3D printing for that purpose fits the same established mold."

HRW and Amnesty abandoned their global focus on human rights and political repression in the 2050's, electing to dispense with the pretense that the organizations' donors and staff paid any more than token attention to abuses that did not involve Jews as alleged perpetrators. HRW absorbed Israeli group Btselem in 2035 but maintains the organizational fiction that it constitutes a separate entity despite absolute overlap in personnel.

The groups presented their report at a press conference with Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, currently serving the 95th year of his four-year term in office; he was elected in 2006. The office of President became largely ceremonial once donor countries withdrew their support amid consistent Palestinian refusal to agree to final-status talks, let alone to refrain from murderous incitement to terrorism and paying lifetime pensions to terrorists and their families. Abbas lost his main sponsor with the fall of Iran's Islamist regime decades ago, and with an iron fist, rules the offices he rents in Basel, Switzerland, using nearly a billion dollars in embezzled aid money.

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Airline Officials Puzzled: No Rush Of Leftists Leaving Country After Right-Wing Victory, Despite Vows (PreOccupied Territory)

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Ben-Gurion International Airport, November 10 - Representatives of the dozens of carriers offering passenger service to destinations from here all over the world voiced confusion today, more than a week after a convincing electoral showing by conservative factions in national elections: numerous supporters of the now-minority faction threatened to move out of the country if the pro-Netanyahu faction attracted enough votes to return to power, but in practice the carriers have registered no uptick in flight reservations commensurate with the anticipated exodus.

"Well first of all, it's disappointing, from a planning and economic standpoint," stated Moshe Ufnik of El Al Israel Airlines. "The demographic most associated with those pronouncements isn't necessarily going to choose us as their carrier, but from what I understand of our colleagues in Israel's international passenger aviation community, our experience has been typical in this respect."

"We had some anticipation of a windfall over the next several months, perhaps up to two years out," acknowledged Lufthansa spokesman Gerhardt von Stupp. "Germany features often in Israeli middle-class laments about the cost of living, in contrast with other places. Naturally, we expected the group who vowed to leave in case of a right-wing victory to make good on their commitment - all the more so since in contrast with their nemesis the criminally-indicted Netanyahu, obviously they must be paragons of integrity and would never make bombastic pronouncements such as the ones they did, unless they intended to back them up with action. At this stage, however, we have seen no noticeable increase in demand for flights to Germany from such potential customers, not even for connecting flights to other destinations. It's confounding."

A Turkish Airways representative disclosed that her company had considered offering a "migration bird package" to left-wing Israelis in anticipation of just such an outward wave, but that a combination of uncertain polling leading up to the election and the overt political content of commercial advertising making executives uncomfortable put the kibosh on such a marketing angle.

"It was too close to call for a long time," explained Roonil Wazlib. "If the electorate didn't return a convincing verdict for Netanyahu, the entire marketing campaign would misfire. We couldn't take that financial risk. Nevertheless, it's surprising to see no bump at all in people moving out of Israel. We heard so much talk to the effect that a Bibi restoration would spark mass flight in certain circles."

"We did have some Tel Aviv people fly to Istanbul for good weekend hotel deals, though," she conceded.

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Omnipotent God Amused You Think 'Can God Make A Stone He Can't Lift?' Means Anything (PreOccupied Territory)

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Heaven, November 3 - The creator ex nihilo of all existence, with complete control and absolute knowledge of every last detail of that creation, expressed appreciation today for the humor of your feeble attempts at disproving His immanent reality, supernal sources disclosed.

"Oh My Me, that's funny," the Almighty was heard to utter. "That human, and many others, believe that the limited, inadequate capacity of human language and cognition has any bearing on My nature." The LORD made the statement in response to a transcript of your contending that the paradoxical inquiry, "Can God make a stone so heavy that not even He can move it?" undermines the coherence of God as commonly understood as a tenable proposition.

"If God can make a stone that He can't lift then there's something God can't do, which means He's not omnipotent," you declared, with laughable confidence. "If He can make the stone but then lift it, then He can't make a stone that He can't lift, which means there's something God can't do, and He's not omnipotent. Checkmate, believers."

The Being that created the universe with the spoken word made heard what other divine beings heard as a chuckle. "I say God 'chuckled' because that's a word approximating the idea," cautioned the Archangel Gabriel. "Words, of course, as human constructs, cannot convey the fullness of God's actions or communication, as even the word 'God' is just a placeholder for His true essence that cannot be captured in the narrow capacity of language, and the pronoun 'He' is a pale reflection of what it represents in reference to God. My point is, the One who generated the very fabric of reality inherently possesses the power to create whatever He wishes and mold that creation to fit His will - and that omnipotence perforce includes control over Himself, which He can choose to restrict."

"In other words," continued Gabriel, "God can set rules that He chooses to follow, by which He will not do certain things. If appropriate, that may include not lifting a rock He has created. The rules are crucial for order, which He would disrupt by exercising non-selective omnipotence, and He therefore controls His omnipotence for the purpose of achieving the purpose of creation that He has ordained - partly to empower humanity to make choices that matter." You appear not to understand that, the archangel added, which, if he may remark, is hilarious in a pitiful sort of way, considering how smart and sophisticated you think your flimsy argument is.

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Israel Doing Same Things Other Countries Do Somehow Worse Because JEWS (PreOccupied Territory)

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Tel Aviv, October 30  - International organizations calling attention to the Jewish State's actions and how they affect Palestinians stressed the importance today of maintaining focus and pressure on the country and its government because of those actions, which take place in most every other state in the world, but require greater urgency and severity in response because Jews.

Representatives of United Nations agencies and various global human rights groups agreed in separate interviews Thursday that the world must maintain its insistence on giving Israeli policies and behaviors prominence in new coverage and human rights criticism even as regimes near and far perpetrate violations equal to or far worse than Israel's alleged crimes, because "you've got to start somewhere" and that somewhere for every single one of those organizations and agencies has to be Israel because Jews.

"Israeli brutality is the root of brutality elsewhere," explained an activist with the BDS movement in the southern English city of Brighton. "The world was an entirely peaceful place until the Zionists came and disturbed everything. If we can reverse the establishment of Jewish sovereignty and security in a place of their choosing, we can restore the bliss that the world knew before 1896. That's why when Israel destroys a rocket-launch site in Gaza that targeted Israelis, it's worse than China's treatment of its Muslim Uighur minority, which, between you and me, can you even prove?"

"Tens of millions of ethnic German refugees had to leave the homes they knew in Czech, Polish, and other territory at the end of and after World War Two," observed Chris Gunness, a former Gaza coordinator for the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees who had to operate out of Tel Aviv because Gazans would have killed him for his homosexuality. "Then there was the creation of Pakistan out of the former British possession of India - tens of millions on both sides of the partition line who had to move to the new entity on the other side, through abundant suffering and abuse. They were permanently resettled in their respective new countries despite generations, even ancient, presence of their families in the previous location. Then the world stopped treating those issues as important. But with Palestinians and Israel we need to perpetuate the refugees and their descendants in that stateless status until Israel agrees - or is forced to - destroy itself, because... it's Israel. Everyone knows that's different."

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Egyptian scientists: ‘Mosquitos’ Just Israeli DNA-Harvesting Tech To Make New Pathogens, Weapons (PreOccupied Territory)

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Cairo, October 20 - Egyptian scientists claimed today to have blown the lid off a longtime operation through which Zionists have conducted a clandestine project to gather, process, and exploit Arab genetic material in the development and manufacture of terrible warfare methods to use against Palestinians and other enemies: miniature drones that look and act like a stinging insect but no such insect exists in nature.

Entomologists at the University of Cairo announced today that they have confirmed a hypothesis several researchers posited years ago, namely that the Anopheles mosquito, the most common variety that collects blood from humans, emerged not millions of years ago through natural evolution, but at most several centuries ago through the vile machinations of a Jewish laboratory cabal bent on suppressing, controlling, and eliminating the native Arab population of the Levant in an effort to displace them.

"We've finally been able to confirm one of our leading theories," declared lead researcher Dr. Daoud Trustmi. "It turns out that there are literally hundreds of species of mosquito, almost none of which take blood from humans. But we're supposed to believe there's this tiny handful of them that just happens to like human blood, when literally hundreds of millions of other animals are out there, and in much greater numbers? Sus."

"We knew there was something wrong with the way everyone just assumed human-attracted mosquitos were a natural thing," he continued. "So we applied one of the tried-and-true methods of virtuous crusaders - pardon the loaded term - for truth that most people dismiss as crackpots: qui bono? Who stands to benefit? Since Zionists stand to benefit from such a scheme, that must be proof of its existence. the same flawless logic stands at the foundation of everything we know about 9-11, for example."

Dr. Trustmi acknowledged the clever propaganda move by Zionists of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries in planting trees to drain the malaria-infested swamps of Palestine. "They got everyone thinking they were opposed to mosquito-borne diseases and such," he explained. "But the whole time it was all a ruse to get us all to let our guard down. Who would suspect the very people who eliminated so many mosquito-borne pathogens of using mosquitos to further their imperialistic designs?"

The research team offered a hat tip to American activists fighting an uphill battle to convince the public that birds do not exist anymore, having been replaced over the last century by government drones to spy on the populace.

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Man Who Plans Fringe Party 'Protest' Vote Talks Up Nonexistent Impact It Will Have (PreOccupied Territory)

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Jerusalem, October 7 - A voter who finds that none of the parties likely to garner enough votes in Israel's next parliamentary elections dovetail with his political and social agenda voiced his intention again today to cast a ballot for one of the alternative lists that stand no chance of meeting the electoral threshold, a move he describes as "a statement" and "a protest against the corrupt people who control the system," and believes, against all evidence, that the statement or protest will somehow make a discernible difference.

Guy Shoham, 30, informed relatives, coworkers, and friends at multiple points over the last several months of his plan to vote for one of the small, special-interest parties that stand no chance of meeting the electoral threshold, a figure that sits in the tens of thousands. He has told anyone listening, and several more who were not, that he has had it "up to here" with the established political parties, the cookie-cutter way in which politicians attempt to attract votes, the consistent triumph of form over substance, and the system's chronic cowardice to address the core challenges that Israel faces. The best way to effect change, he has argued, involves voting for one of the fringe parties that no sane oddsmaker sees reaching the threshold, instead of giving one's precious vote to parties that will continue to favor their careers and positions over the long-term public good.

"It's the right thing to do," insisted Shoham. "Only if I vote out of the box will the powers that be get the message that I'm not interested in their games or self-contradictory agendas. Only by taking completely futile measures that no one of any consequence will even notice, let alone respect, can I hope to convey my frustration and disappointment to them."

In previous elections, Shoham has preferred the strategy of placing a blank ballot in the envelope, signaling his distaste for any of the parties registered for that contest. In the interim, however, he acknowledges what he calls a maturation of sorts. "I can't just say nothing when my voice gets a personal invitation to speak," he admitted. "So I bit the bullet, ideologically, and this time around I've found at least two parties with narrow enough areas of concern to match my own sensibilities, and I'm prepared for the complexities of one of those parties making into the Knesset, the compromises that might be necessary elsewhere, ideologically speaking, to get those issue areas addressed. Let's see what happens when the Legalize Prostitution Party falls only 27,000 votes short of the threshold."

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