Thursday, January 12, 2023
Elder of Ziyon
Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.
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Washington, January 12 - A group of tourists from villages around Ramallah and Tulkarm created disturbances in the vicinity of the US Capitol building Thursday when one of them spotted another group entering the rotunda-capped facility in traditional Hasidic garb, and reacted as accustomed when catching sight of such people entering a building with that architectural feature.
Seventeen Palestinians began yelling and throwing objects at students from an orthodox school visiting the Capitol this morning, witnesses reported, acting according to the precedent set by Palestinian behavior when Jews ascend the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, where two domed Islamic shrines occupy the Jewish holy site and Muslims object to permitting Jews entry, let alone worship, on the plateau.
"Jewish settlers are storming the... mosque-like thing!" shouted one, and began running toward the steps of the Capitol, but struggled to rush up the steps before the group entered the building and disappeared from sight. Slower-to-react members of the Palestinian group chose instead to throw bottles, food, and a random bag of trash in the direction of the Jewish group, but fell short. The Jewish group appeared not to notice the disturbance.
"Call Amnesty International!" cried one member of the Palestinian group. "Call Btselem! Hamas! The Morabitoun! The Morabitat!" referring to Islamist gangs that have tried to intimidate Jews away from the Temple Mount, and who enjoy moral support from Western progressives who see discrimination against Jews as an important element of their vision for human rights.
"They're desecrating it with their filthy feet!" shouted another, echoing Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas in his alarm over Jews visiting the holiest site in the world for Jews, which Muslims appropriated by conquest in the seventh century and proceeded to neglect for most of the next 1300 years until Jews had the capacity once again to assert connection to it.
Capitol Police approached the group to determine the source of the disturbance, but took several minutes to find anyone calm enough to explain. Police briefly detained two of them but released them following cries of "Islamophobia!" and threats of legal action.
"I hope the people inside have stockpiled rocks, fireworks, and other weapons to resist the invaders," grumbled one of the group after the incident had passed its peak. "That's what the Al Aqsa experience tells us a holy mosque is for. In case it's needed, I volunteer to climb on the roof and urinate on it, to demonstrate Islam's exclusive claim to the sacred site."
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