Thursday, November 10, 2022

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Lufthansa Airbus A320Ben-Gurion International Airport, November 10 - Representatives of the dozens of carriers offering passenger service to destinations from here all over the world voiced confusion today, more than a week after a convincing electoral showing by conservative factions in national elections: numerous supporters of the now-minority faction threatened to move out of the country if the pro-Netanyahu faction attracted enough votes to return to power, but in practice the carriers have registered no uptick in flight reservations commensurate with the anticipated exodus.

"Well first of all, it's disappointing, from a planning and economic standpoint," stated Moshe Ufnik of El Al Israel Airlines. "The demographic most associated with those pronouncements isn't necessarily going to choose us as their carrier, but from what I understand of our colleagues in Israel's international passenger aviation community, our experience has been typical in this respect."

"We had some anticipation of a windfall over the next several months, perhaps up to two years out," acknowledged Lufthansa spokesman Gerhardt von Stupp. "Germany features often in Israeli middle-class laments about the cost of living, in contrast with other places. Naturally, we expected the group who vowed to leave in case of a right-wing victory to make good on their commitment - all the more so since in contrast with their nemesis the criminally-indicted Netanyahu, obviously they must be paragons of integrity and would never make bombastic pronouncements such as the ones they did, unless they intended to back them up with action. At this stage, however, we have seen no noticeable increase in demand for flights to Germany from such potential customers, not even for connecting flights to other destinations. It's confounding."

A Turkish Airways representative disclosed that her company had considered offering a "migration bird package" to left-wing Israelis in anticipation of just such an outward wave, but that a combination of uncertain polling leading up to the election and the overt political content of commercial advertising making executives uncomfortable put the kibosh on such a marketing angle.

"It was too close to call for a long time," explained Roonil Wazlib. "If the electorate didn't return a convincing verdict for Netanyahu, the entire marketing campaign would misfire. We couldn't take that financial risk. Nevertheless, it's surprising to see no bump at all in people moving out of Israel. We heard so much talk to the effect that a Bibi restoration would spark mass flight in certain circles."

"We did have some Tel Aviv people fly to Istanbul for good weekend hotel deals, though," she conceded.




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