Thursday, February 12, 2026
Elder of Ziyon
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The pond, known locally by the euphemism "the pool," after decades of faithful service to the moshav's septic system, issued a rare public statement through a spokesperson who spoke on condition of anonymity to avoid further contamination of its reputation. “We process what enters us with quiet dignity,” the spokesperson declared. “We settle solids, digest organics, and release clarified effluent in a manner consistent with environmental regulations—most of the time. To compare that steady, unglamorous labor to the Knesset insults not only our integrity but the very concept of functional governance.”
The offense traces to a viral social-media thread last week in which a prominent commentator described a particularly fractious plenary session as “a cesspool of egos and horse-trading.” The phrase ricocheted across Hebrew X, Telegram channels, and at least one op-ed in Haaretz, prompting the pond to retain legal counsel. “We tolerate metaphor,” the spokesperson continued, “but this crosses into defamation. A cesspool performs an essential public service: it contains chaos, neutralizes pathogens, and prevents overflow into the surrounding environment. The Knesset, by contrast, appears designed to generate toxic overflow on a daily basis.”
A slide circulated among local agricultural WhatsApp groups—titled “Comparative Utility Metrics: Cesspool vs. Knesset (2020–2025)”—illustrated the disparity. The pond scored consistently high on “predictable output” (effluent quality within 85–92% of standards) and “minimal public scandal” (zero coalition or structural integrity collapses). The Knesset chart showed volatile spikes in “procedural filibusters,” “no-confidence motions,” and “ministerial resignations due to corruption probes,” with a flatline in “legislative productivity per session.” A small footnote noted that both entities produce methane, though only one receives subsidies for it.
When reached for comment, a veteran MK from the opposition shrugged off the pond's complaint. “Every system has its critics,” the lawmaker said. “We debate, we posture, we occasionally pass a budget after midnight. The pond just sits there and ferments. If it wants respect, perhaps it should try holding a filibuster or leaking classified documents to the press.” The pond's spokesperson retorted that it has never leaked anything unintentionally, a record unmatched in either branch of government.
A Moshav Keshet dairy farmer who relies on the pond's output for irrigation defended its honor. “It does what it promises,” he said. “Unlike certain coalition agreements that evaporate the morning after signing.” He added that the pond has never demanded a state-funded pension or immunity from prosecution, and its integrity and reliability score far higher than any political entity.
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"He's an Anti-Zionist Too!" cartoon book (December 2024) PROTOCOLS: Exposing Modern Antisemitism (February 2022) |
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