Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory


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yellMoscow, November 22 - Environmental groups welcomed the announcement today of an agreement between Russia and the Palestinian Authority to provide the former with a large supply of hot air with which to heat residences and workplaces this winter.

Greenpeace, the Sierra Club, and other prominent ecology-minded organizations called the pilot arrangement a step in the right direction and a smart economic move by both parties, and characterized it as a welcome precedent in the ongoing global campaign to reduce dependence on non-renewable fuel sources that damage the environment.

The organizations issued a joint statement Monday praising the deal, which calls for the Palestinians to supply Russian energy companies for the next two years with 350 million cubic meters of hot air, a resource that Palestinians have rendered effectively inexhaustible. In exchange, Russia will pay the equivalent of US $2 billion. That quantity will offset Russian fossil fuel expenditures by several hundred billion rubles, according to estimates, and will provide a boost to a Palestinian economy that struggles to produce much of value.
"We hope this arrangement becomes a model that gets implemented elsewhere," read the statement. "Palestinian hot air production has long sufficed to meet the wintertime heating needs of numerous countries; the main impediment has been a lack of creative thinking. We foresee this welcome development undergoing adaptation for many other potential clients." Important potential clients include China, whose billion-plus population requires immense heating expenditures that have also wreaked havoc on the environment.

Analysts note that Palestinians have made previous attempts to export renewables, with mixed success. "The last several decades have seen the Palestinians introduce renewable technologies that got swiftly adopted by others," noted Mideast commerce expert Albiyeh Shaheed. "But not until this agreement has their innovativeness shown real profit potential. Airplane hijackings, stabbing sprees, vehicular terrorism - others were quick to copy the technology, even though Palestinians were the first to popularize it. The new hot air deal finally means some economic reward for Palestinian efforts."

"Of course the reward will accrue to Abbas and his cronies," added Shaheed, referring to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas. "But let's also keep in mind that Palestinian production of hot air is also concentrated in the circles surrounding the president, so the typical fleecing of the Palestinian public so the leadership can line their pockets is less pronounced in this case."

Israeli representatives voiced support for the deal. "Anything that strengthens the Palestinian economy is good for stability," declared Ministry of Trade spokesman Avir Ham. "It's helpful to remove all that hot air from around here in any case, because its accumulation contributes to global warming, and no one wants that."




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