Thursday, May 07, 2020

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory


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Al AqsaJerusalem, May 7 - Islamic officials at the council that administers holy sites on the Temple Mount accused the Jewish State today of setting up electronic devices in the area to prevent the five-times-daily prayers there from getting to Heaven where God will hear them.

Waqf representative Ayama Faqhedd lambasted Israeli security forces in the city and alleged they have installed emitters all around the elevated compound that jam prayer signals from Al Aqsa Mosque. Faqhedd made the accusation while discussing a the theological question of how Allah can allow the continued prosperity and success of the evil Jews even as the pious Muslims submit themselves to Him.

"One of several approaches to this question involves profound Jewish perfidy," he explained. "The devil-spawn Jews would of course attempt to interdict our righteous supplications. How else can we account for our ongoing shameful inability to oust those weak descendants of apes and pigs from Dar al-Islam despite our vastly superior numbers, superior virtue, and superior oil revenue? If we do not ask the omniscient deity to help us, how can He know what we want? And if the Jews can prevent what we ask from reaching the divine ear, how will Allah ever know we have asked? It must be some of the technology the Jews are always boasting they have developed."

Reports circulated online late Wednesday night on Palestinian social media about mysterious devices at various locations within Jerusalem's old city, with at least one use sharing images of a standpipe fire hydrant labeled as a signal-jamming emitter. Responses to the post and its copies on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram for the most part took it at face value, with perhaps one in ten voicing skepticism that the picture represented the alleged jamming equipment.

"Let's not jump to conclusions," cautioned one. "I mean, of course the Jews are doing it, I just don't think that's the device they're using. Probably drones or something." Other users dogpiled that one with invective and death threats for casting doubt on any element of the righteous cause.
Israeli security officials denied knowledge of jamming activity. "Maybe it's just our filthy feet defiling the place," suggested one, referring to comments by Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas in 2018 about Jews walking in respectful silence on the Temple Mount. "You know, that might disrupt the path of Muslim prayers to Allah. A place where Muhammad's horse landed one night must be really sensitive to disturbances such as the existence of Jews."



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