Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory
 
 
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kalePark Slope, June 1 - A group of socially-conscious, politically-aware Brooklyn residents have decided to help alleviate the suffering of the embattled Syrian people by collecting their excess leafy greens and donating them to relief organizations that will then deliver the foodstuffs to aid organizations assisting the Syrians, a spokeswoman for the group said today.
Humans United with Humans (HUH), a consortium of Brooklyn food co-ops, will begin encouraging members to buy an extra bunch of kale at each purchase and set it aside for shipment to Syria, where a five-year civil war has killed hundreds of thousands and displaced millions more. Sheryl Dunwoody, HUH spokeswoman, told reporters that the members voted to take action after seeing images of the carnage and suffering in Syria via Facebook and news programs and realizing that few Syrians would have access to kale under such conditions.
"We all want to do something about the situation, but it's hard to act from so far away," explained Dunwoody. "Then one of our members hit on the idea of collecting and donating kale, and the proposal immediately fired the imaginations of the membership." She added that while no specific aid organization has expressed willingness to deliver the kale to besieged, bombarded areas of Syria, it is only a matter of time before they identify one.
"We're also thinking of sending a representative with the kale, to present it to the needy Syrians, and maybe discuss with them some recipes for using it," she added. "But we thought better of that idea, because who are we to tell them how to prepare food? That smacks of the worst kind of imperialism. Also, no one volunteered to dedicate several weeks to such an endeavor."
Longtime Park Slope Co-op member Judith Wasserman voiced satisfaction that she and her fellow concerned citizens were finally able to do something to help. "It's been heart-wrenching for us, always hearing the news of the fighting, the killing, the wounded, and the shattered lives," she said. "But now we can address the heart-wrenching feeling with this gesture, and that's what's important." Wasserman, for her part, also wanted people to donate any music CDs they may have sitting unused in their cabinets, but that proposal was voted down after several members reminded their colleagues that CDs are not as authentic as vinyl.
"It's like 9/11 all over again," continued Wasserman. "After the attacks, people everywhere were looking for ways to show solidarity with the victims, and  remember how my circle of friends made everything better by baking an American flag cake.



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