Sunday, August 27, 2006

  • Sunday, August 27, 2006
  • Elder of Ziyon
I spent the past week in Florida in a sprawling retirement community. The men at daily minyan always crack me up, sometimes on purpose and sometimes unwittingly. Here are some of the things I overheard, mostly this past week but a couple from previous trips.
--
Catching the end of a joke:
"He says, 'Estelle! Where are you going?' Estelle answers, 'My father told me that on my wedding night I could go to town!'"
--
"Don't yell at me, I'm an old man!"
--
"In Boca Raton, they have minyan at 6:30, 7, 8 and 9 in the summer. Why don't we have so many minyanim here?"
"If we had that many, people would think we were retired!"
--
To a mostly bald man:: "Why do you have clips on your yarmulka? Are they clipping on to your skin?"
--
"Moshe one day had hagbah, and he dropped the Torah! He was so embarrassed that he ran out of the shul, and for the next six months he went to a club and worked out for hours every day. Finally he had a good set of muscles and walked back into the shul. They called him up and he picked up the Torah, threw it in the air with one hand, did two backflips, caught it again and then asked the gabbai, 'How do you like that?' The gabbai answered, 'That was very nice, but we gave you chamishi!'"
--
"Is anybody important sitting here?"
--
To one man: "Dovid, I don't care what they say about you, you're all right." To the next man: "Sam, I don't care what they say about you, you're all right."
--
"In shul, some of the ladies complain they're too hot, some are too cold."

"It's menopause! The New England Journal of Medicine should send some experts down here because our ladies have the longest change of life of anyone in history!"
--
Announcement at the bima. "Gentlemen, today is Mother's Day. Everybody take your mothers out to a nice dinner tonight."
--
"We noticed Sol didn't show up in shul for a couple of weeks. I started getting concerned, and called him - no answer. I was ready to call the police when I saw him at the store. I asked him, 'Are you OK?' He said 'Sure, I just got back from a two week cruise!'"
--
Posted from my Blackberry at the airport.

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