Mideast Place Names and Their Translations (cartoon)

I actually saw this on an antisemitic blog among lots of reprehensible cartoons. I don't think the blogger quite got the joke.

It originated at a wonderful blog called Diversity Lane that is unfortunately no longer active. But the cartoonist there is awesome. Check this out:

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Funny Israeli Shabbat video

If you aren't a religious Jew you might miss some jokes, but it is still funny. English transcript below.

Narrator: Givat Shmuel, a heavily populated concrete jungle located in the heart of Gush Dan. A National Geographic camera crew is observing a typical pack of the wild “Dati” [Orthodox] tribe. It’s 5 o’clock on a Friday afternoon and the pack is preparing for its weekly gathering. The Sha–bat ceremony. The alpha male howls, apparently in order to signal that the time of the gathering is near.
Father to children: Tell me, are you normal?! Shabbat’s in one hour! Go take showers, you and your spacey brother!
Father to wife: Nechama, do me a favor, boil the water already. Come on!
Narrator: The female, Necha–Ma, defends the family nest by marking her territory [close-up on her sponja mop].
Mother: Nobody enters the hall now, I just washed the floor!
Narrator: It’s 8:30, and the pack gathers for the ceremony. Our crew must remain silent to hear the alpha male’s deep gutteral sounds aimed to prepare the pack for the upcoming meal.
[Father uses hand motions and sounds to request that somebody bring salt to the table for the challah]
Narrator: What’s that noise? Near the dati tribe lives a pack from a different tribe, the Chilonim [secular Jews]. This pack is also fascinating. Even though it’s a completely different pack, it also celebrates the Sha–bat ceremony.
Father:Shabbat shalom, family.
Daughter: [Making video with her phone] My mommy and daddy at the Shabbat table.
Father: Also film the kiddush cup!
Narrator: It’s 7 in the morning and the secular pack seeks grazing land to expand it’s territory. This is a demanding process requiring the pack’s approval.
[Mother suggests distant destinations around Israel for a family hike]
Mother: So, Chatzbani?
Children: Boring!
Mother: Yehudiya?
Children: Boring!
Mother: Ramon Crater?
Children: Boring!
Mother: OK, Nachal Amud?
Children: Boring!
Father: Honey, why don’t we just get out a movie?
Narrator: Much like the dati tribe, the female of the chiloni tribe clearly has the final say [mother leads family out to go to the hike]
Narrator: Suddenly, an astonishing thing happens. The Dati pack encounters the Chiloni pack. Each pack is fascinated by the other, and approaches it with its own dialect.
Religious mother: Shabbat Shalom. What do you say? Maybe we could sit together to eat one Shabbat in the evening.
Secular mother: You mean a meal on Saturday night?
Religious father: No, Erev Shabbat, on Friday at night.
Secular father: You mean a Friday-night dinner?
Religious mother and father: No, a Shabbat meal.
Religious father: Never mind…why don’t you come now?
Secular mother: With pleasure!
Religious father: Great! We live on the 13th floor.
Religious mother: Moti! The Shabbat elevator!
Religious father: The elevator! Run! Run! Come!
Narrator: These tribes share the same origin. And there’s more to bring them together than to set them apart.
Secular mother: What’s a Shabbat elevator?
[Both families crowd into small elevator]
Religious father: Only seven more flights to go!
Narrator: Our head researcher, Abba Kookoo, finds that they can even spend the Shabbat ceremony together.
[Around Shabbat table, religious father indicates for somebody to bring the salt for the Challah. Secular son starts drinking from the handwashing cup]
Secular mother: Yoni! What are you doing?! You don’t drink from that!
Religious father: It’s forbidden to talk right now…[they all start talking with hand motions and sounds]
Narrator: Nature is unpredictable and so are the animals trying to survive in it. It seems however that with tolerance and good will, the delicate balance of the circle of life is preserved.

This video is an advertisement for “Israeli shabbat”(October 25th) when religious families around Israel invite secular families to join them for a Shabbat meal.

(h/t Yerushalimey)

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The strange case of the Gaza Apollo statue (update)

Repubblica reports on a remarkable find made last month by a Gaza fisherman named Mounir. Caught in his fishing net was a life-size, gold colored statue of Apollo, that had been buried in the sand for some 2500 years.

His first concern was whether it was made out of pure gold that he could sell. Since one cannot secretly  carry around a huge statue in Gaza,  Mounir did the next best thing:  he cut off the statue's finger, to be able to show it to experts to see what it was made out of.

Unfortunately for Mounir, it was bronze.

This is Gaza, however, and Hamas security is everywhere. Within hours of his showing the severed finger to dealers, he was arrested and the statue was seized.

But now Hamas has a dilemma.

Islam forbids making a human form in a statue. Worse yet, Apollo is not wearing clothing.

The article implies that Hamas has sold antiquities to the black market in the past. This statue would be worth a fortune, and Hamas is in bad financial shape now. The statue could make a dent in Hamas' budget.

According to the article, Hamas is now negotiating with black market dealers, and the statue could fetch as much as $20-40 million.

Even without the finger.

(h/t DM)

UPDATE: See here.

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Rabbi brothers singing "Sounds of Silence" on Israeli talent show (video, updated)

This is very cool, although their accents sometimes get in the way:




Somehow, I don't think that they're going to cover "Ceclia" though...

UPDATE: They are apparently well-known street musicians, called The Breslov Brothers, and have even covered....Pink Floyd!



They don't have to worry about Roger Waters dropping by to listen, though!

Also check out their Tears in Heaven.



(h/t Malca)

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Hatikva for Dummies

Silly stuff for Friday afternoon.



(h/t Yerushalimey)

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People excited about Thanksgivnukah

The mainstream media has finally noticed:

It's a turkey. It's a menorah. It's Thanksgivukkah!

An extremely rare convergence this year of Thanksgiving and the start of Hanukkah has created a frenzy of Talmudic proportions.

There's the number crunching: The last time it happened was 1888, or at least the last time since Thanksgiving was declared a federal holiday by President Lincoln, and the next time may have Jews lighting their candles from spaceships 79,043 years from now, by one calculation.

There's the commerce: A 9-year-old New York boy invented the "Menurkey" and raised more than $48,000 on Kickstarter for his already trademarked, Turkey-shaped menorah. Woodstock-inspired T-shirts have a turkey perched on the neck of a guitar and implore "8 Days of Light, Liberty & Latkes." The creators nabbed the trademark to "Thanksgivukkah."

(I refuse to spell it with two "k"s.)

That article included an image from a funny poster by ModernTribe.com:

So before someone else came up with this similar idea, I decided to do a little Photoshopping myself, although it is more subtle:

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Gulf states to consider "clinical tests" to ban homosexual visa seekers

From Kuwait Times:

Gulf states plan to study a project which will identify homosexuals and transgender individuals through a ‘clinical test’ which will be added to the list of medical tests one has to undergo to obtain a visa. If individuals are revealed to be homosexual or transgender, they will be denied entry into the country, a local daily reported yesterday, quoting a senior official in Kuwait’s Ministry of Health.

“Homosexuals and ‘third-sex’ individuals can be detected through clinical tests during the routine medical examination for visa”, Public Health Department Director Dr Yousuf Mendakar said. ‘Third-sex’ is a common term used in Gulf states to refer to transsexuals or people with gender identity disorder. The senior official added that an individual who is identified as homosexual will have ‘unfit’ stamped on his medical report; a term often used for people who fail medical tests which will automatically disqualify their visa application.

Dr Mendakar’s statements did not specify the test or the people targeted in the new project. It was also unclear whether this excluded cross-dressers or included all homosexuals in general. He also did not explain how medical examiners intend to determine a visitor’s sexual orientation. “Expatriates undergo medical tests at local clinics, but the new procedure includes stricter measures to find out homosexuals and transgenders so that they are banned from entering Kuwait or any GCC state”, he added.

Dr Mendakar could not be reached immediately for further clarification. The new proposal will be discussed during a ‘Central Committee for Expatriate Labor Forces Program in the GCC’ meeting set to take place on November 11 in Oman, said Dr Mendakar. The meeting is expected to focus on regulations’ adjustments and the Kuwaiti official said that his proposal will be included in the list of amendments.

The elusive "G" chromosome!

Meanwhile, in "liberal" Lebanon, a documentary about gays was banned.

Lebanon has banned the screening of a film about homosexuality and another on short-term "pleasure marriages" practiced in some Muslim communities, in a blow to its reputation as a bastion of tolerance in a deeply conservative region.

The films, which had been due to be shown at the Beirut International Film Festival that opened last week, were blocked by a government censorship committee, festival organizers said.

Confirming the bans, an Interior Ministry spokesman cited a Lebanese news report which attributed the decision to "obscene scenes of kissing between gay men, philandering, naked men and sexual intercourse between men" in one film and "sex scenes that offend public opinion and obscene language" in the other.

Wow, it is almost as if you cannot find a tolerant, liberal state in the entire Middle East.

(h/t Ian)

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