Elder Of Ziyon - Israel News: Preoccupied

Showing posts with label Preoccupied. Show all posts

Thursday, May 26, 2022

Tantalus Glad At Least He Not Yair Lapid Chasing Premiership (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

Tantalus Tartarus, May 26 - A Greek demigod sentenced to have the objects of his fondest desires always eluding his grasp took solace today upon realizing that the fate of Israel's current Alternative Prime Minister outstrips his own in intensity: whereas the demigod suffers the constant deprivation of the delicious fruit above and the refreshing water below him always moving away when he reaches for them, the head of the Yesh Atid Party suffers even more, by having the helm of the Jewish State within his reach twice already, only to have the government collapse once and on the verge of doing so again - when the coalition agreement calls for him to assume the office of prime minister late next year.

Tantalus, the forever-tormented son of the god Zeus and the nymph Plouto, conceded Thursday that he does not envy Yair Lapid, who will, it appears, be denied his long-coveted opportunity to become Prime Minister of Israel because the current government of Naftali Bennett hangs by a thread that weakens each day.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes," remarked the mythological figure whose name gave English the word "tantalizing." "That level of seeing something you've been working toward for years and years, only to watch, helplessly, as it slips away from you not once, but twice, perhaps more... Well, as Count Rugen put it in The Princess Bride, when he thinks he's just fatally wounded Inigo Montoya and foiled the lifelong vendetta, 'I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard.'"

Lapid, the son of the late kingmaking centrist politician Yosef Lapid, and a former television personality, launched his political career during the previous decade and in the interim has formed a series of alliances that he parlayed into a succession of power-sharing arrangements, the latest of which has him assuming the premiership in late 2023 - but, like the previous governments that Yesh Atid has helped form, the current one drifts ever-closer to collapse: a razor-thin majority in the 120-seat Knesset degraded even further last month when one lawmaker defected to the opposition; the only reason for the government's survival lies in the fractured nature of that opposition and its inability to unite around an alternative. Continued dissatisfaction among the Coalition members, whose ideologically-diverse composition prevents significant legislation on a range of critical issues facing the country and contributes to mounting frustration that experts predict will topple the government within the next several months - and deprive Lapid of yet another opportunity to rule that he has coveted for so long.

"Yeah, I've got it bad, but Zeus must really, really have it in for old Yair," mused Tantalus. "I wonder what Lapid did to rouse such Olympian ire?"

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Israel Moves From COVID Tests To IQ Tests At Entry; Weeds Out 99% Of Anti-Zionists (PreOccupied Territory)

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Ben-Gurion Airport, May 19 - The Ministry of Health eliminated the requirement this week for all incoming passengers to undergo swabbing for the SARS-CoV-2 pathogen, instead leaving the Ministry of Transportation to administer arrival policy without such considerations. The latter ministry has instead implemented an intelligence assessment test for all foreign visitors, an unintended consequence of which has been the reduction of "pro-Palestinian" activists to near zero among those permitted to stay, ministry sources indicate.

More than two years of COVID-mitigation policies have included on-again, off-again restrictions on air travel to and from Israel, with the most long-lasting policy in that respect involving a test upon landing to check for the presence of the specific coronavirus that causes the illness, with quarantine until negative results emerge. That policy ended as of this past Sunday, in acknowledgement of the diminished public health risk the disease now poses in a world where vaccines and post-infection immunity have rendered the continuation of various mitigation measures not worth the expense or effort. However, the Ministry of Transportation decided to impose a different test that incoming visitors must undergo, to measure each person's Intelligence Quotient, and have barred non-citizens who score noticeably lower than the global average. Ministry officials disclosed that while at first the policy aimed to filter out less-desirable tourists and visitors - lower intelligence correlates with lower economic power, for example - its most apparent unintended benefit has been the prevention of 99% of anti-Israel activists from entering the country and spreading their venom.

"We didn't actually expect this" admitted Minister of Transportation Merav Michaeli. "It was chiefly an economic and cultural move. We intended to leverage it in combination with other measures, and in conjunction with the Ministry of Tourism, the Ministry of Culture and Sport, the Ministry of Economic Development, and several governmental agencies and academic groups, toward attracting intelligent people and facilitating higher concentrations of those intelligent people from all over the world, in part by filtering out unintelligent people. Our own citizens we can't do anything about; heck, that's our voter base. But foreign passport holders are an easier group to handle that way. We just didn't expect it to be this easy to flag and neutralize those who act against our interests."

Tourism officials have voiced a more equivocal reaction, observing that certain sectors of the tourist economy that depend on predatory sales practices toward gullible foreigners will suffer under the new policy.

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Boy Shocked To Learn He Becomes Bar Mitzva Even If Event Not On TikTok (PreOccupied Territory)

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: Peter van der Sluijs via Wikipedia.

Jerusalem, May 5 - A local tweenager whose family and community will mark his transition into Jewish adulthood on the Jewish Sabbath voiced his surprise and dismay that neither the ceremony nor the celebratory buffet to follow will enjoy preservation on video, and his further emotional upheaval at his discovery that despite the lack of uploaded content associated with the transition, his status as an adult Jew will nevertheless have the same validity as any other.

Asaf Ganz, 12, will become a bar mitzva - literally, "subject to commandment" - on the ninth of the Jewish month of Iyar, which this year coincides with Tuesday, May 10. Among other changes, he will then count as one of the ten adult Jewish men who constitute the minimum number for a minyan, or ceremonial quorum that represents the community in spiritual matters. His customary reading from the Torah will take place that Saturday, when Jewish law prohibits the wielding of electronic devices. That prospect frightened the social-media-addicted youth into believing the entire affair might not count, since no one on Tiktok, Instagram, or other networks will get to see it. His devastation gave way to horror when his mother informed him that the validity of his thirteenth birthday, and thus of his passage into maturity, does not depend on its potential for online validation.

"I was stunned," admitted Asaf. "My life is online. All my communication, all my entertainment, all my social interactions - if it's not on my phone, tablet, or, occasionally, a desktop, it doesn't exist. That's just where the world exists. This makes no sense. So of course I was disappointed that I wouldn't be livestreaming anything - I should have realized a long time ago that this would happen, I know, since I never use my devices on Shabbat as it is, but somehow this detail escaped me. I'm still having trouble wrapping my head around the idea that something happens if it hasn't been recorded and uploaded to the cloud."

"Not as much trouble as wrapping the t'fillin, though," he acknowledged, referring to the straps of the phylacteries he must now don every weekday. "But at least I got some likes and snarky comments when I shared the videos and stills of putting them on for the first time a month ago."

His mother Sigal, a journalist, expressed some apprehension today at the thought that the festive dinner, which the family will hold the next day for out-of-town guests and extended family, might suffer the same questionable status because no one will live-tweet it.

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Activist Documenting All Apartheid In Israel Exhausts Research In 12 Minutes, Seeks Suggestions For Stuff To Do Rest Of Month (PreOccupied Teritory)

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floating in Dead Sea Tel Aviv, April 28 - The holder of a fellowship from a human-rights-monitoring NGO came to the Jewish State several days ago to conduct a comprehensive survey of the race-based discrimination and segregation policies that his organization insists the country maintains against the non-Jewish population within its borders, but has discovered that after recording every remotely credible manifestation of the phenomenon that he can identify, he still has twenty-nine days, twenty-three hours, and forty-eight minutes remaining in the thirty-day fact-gathering portion of the project, and has begun soliciting recommendations from locals and friends abroad regarding what sites, activities, or experiences to pursue with all that free time.

Grant Rider, 23, arrived in Israel last week on sponsored mission from Human Rights Watch and instructions from the latter to observe Israeli society, government, politics, law enforcement, and public policy, with a specific focus on each institution, law, or policy that features apartheid. Mr. Rider began his research as soon as his flight landed, attempting to discern whether passport control, customs, or other official functions at Ben-Gurion International Airport discriminated against incoming travelers by race - only to discover that the largely-automated processes involve none. His observational powers then turned to looking for apartheid in baggage claim, COVID testing, and transportation away from the airport, again with nothing to document. By the time Rider's formal research began two days later, following a brief recuperation from jetlag, he had conducted upwards of two dozen conversations with visitors, citizens, and residents of multiple races, none of whom could point him to apartheid.

"I know it's supposed to be rampant," the puzzled researcher acknowledged. "So I figured it should be easy to spot. But nope. I know a lot of activists like to go on about Israeli apartheid, but the only 'discrimination' I've been able to find is between citizens and non-citizens, which is what every country on Earth does. If it's race-based, I'm having a hard time seeing how two million Arabs with full citizenship and voting rights, welfare, healthcare, the whole package - how that represents apartheid. Palestinians are citizens of Palestine, or the Palestinian Authority, whatever you want to call it, so that's not race-based but citizenship-based, as I said. Is this one of those things where we change the long-established definition of a term so we can paint Israel as violating it, like we did with 'seller-colonialism,' 'ethnic cleansing,' and 'genocide'? Maybe I missed the e-mail, but my job here is done, and I have more than four weeks until I have to fly back and write up my findings. I hear the Dead Sea is good."

Rider explained that Human Rights Watch leadership reacted with dismay to the negligible tangible effect that the Amnesty International report labeling Israel and apartheid state earlier this year has had in the real world, other than undermining the credibility of human rights groups themselves. His assignment, therefore, aims to present what HRW hopes will produce an "objective" verdict that supports the Apartheid charge, and as such did not predicate his instructions on tendentious anti-Israel axioms, with results predictable to anyone outside the circle of mutually-parroting activists who populate the human rights industry.

"I'd like to go visit the Temple Mount, maybe," he suggested. "Only Muslims are allowed to pray there, which is the kind of apartheid I guess my bosses are OK with."

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Sorry, I'm Still Working On My Op-Ed Arguing Selling Chametz To Non-Jews Is Exploitative By Peter Beinart (PreOccupied Territory)

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Sorry, I'm Still Working On My Op-Ed Arguing Selling Chametz To Non-Jews Is Exploitative
By Peter Beinart

Credit: New America Foundation via Wikipedia

To: Dean Baquet, Executive Editor, NY times

I must offer my apologies, Dean. I know that a week or two ago we agreed that I would supply an opinion article for the Times exploring the myriad ways in which the Jewish practice of arranging for someone outside the faith to purchase leavened-grain products before Passover - to avoid adherents from violating a Biblical injunction against possessing such products during the festival - places the purchaser - and by extent anyone outside Judaism - in a vulnerable economic or social position, and likely constitutes hate speech or violence or even settler-colonialism. But development of the article has defied my predictions, and I fear it will remain unfinished even after Passover ends this weekend and the valence of the issue fades.

My original pitch, I readily acknowledge, offered what I considered at the time a robust conceptual basis for the assertion. The ensuing days, however, have demonstrated my premature assumption that I could offer an analysis for Times readers that makes a sufficiently-compelling case devoid of blatant use of so-called "tropes" that feature in too many antisemitic instances to allow for intellectual honesty when I put them to what I could defend as good-faith use.

For example, I had to get more creative and more dishonest than my usual rhetorical practice - I know that says quite a bit - in order to tie the sale of chametz practice to the worst possible interpretations of Zionism without overt reference to Jews in general as rapacious, predatory capitalists. Under normal circumstances one can often restrict the use of such epithets to Zionists qua Zionists and still claim no animus toward Jews, but the parameters of the pre-Passover chametz sale to a non-Jew, with its history bearing no discernible connection to Zionism, made that too high a bar to reach.

Second, the reversible nature of the "sale" as specified in the contract - if not completed with full payment, the transaction is undone after Passover - undermines most of the "capitalist" side of things. Try as I might, I have not found a case in which the sale took place under duress, making a coherent link with exploitative landlord practices that much less available.

Also, I have yet to arrive at what I consider a discreet, or at least not-blatant, method to shoehorn the blood-in-the-matza, or its contemporary analog, Israel-kills-Palestinian-children, into the argument. I welcome suggestions from you or other members of the Editorial Board, but as it stands, I suspect I will be unable to provide the article I had pitched. I apologize.

I hope this error does not dissuade you from soliciting or accepting my contributions going forward. I know how enthusiastic you were upon hearing this pitch. But you do have my permission to use this instance as an example of what happens when you trust a Jew.

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Ganz, Meretz Suddenly Realize European Govt's Don't Get To Vote In Israel Elections (PreOccupied Territory)

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Euros Tel Aviv, April 14 - Leaders of the country's most progressive parties came to the sobering conclusion this week that while Continental governments invest tens of millions of Euros to advance regional goals congruent with the sensibilities of those progressive parties - and at odds with the majority of the country's electorate - the same governments and intergovernmental organizations can submit not a single legal ballot in the Jewish State's elections, creating some tension between those governments' declared goal of promoting democracy and the de facto outcome of thwarting the democratically-expressed will of the aforementioned electorate - and generating discomfort for the progressives who also claim the mantle of safeguarding democracy from the authoritarian, fascist demagogues who refuse to accept progressive assumptions.

Benny Ganz, Yair Golan, Merav Michaeli, and other prominent figures on the left side of Israel's political spectrum voiced their dismay over the last several days upon either being informed or discovering on their own that the projects, programs, initiatives, and movements that their friends in the European Union and its various constituent governments fund in amounts that would make Sheldon Adelson blush even in death, grant the EU and its members no right to vote in Israel, despite their manifest correctness as demonstrated by agreeing with Israeli leftists.

"It's shocking," acknowledged Ganz of the Blue and White Party, a former IDF Chief of Staff whose left-wing views made him noticeably less popular as a politician than when wearing the uniform forced him to keep political opinions to himself. "All the money these Europeans have must mean they have the correct opinions and policies - otherwise, my assumption that I'm right by virtue of my generous guaranteed pension might also require reexamination, as as every Israeli leftist knows, reexamining your political assumptions - if done honestly, anyway - is a dangerous thing. So we avoid that. The point is, the Europeans are right about so much, and I say this only partially because I want to get my hands on some of that largesse, but it's frustrating because all that money doesn't buy seats in the Knesset, would you believe? It seems wrong."

"What? No, you must have that wrong," said a bewildered Yair Golan of Meretz, also a former senior IDF staff officer. "That's not my understanding at all. I was under the impression that we career officers-cum-politicians naturally know better than hoi polloi, who probably don't even know the difference between Mercedes and BMW. I know, I feel the same disgust as you, I assure you."

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Last Haredi Without Smartphone Actually Just Non-Haredi Living On Budget (PreOccupied Territory)

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Nokia Jerusalem, April 6 - Israel's market for the previous generation of cellular devices now mainly features clientele who for religious and community-standards reasons use the older models, but figures aggregated from the various mobile communications companies indicate that the only such customer who does not also own a more advanced device for videos, web-surfing, and general greater convenience, appears to be not a member of one of those more-insular groups, but a non-"yeshivish," non-Hasidic man who has retained his 2007 Nokia because of the savings it offers.

Demographic and other statistical data from Cellcom, Pelephone, Partner, and other cellular service providers in Israel point to robust sales for the use and maintenance of non-smart devices in the Haredi sector, given the taboo against internet-enabled devices among that community - but that smartphones enjoy similarly robust sales, indicating the realization that modern life without a smart device has become untenable for the vast majority. Experts understand the numbers to mean that many Haredim will not publicly acknowledge violation of the taboo, and will continue to use smartphones only furtively, as they take their "dumb" phones out in public - and also that the last remaining user of a the latter type of device who does not also use a smartphone has no membership in the Haredi community, sticking to his older phone because he spends all day in front of a computer screen anyway and doesn't need the additional hassle or expense of upgrading his mobile.

"Actually, I know the guy," acknowledged one analyst. "Lives in my neighborhood. His older kids got smartphones years ago, so it's not an ideological decision - he works mainly through the internet, also, so that's not it. But it's significantly cheaper not to have a smartphone service subscription, and that household is cost-conscious - at least the parents are, that is. I'm sure he'll bite the bullet eventually - international standards are set to shift over the next few years and that'll render his Nokia useless. And some activities, such as many common methods of online or virtual payment, are impossible or next-to-impossible without a smartphone. In the meantime, though, nothing doing."

Another expert observed that the same family also owns no television, but not because of philosophical objection to mass media content. "They stream movies on their computers," she noted. "It's not like some friends of his who grew up Haredi and had a 'microwave oven' in multiple rooms at home."

A call to the customer in question prompted an irritated reaction. "Is another stupid survey?" he demanded. "I hate phone surveys. Take me off your list."

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My Supreme Leader, We Can Attack The US And Biden Will Still Cave To All Our Demands (PreOccupied Territory)

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My Supreme Leader, We Can Attack The US And Biden Will Still Cave To All Our Demands

by Ali Mossadegh, advisor to Ayatollah Ali Khamenei

Alemi Tehran, March 31- Your Holiness, I must express my admiration for your wisdom and insight regarding the Great Satan and the naivety of their political leadership. Not only did you tell us not to compromise, but to harden our demands and even extend them; you predicted that we could actively hurt American interests and Washington will still grovel to reach some sort of agreement over our nuclear program, regardless of how triumphant it makes us and how humiliated it makes them. It now appears we could conduct actual, direct terrorist operations on their soil and they will continue to grant us everything we ask for and more! A remarkable diplomatic achievement.

I suggest we do so, but defer to your greater experience and wisdom as to the timing, location - or locations - and extent of the operations. It is one thing to keep pushing Biden and the craven Democrats further and further back from their original negotiating position; it would be another entirely to risk alienating enough of the US voting public that the leadership, no matter how accommodating they wish to be to us, must take into account the animosity our actions may produce. We certainly need not take heed of domestic dissent from official policy - the perks of knowing we are right and Godly, and those who disagree are Satanic and worthy only of repression and abuse - but sadly, the Western countries adhere to benighted notions of "consent of the governed" and "accountability to the citizens." As such, we must not overreach.

I might suggest a series of coordinated attacks on strategic or important institutions with powerful symbolism, but not so powerful as to force Biden's hand against us. That means the Statue of Liberty is out, as are any number of prominent buildings in the Washington, DC area. Striking a blow against American tyranny, tempting and righteous as it may be, requires judicious restraint. Our friend Osama learned that the hard way.

Perhaps a chemical attack against a large city is in order. Not a city with the political and cultural valence of New York or Washington, however. We cannot risk the backlash. No, I suggest a city with significant population and some national renown, which probably indicates at least two major sports teams. Places such as Cleveland, for example: locales with no shortage of infidels we can murder and make suffer, but with no lasting contribution to America's sense of itself. San Diego. Seattle. Las Vegas.

I await your decision, Your Holiness.

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Advocate Of Sanctions On Apartheid, Terrorist-Run, Anti-Palestinian Mideast State Realizes He Means Lebanon (PreOccupied Territory)

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black man New York, March 24 - An activist campaigning for economic, cultural, diplomatic, and other measures against a Levantine country for its structurally-discriminatory policies against a significant minority within its borders, a minority that has suffered displacement for decades, on top of which the country's government lies under effective control of a violent ideological group at the root of so much regional unrest and suffering, had an epiphany today during which he understood he must target Beirut and those who underwrite its dysfunction if he wishes to address the primary injustice he sees in the world.

Chico Howell, 25, of Midwood, Brooklyn, shared his realization Thursday with fellow activists, to some confusion and much anger. "They don't want to hear it," he discovered. "Like, our function as social justice advocates is to fight for the oppressed, and Palestinians in Lebanon face far more oppression from Hezbollah-run Lebanon than even their fellow 'refugees' under Israeli control - of which there are none under direct Israeli control, would you believe? I mean, I know lots of my colleagues like to define 'occupation' and 'control' flexibly, so that Zionists can be blamed whichever way you slice it, but have you seen the restrictions on employment and education that Lebanon places on Palestinian refugees, and has the temerity to call them 'guests' in the country?"

"Don't get me wrong, I'm as anti-Zionist as the next random Black guy from Brooklyn," he insisted. "I'm of two minds about harassing Jews here over what goes on over there. I get it, not the same people, but really, everyone knows they're the same. Whatever. Violence isn't my thing, at least not directly. But if I want to support my fellow People of Color, my Palestinian brothers and sisters, and fight for their right to live free lives, I can't only fight for the ones in Israeli-controlled territory. I also just discovered that the Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza even have their own elected government! Nobody tells us that! Now, I know they haven't actually held any elections in more than fifteen years, and I'm ok blaming Israel for that, I really am - but since when is a group with their own elected government under 'occupation'? Now get this - the 'refugee' camps in the West Bank and Gaza Strip, the folks who live there, are not allowed to become Palestinian citizens under Palestinian law that the Palestinian government issued, because otherwise they might decide to just live wherever instead of specifically 'returning' to their ancestors' long-gone homes in Israel itself - the same as when Palestinian President Abbas refused to allow Palestinian refugees in Syria to escape the civil war there by letting them into his territory, lest he lose valuable anti-Israel leverage by reducing Palestinian suffering even a little."

"Now take that and apply it to Lebanon, where they don't even have representation in the government," he continued. "I think we have to rethink our approach, because if we're really about helping Palestinians, we have to- hey, where is everybody going? What is WRONG with you people?"

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Corbyn, Allies Slam IDF For Blocking Shipment Of Flowers To Terrorist Graves (PreOccupied Territory)

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Nablus terrorists London, March 20 - Prominent figures in Britain's Labour Party expressed outrage today upon learning that several bouquets they had dispatched to the Palestinian Territories in tribute to three gunmen who met their ends in confrontation with the IDF instead wound up stuck at an Israeli military checkpoint, never to reach the burial sites of the martyrs.

Jeremy Corbyn, Diane Abbot, George Galloway, Ken Livingstone, Owen Jones, and half a dozen other party stalwarts told reporters Sunday they are fuming over the interdiction of the flowers, which the group had intended to honor Ashraf al-Mublasat, Adham al-Mabrouk, and Muhammad al-Dakhil, members of the Fatah-affiliated Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades who died in confrontation with Israeli soldiers on February 8, and who had perpetrated shooting attacks on Israelis. Israeli forces set up an impromptu security checkpoint yesterday on a highway leading to Nablus, acting on intelligence information, according to the IDF Spokesperson's Office. The troops manning the checkpoint instructed the driver delivering the flowers to stop and submit his vehicle to inspection. The inspection found three illegal firearms, several hand grenades, and materials for the manufacture of explosives, in addition to the large bouquets from the Labour contingent. The driver was arrested.

"We are incensed at this violation," stated Corbyn. "A noble and generous acknowledgement of Palestinian pain under such trying circumstances was the entirety of our intent, and Israel's thwarting of the delivery can only be seen as cruelty for the sake of cruelty."

"We once again call upon the international community to force an end to this ongoing injustice," demanded Jones. "How many times must we witness the heartlessness of occupation? While this atrocity was taking place in the West Bank, the sadistic blockade of the Gaza Strip continues to deprive its residents of the means to properly celebrate the deaths of Israelis and of Jews worldwide, and deprives them of the means to resist the existence of Jewish sovereignty where Jewish dhimmitude and contingent existence once prevailed. Britain needs strong leadership that will right those wrongs, and not, as we have now, leaders indifferent to Palestinian suffering."

Abbot and Corbyn vowed a personal trip to Nablus to deliver even bigger replacement bouquets. "Our main concern involves not supporting the occupation," cautioned Livingstone. "Any such trip will require traversing Israeli airspace or passing through Israeli border controls, and we cannot legitimize such institutions. So the trip might not happen, unless some of us really, really want to check out the gay scene in Tel Aviv."

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Calling Facts We Don't Like 'Hasbara' Isn't Working, says Pro-Palestinian Activist (Pre)ccupied Territory)

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Calling Facts We Don't Like 'Hasbara' Isn't Working

by Abier Khatib, keyboard warrior and pro-Palestinian activist

abier khatib New York, March 10 - Folks, we have a problem: all that online engagement on Twitter and Instagram, promoting our narrative and debating against Zios has yet to produce the desired effect. We haven't moved the needle in any noticeable way regarding American public opinion on Palestine. People aren't buying our side of the story, even when we dismiss points we dislike as mere propaganda.

I love to dogpile Zionists as much as the next activist. Don't get me wrong. "Cathartic" doesn't begin to describe the thrill of harassing those devils into blocking or muting us - all the more when we can glory in a Palestinian operation that kills Jews. Unfortunately, that doesn't change the basic calculus: when we call the "facts" that Zios cite, and we call those points "hasbara" instead of addressing the points themselves, we appear to lose credibility.

I don't like it any more than you do! It's just a - there's no better word for it - a fact. I know we like to avoid "facts" that contradict our narrative of virtuous victimhood - when we're not doing the opposite by calling the violent targeting of Israeli children virtuous - but we might have to change our approach if we really want to make inroads in public opinion. It turns out that winning debates when lots of people who don't already support you are watching and listening requires facility with information, logic, and coherent argument, and not just the slurs we practice when we get together for activist events.

Those nefarious Zios have even marshaled these things called "logic" and "facts" that can undermine our case! I can't tell whether they actually believe Palestinians left en masse without being expelled by ethnic cleansing Jews, or whether it's just a hole they've found in the historical record that they can exploit; the thing is, the effect is the same either way. We have to actually prove our assertions if we want to emerge victorious in debate, and we've been sorely lacking that regard because we rely on cries of "Nazi!" "Hasbara!" and "Genocide!" We don't know how to respond without more of the same when a Zio presents actual Palestinian statistics showing the opposite of ethnic cleansing or genocide, or when the photos we've been posting of Zionist atrocities get shown to be from Syria, or worse yet, from the so-called Holocaust. And I don't need to tell you what kind of losing argument it is, to our chagrin, when you try to deny the Holocaust to a bunch of Americans.

So we have our work cut out for us. Does anyone have any real facts that we can use?

Anyone?

Anyone at all?

Hello?

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Amnesty Apartheid Investigators To Take Vacay Until Next Israel Report Needed (PreOccupied Territory)

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London, March 4 - Researchers from a prominent international human rights organization informed journalists today that now that their work determining the existence of a race-based system of discrimination in the Jewish State has concluded for the time being, the group will go on hiatus from examining countries for instances of the phenomenon, that is unless anyone else needs them to take a look at what Jews are doing again.

Amnesty International's Apartheid Investigation Department told reporters that they will take it easy for the foreseeable future, given that no one of consequence has expressed interest in finding Apartheid anywhere but Israel. Lead investigator Ann Tissemitt told reporters Monday that she and her team plan to spend the next several years gallivanting various places, because their services appear unneeded for at least that long.

"I've always wanted to visit Myanmar," she confessed. "Doing so in an official Amnesty capacity would be problematic, given the whole implication of our investigating Apartheid, and I need not tell you that Myanmar has been a candidate for that designation for years now, specifically with regard to the Rohingya Muslim minority. But as a private individual, all bets are off. I can't wait. Following that. I might go to Turkish-occupied north Cyprus, which I hear is lovely all year round, and affordable, too. Also blessedly free of international political controversy despite the occupation, because no Jews. "

"China is the place for me, at first," added her deputy, Khaybar Khaybar. "I want to visit Xinjiang, Tibet and Hong Kong, places that have been in the news but I haven't had a chance to see firsthand. I hear good things, I mean at least in terms of the tourist perspective. Beautiful vistas, for example. Not gonna get into awkward issues if I'm just a tourist and I don't ask the wrong questions." Khaybar also noted that he has long wanted to spend time in Lebanon to connect with distant relatives in Palestinian refugee camps, but the security and economic situation there makes that proposition dicey, and that his hopes for an economical stay with those relatives have been dashed now that the Hezbollah-dominated government has reneged on a proposal to expand what professions and education Palestinian "guests" may pursue, putting a damper on his relatives' capacity to host him.

"But there's plenty of time for things to get better," he offered. "Especially since they don't face outside pressure to change things at the wrong pace and just destabilize everything. Such pressure can be so destructive, no matter how well-meaning."

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Religious Group That Survived Self-Sufficient For Centuries Warns Of Collapse Without Generous Gov't Subsidies (PreOccupied Territory)

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Moshe Gafni Jerusalem, February 24 - Legislators representing the Haredi sector of the Israeli Jewish community railed today against impending proposals in the Knesset to curtail financial assistance to large families, to limit exemptions from the military draft, and to cut back on welfare payments to able-bodied adults, arguing that such moves will undercut the Torah-study-centered lifestyle of the Haredi world, which somehow thrived for hundreds of years before the advent of welfare, child subsidies, and publicly-funded avoidance of working for a living.

MKs from the United Torah Judaism alliance's Degel HaTorah and Agudat Yisrael factions held a press conference Thursday to criticize several pieces of impending legislation that several Coalition lawmakers intend to introduce in the coming weeks, laws that would expand military service to all but several hundred yeshiva students, instead of the tens of thousands who currently study instead of train or fight; that would slash spending on monthly stipends to parents with more than four children; and that would deny financial support to those capable of gainful employment but who choose instead to devote themselves to full-time Torah study. The MKs predicted disaster for the Torah-observant world if such policies become law, as they would restore the status quo ante of early statehood and before, when, for more than two thousand years, Torah scholars and students labored to support their families in addition to mastering Jewish lore, a clearly unsustainable model.

"It's impossible to maintain a Torah-true society if everyone is forced to find a job," lamented MK Moshe Gafni. "We cannot focus on the words of ancient great men such as Rabbi Yitzhak the Blacksmith, Rabbi Yohanan the Shoemaker, or Rabbi Elazar the Pitch-Maker, if we must devote our days to earning a living. The People of the Book must study the Book and not become mired in earthly pursuits such as making good on the commitment in every Jewish marriage contract that the husband will support his wife financially."

An agreement between then-Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion and Haredi groups during the State of Israel's infancy allowed draft exemptions for full-time Torah scholars, who, by the criteria in place at the time, numbered in the hundreds. High birthrates and generous government welfare programs have facilitated exponential growth of the Haredi sector in the ensuing decades, creating a drain on the state's resources as the rosters of eligible yeshiva programs have swelled more than a hundredfold. Haredi leaders continue to sound the alarm over attempts to limit the phenomenon, citing the thousands of years of Jewish life in which only the most select few advanced and gifted enjoyed communal financial support.

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Arab Israeli Voting, Enjoying Freedoms Unaware He's Victim Of Apartheid (PreOccupied Territory)

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Arab Israeli Voting, Enjoying Freedoms Unaware He's Victim Of Apartheid

Fureidis, February 17 - A prominent resident of this predominantly-Arab town in northern Israel runs his business, engages in local and national politics, maintains active civic involvement, and benefits from liberties and security unavailable to the vast majority of his ethnic peers in the region and beyond, a situation that has concealed from him, his family, and his community that in fact they suffer under the repressive boot of a tyrannical Jewish-supremacist segregationist racist colonialist fascist regime hell-bent on ethnically cleansing him and his ilk from the land.

Jamil Zoabi, 50, operates a construction-supply enterprise that he and his brothers established two decades ago, but that he now owns outright after having bought out his brothers' shares in 2010. The father of six and soon-to-be grandfather enjoys a comfortable lifestyle and participates in civic life as his time permits, focusing mostly on local municipal issues such as infrastructure, and advising a committee that works with the Ministry of Education to help maintain and enhance academic achievement in the coastal town of 13,000. The freedoms of assembly, the press, expression, and religion that Mr. Zoabi exercises - he attends mosque services regularly and has completed the Hajj, and has had letters critical of government policy published in mainstream Hebrew newspapers - only mask, however, the inescapable reality that Israel perpetrates Apartheid against him, depriving him and his family of the very freedoms and rights he so blithely enjoys.

"It's been a decent year, even accounting for COVID," Zoabi disclosed to a reporter who asked after his welfare. "Sales didn't shrink as anticipated, and I've been able to give my employees a raise. Our local council got a nice allocation from the government to fix up schools and a bunch of dangerous intersections, plus the planning of an overpass that will ease our town's access to the main highways. [Daughter] Noora just won a math competition at school, and she's going to compete nationally - maybe even represent Israel internationally." The man gushed with the enthusiasm of someone manifestly unaware that he has been expelled, despoiled, genocided and ethnically cleansed, according to numerous international NGO reports.

Zoabi acknowledged the ethnic tensions that make Arab-Jewish relations fraught. "You can't erase history," he explained. "Some Jews deny Arab suffering, and many Arabs refuse to acknowledge Jewish rights. But in the end we have to share this small parcel of land. There's no other way. It's not supposed to be easy. Nor can we expect to build paradise in a day," he chuckled, in apparent reference to the town name etymology.

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