Syrian news is hilarious

I have heard stories about how Pravda used to be when the Soviet Union was around, but never got to see it first hand. However, thanks to the Syrian SANA news agency, we can all get a flavor of what Pravda was like in the old days.

Here's the news:

An official military source on Tuesday said the armed terrorists groups in the provinces of Hama and Deir Ezzor continue terrorizing citizens through spreading false rumors with the aim of distorting the image of the Syrian Arab Army and soiling its reputation in order to sow sedition among the Army and the citizens.

The source called upon the citizens of the two provinces not to listen to the rumors circulated by the terrorist groups.

The rumor they are referring to is almost certainly reports that soldiers have defected to the rebels.

The Syrian TV on Monday evening broadcast videos of masked armed terrorist groups walking the streets of Hama City, setting up roadblocks dominating the City's main squares and targeting the army, the law-enforcement members and the citizens with guns, firearms, cold steel weapons and pump-action rifles.

These armed groups are well-equipped with advanced weapons, machineguns, pump-action shotguns and RBGs.

Here's their proof of how well-armed the "armed groups" are:

An obligatory quote from an outside expert:

Former Lebanese President Emile Lahoud on Tuesday underlined that Syria is facing a conspiracy that targets its national and pan-Arab stances to serve the Zionist and U.S. interests.

In a statement issued by Lahoud press office, the Lebanese President said "no sane person can be confused with what is going on in Syria …it is obvious that Syria is facing from attacks launched by armed groups."

He added that what is going on in Syria is part of the U.S. and Israeli plots which attempt to undermine Syria's role and its resistant stances against the Israeli expansionist, racial and colonist schemes.

The Palestinian Arabs in Syria are feeling the heat:

The Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP) on Tuesday denied completely what some biased mass media sources – including al-Jazeera and some Syrian opposition figures – claimed about participating in confronting protests in some Syrian cities.

In a press statement, an official source at the PFLP said that these allegations are part of a campaign of instigation that aims at distorting the nature of the relation between Syria and its allies in the resistance, noting that those who made these allegations made similar claims regarding other sides.

The source said that these accusations constitute political and media deception to twist reality and distract from the nature of the foreign conspiracy that targets Syria and its unity and national and pan-Arab role.

This is one of those stories about Syrian Palestinians that are making Syria nervous.

The regime is also trying to gain some eleventh hour support from Islamists:

Syrian religious TV channel Nour e-Cham started experimental broadcast on Saturday evening on Nilesat: frequency /10911/ and on Arabsat: frequency /12054/.

The Channel is to broadcast Friday sermons and various religious programs in a way to provide a right understanding of Islam and the Islamic rules.

And where is Bashir Assad?

President Bashar al-Assad on Monday visited a number of wounded army and armed forces personnel at Tishreen Military Hospital who were injured in the line of duty.

President al-Assad checked in on the personnel, listened to their stories about how they were inured, and inquired supervising doctors about the injured men's health conditions, wishing them a speedy recovery.

Wasim Mohammad Jabal said President al-Assad's visit was a balsam for their injuries, saying "we are determined to return to our army units and defend our lands and people."

Abdul-Kafi Hamada, who was hit by a bullet in the neck that led to a quadriplegia, had no ability to shake hands, apologizing through a smile, but he said that President's al-Assad's visit has raised his morale, particularly after President al-Assad had assured him that he will recover and return to his normal life.

He's a miracle worker!