Work accident!

Hamas has announced the death of Ahmed al-Mamlouk on Thursday.

The 23-year old resident of Gaza City was killed while performing a "jihad mission".

Hamas says that he died after a great and honorable jihadist career, filled with hard work and sacrifice and jihad.

Details of his death are unfortunately sketchy. Did he blow himself up? Did he accidentally shoot himself? Did a weapons tunnel collapse on him? Was he secretly accused of spying for Israel?

Whatever it was, Hamas declared him a martyr. That official declaration is what allows Mamlouk to gain his seventy virgins, so it is critically important that the declaration is made. Otherwise Mamlouk's sex life in Paradise would be really disappointing.

May he be joined by thousands more such martyrs who spectacularly fail at killing anyone besides themselves.