Wednesday, February 01, 2017

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

Check out their Facebook page.

Whenever I Need A Laugh, I Think Of All Those People Assuming Palestine Will Be A Liberal Democracy

By Mahmoud Abbas

AbbasNobody ever promised me the position of President of the Palestinian National Authority would be easy. I never expected it to be. Combine it with - or consider it a subsidiary role of - my position as Chairman of the Fatah faction and Palestine Liberation Organization, and you get one long work day after another. Tensions run high. Usually I thrive on that - it gives me a sense of vitality - but occasionally I need to dissipate that tension, and there's no better way to do that than to laugh. When I need a good laugh, I think of all those fools who see the nascent State of Palestine as a liberal democracy.

It never fails to crack me up. Other people's idiocy can be an amazing thing to behold, and a hilarious one. In the almost twenty-four years since the Authority was created, there has been a steady erosion - one might describe it as an active weakening - of any semblance of democratic values, leaving precious little around which one might build a democratic state. We've had the occasional elections - I was voted into this four-year term twelve years ago, and the Palestinian parliamentarians a year later - but other than that, I chuckle every time I consider what our supporters in the West believe will happen once we gain full state status. Somehow our violent political culture, our endemic corruption, our all-important tribal loyalties, and our irrational genocidal hatred of Jews will dissipate in favor of transparency, robust institutions, and rule of law. Excuse me for a moment, I'm about to lose my composure...

Well. As you can see, that stuff is hella funny. It just doesn't get old. I could spend hours rewatching clips of my advisers pontificating on democratic values being trampled by Israel, and how all the dysfunction of our society going back a thousand years is all Israel's fault - and these people eat it up! they can't get enough! We started playing a game back in the 1980's who could get the Western press to take the most outrageous thing at face value, and we've yet to hit rock bottom. Most of us thought we'd grow tired of it, or discover the limits those imbeciles' credulousness, within a couple of months, but we've yet to encounter either phenomenon. New vistas of ridiculousness open up daily.

Don't ever stop, Western liberals. Please. We desperately need you for comic relief.

We have lots of ideas, but we need more resources to be even more effective. Please donate today to help get the message out and to help defend Israel.

EoZTV Podcast

Podcast URL

Subscribe in podnovaSubscribe with FeedlyAdd to netvibes
addtomyyahoo4Subscribe with SubToMe

search eoz



follow me

Follow by Email


Share on Whatsapp


For $18 donation

Sample Text

EoZ's Most Popular Posts Ever


Elder of Ziyon - حـكـيـم صـهـيـون

This blog may be a labor of love for me, but it takes a lot of effort, time and money. For over 12 years and over 25,000 articles I have been providing accurate, original news that would have remained unnoticed. I've written hundreds of scoops and sometimes my reporting ends up making a real difference. I appreciate any donations you can give to keep this blog going.


Donate to fight for Israel!

Monthly subscription:
Payment options

One time donation:

subscribe via email

Follow EoZ on Twitter!



The Jerusalem Report:"A seemingly indefatigable one-man operation, armed only with a computer, chutzpa and stamina."

Algemeiner: "Fiercely intelligent and erudite"

Omri: "Elder is one of the best established and most respected members of the jblogosphere..."
Atheist Jew:"Elder of Ziyon probably had the greatest impression on me..."
Soccer Dad: "He undertakes the important task of making sure that his readers learn from history."
AbbaGav: "A truly exceptional blog..."
Judeopundit: "[A] venerable blog-pioneer and beloved patriarchal figure...his blog is indispensable."
Oleh Musings: "The most comprehensive Zionist blog I have seen."
Carl in Jerusalem: "...probably the most under-recognized blog in the JBlogsphere as far as I am concerned."
Aussie Dave: "King of the auto-translation."
The Israel Situation:The Elder manages to write so many great, investigative posts that I am often looking to him for important news on the PalArab (his term for Palestinian Arab) side of things."
Tikun Olam: "Either you are carelessly ignorant or a willful liar and distorter of the truth. Either way, it makes you one mean SOB."
Mondoweiss commenter: "For virulent pro-Zionism (and plain straightforward lies of course) there is nothing much to beat it."
Didi Remez: "Leading wingnut"

Interesting Blogs


Abbas liar Academic fraud administrivia al-Qaeda algeria American Jews Amnesty analysis anti-semitism apartheid arab refugees Arafat archaeology art ASHREI B'tselem bahrain bbc BDS BDSFail Bedouin Beitunia beoz book review breaking the silence Cardozo Chanukah Christians conspiracy theories Cyprus Daled Amos Daphne Anson Davis report DCI-P Divest This double standards Egypt Elder gets results ElderToons Electronic Intifada eoz-symposium EoZNews eoztv Erekat EU Euro-Mid Observer Fake Civilians 2014 Fatah featured Features fisking flotilla Forest Rain Forward free gaza freedom of press palestinian style future martyr Gary Spedding gaza Gaza Platform George Galloway George Soros gideon levy gilad shalit gisha Goldstone Report Good news Grapel Guardian gunness Haaretz hamas Hamas war crimes hasbara Hasby 2014 Hasby 2016 Hebron helen thomas hezbollah history Hizballah Holocaust denial honor killing HRW Human Rights Humanitarian crisis humor Hypocrisy ICRC Ilan Pappe impossible peace incitement Indonesia international law intransigence iran Iraq Islamic Judeophobia Islamism Israel Loves America Israeli culture Israeli high-tech J Street jabalya jeremy bowen Jerusalem jewish fiction Jewish Voice for Peace jihad jimmy carter John Kerry jokes jonathan cook Jordan Juan Cole Judaism Judea-Samaria Judean Rose Kairos Karl Vick ken roth khalid amayreh Khaybar Lebanon leftists Linkdump lumish mahmoud zahar Malaysia max blumenthal McGraw-Hill media bias Methodist Miftah Mohammed Assaf Mondoweiss moonbats Morocco music Muslim Brotherhood Nakba Natural gas Nazi News nftp NGO NIF norpac NYT Occupation offbeat Omar Barghouti Opinion oxfam PA corruption PalArab lies Palestine Papers pallywood pchr PCUSA Peace Now Peter Beinart Petra MB poll Poster Preoccupied Prisoners propaganda Proud to be Zionist purimshpiel Qaradawi Qassam calendar Rafah Ray Hanania real liberals reference Richard Falk rogel alpher roger cohen roger waters Saudi Arabia saudi vice self-death self-death palestinians sex crimes SFSU shechita sheikh tamimi Shujaiyeh Simona Sharoni SodaStream South Africa Speech stamps Syria Tarabin Temple Mount Terrorism This is Zionism Thomas Friedman Tunisia Turkey UCI UK UN UNDP unesco unhrc UNICEF United Arab Emirates Unity unrwa UNRWA hate unrwa reports UNRWA-USA Varda Vic Rosenthal Washington wikileaks work accident X-washing Yemen YMikarov zahran Ziesel zionist attack zoo Zvi

Blog Archive