Wednesday, May 20, 2015

  • Wednesday, May 20, 2015
  • Elder of Ziyon
Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory

Check out their Facebook page.



Ramallah, May 20 - Palestinian officials accused Israel today of using antibiotics to kill locally occurring bacteria whose genetic sequence proves that Palestinians are directly descended from the most ancient forms of life in the contested land.

Negotiator Saeb Erekat leveled the charges at a press conference Tuesday afternoon, taking up a theme he has revisited a number of times. Last year Erekat claimed Palestinians were descended from the Canaanites, apparently in an effort to forge a link to pre-Israelite civilizations, thereby establishing a claim that historically precedes the Jewish one, and he has previously invoked the Natufians, an even more ancient group that preceded even the Canaanites. The statement linking Palestinians to the first living organisms is likely a similar effort to outflank potential efforts to question the pedigree of the Palestinian claim.

"Israel is using Teva-manufactured pharmaceuticals to destroy the organisms carrying the DNA which proves Palestinian ancestry to the exclusion of the spurious Jewish claim," asserted Erekat, whose colleagues in the Jerusalem Waqf are overseeing excavation and renovation of the Temple Mount specifically to remove archaeological evidence of the Jewish temples that stood there. "We Palestinians are the proud descendant of the first microorganisms to ooze from the primordial reaches of prehistory in this land. No one has the right to dispute this."

For decades, Israelis have been using antibacterial agents to destroy such microorganisms, often millions at a time. "The massacre of our genetic cousins continues apace, and the cruelty of the Zionist oppressor usurpers knows no bounds. Even as we speak, countless bacterial brethren of the Palestinian people - brethren whose incontrovertible link to us is encoded in prokaryotic DNA - are slaughtered at the cruel hands of Israeli disinfectants, medications, antiseptics, detergents, gastric acids, and leukocytes," he said. "These killings take place with the nonchalance we have come to expect from the arrogant Zionists - on toilet seats, on human skin, in the bloodstream - everywhere. No location is sacred enough, or off limits, for the Zionists to exercise their micro-ethnic cleansing."

"Having failed to successfully prosecute genocide against us, the Zionists seek to eliminate the evidence that we were, in fact, here first," continued Erekat, whose Bedouin ancestors are documented as migrating to the land in the nineteenth century.

Other Palestinian officials echoed the charges, and promised to take action on the international stage. "We have already applied to UNESCO to have these local bacteria declared a World Heritage Organism," said Nabil Abu Rudeineh. "The impunity with which Israel acts in this regard must be stopped."

In contrast, leaders of the Hamas movement blasted Erekat. "The heresy inherent in his remarks is intolerable," said Darween Wasaful, a spokesman for the organization. "Everyone knows humanity was specially created by Allah from clay, and that the sun orbits the Earth."

EoZTV Podcast

Podcast URL

Subscribe in podnovaSubscribe with FeedlyAdd to netvibes
addtomyyahoo4Subscribe with SubToMe

Support EoZ by shopping!

search eoz

comments

Speaking

follow me

Follow by Email

translate

Share on Whatsapp


E-Book

For $18 donation








Sample Text

EoZ's Most Popular Posts in recent years

Hasbys!

Elder of Ziyon - حـكـيـم صـهـيـون



This blog may be a labor of love for me, but it takes a lot of effort, time and money. For over 14 years and 30,000 articles I have been providing accurate, original news that would have remained unnoticed. I've written hundreds of scoops and sometimes my reporting ends up making a real difference. I appreciate any donations you can give to keep this blog going.

Donate!

Donate to fight for Israel!

Monthly subscription:
Payment options


One time donation:

subscribe via email

Follow EoZ on Twitter!

Tweets

Interesting Blogs

Categories

Abbas liar Academic fraud administrivia al-Qaeda algeria Alice Walker American Jews Amnesty analysis anti-semitism antisemitism apartheid Arab antisemitism arab refugees Arafat archaeology Ari Fuld art ASHREI B'tselem bahrain Balfour bbc BDS BDSFail Bedouin Beitunia beoz Birthright book review Brant Rosen breaking the silence Campus antisemitism Cardozo cartoon of the day Chakindas Chanukah Christians circumcision Clark Kent coexistence Community Standards conspiracy theories Cyprus Daled Amos Daphne Anson David Applebaum Davis report DCI-P Divest This double standards Egypt Elder gets results ElderToons Electronic Intifada Embassy EoZ Trump symposium eoz-symposium EoZNews eoztv Erekat Erekat lung transplant EU Euro-Mid Observer European antisemitism Facebook jail Fake Civilians 2014 Fake Civilians 2019 Farrakhan Fatah featured Features fisking flotilla Forest Rain Forward free gaza freedom of press palestinian style future martyr Gary Spedding gaza Gaza Platform George Galloway George Soros German Jewry gideon levy gilad shalit gisha Goldstone Report Good news Grapel Guardian guest post gunness Haaretz Hadassah hamas Hamas war crimes Hananya Naftali hasbara Hasby 2014 Hasby 2016 Hasby 2018 hate speech Hebron helen thomas hezbollah history Hizballah Holocaust Holocaust denial honor killing HRW Human Rights Humanitarian crisis humor huor Hypocrisy ICRC IDF IfNotNow Ilan Pappe Ilhan Omar impossible peace incitement indigenous Indonesia international law intransigence iran Iraq Islamic Judeophobia Islamism Israel Loves America Israeli culture Israeli high-tech J Street jabalya jeremy bowen Jerusalem jewish fiction Jewish Voice for Peace jihad jimmy carter John Kerry jokes jonathan cook Jordan Joseph Massad Juan Cole Judaism Judea-Samaria Judean Rose Kairos Karl Vick Keith Ellison ken roth khalid amayreh Khaybar Know How to Answer Lebanon leftists Linda Sarsour Linkdump lumish mahmoud zahar Malaysia max blumenthal Mazen Adi McGraw-Hill media bias Methodist Michael Ross Miftah Missionaries moderate Islam Mohammed Assaf Mondoweiss moonbats Morocco Mudar Zahran music Muslim Brotherhood Naftali Bennett Nakba Nan Greer Nation of Islam Natural gas Nazi Netanyahu News nftp NGO NIF Noah Phillips norpac NYT Occupation offbeat Omar Barghouti Only in Israel Opinion oxfam PA corruption PalArab lies Palestine Papers pallywood pchr PCUSA Peace Now Peter Beinart Petra MB poetry Poland poll Poster Preoccupied Prisoners propaganda Proud to be Zionist Puar Purim purimshpiel Putin Qaradawi Qassam calendar Quora Rafah Ray Hanania real liberals reference Reuters Richard Falk Richard Silverstein Right of return Rivkah Lambert Adler Robert Werdine rogel alpher roger cohen roger waters Rutgers Saeb Erekat Sarah Schulman Saudi Arabia saudi vice self-death self-death palestinians settlements sex crimes SFSU shechita sheikh tamimi Shelly Yachimovich Shujaiyeh Simchat Torah Simona Sharoni SodaStream South Africa Speech stamps Superman Syria Tarabin Temple Mount Terrorism This is Zionism Thomas Friedman TOI Tomer Ilan Trump Tunisia Turkey UCI UK UN UNDP unesco unhrc UNICEF United Arab Emirates Unity unrwa UNRWA hate unrwa reports UNRWA-USA unwra Varda Vic Rosenthal Washington wikileaks work accident X-washing Y. Ben-David Yemen YMikarov zahran Ziesel zionist attack zoo Zionophobia Zvi

Blog Archive