Thursday, April 08, 2021

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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soccer ballJerusalem, April 8 - The Islamic council that administers the plateau they call the Haram al-Sharif, or Noble Sanctuary, and which endorses the use of the holy site for sports competitions, day camps, and other non-holy pursuits, aims to preserve the sanctity of the compound by preventing members of the Hebraic faith from engaging in devotional rituals when visiting.

Israel ceded administration of the Temple Mount, site of two ancient Jewish shrines, to the Waqf soon after gaining control of the location from Jordanian hands in June 1967. The Waqf has reciprocated by denying Jews the right to pray, or even look like they are praying, while atop the Mount, lest the venue for almost-daily soccer games, parkour demonstrations, races, dance parties, and other such activities have its holiness compromised by Jews uttering liturgical passages. The threat of violent riots underlies enforcement of those restrictions.

"It's very simple," explained Afr Tayid, a Waqf spokesman. "Jews can't just come here and perform their Talmudic rituals where our own publications boast is the location of two Jewish Temples, and expect us, the guardians of Islamic holiness, not to react by throwing rocks or firebombs, or otherwise trying to hurt Jews for being so presumptuous as to think they can not be under Islamic domination."

"Allah sees Muslims playing soccer as sacred," he continued. "In fact Allah sees anything Muslims do as sacred, which is why it matters not in the least what we do here in the Haram al-Sharif - whereas it matters intensely what Jews do, because Jews. I hope that makes everything clear."

Religious scholars noted that Mr. Tayid's explication of the theological principles in operation dovetails with a broader trend in which Muslims' actions that in other circumstances would qualify as barbaric, murderous, unjust, repressive, or rapacious instead become positive because Muslims are the ones performing those actions. "We see the same thing with, for example, mass rape, mass murder, and enslavement of non-Muslims across territory under control of the Islamic State," observed Wihaf Tawziye. "All the arguments about Islam being a liberating force, especially for women and minorities, go out the window when those women and minorities happen to be on the side that Islamic forces oppose in battle, but that's OK, religiously, because jihad is the Get Out of Prohibitions Free card. It's not just the Sunnis. Look at how Shiite Iran bankrolls and arms the perpetrators of some of the most heinous policies, but hey, it's in the name of Allah, so all's good."

"In the case of Jews," he added, "that just makes it worse. I mean, it's Jews."


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