You Can Have My Gun When You Pry It Out Of My Child’s Cold, Dead Hands by Sakmi Deek, Hamas fighter (PreOccupied Territory) ~ Elder Of Ziyon

Thursday, November 27, 2025

You Can Have My Gun When You Pry It Out Of My Child’s Cold, Dead Hands by Sakmi Deek, Hamas fighter (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Khan Yunis, November 27 - Hearing plenty of gab lately, about so-called "international bodies" agreeing to a plan to disarm our organization. Makes me laugh. No one's going to disarm us. You can have my weapons when you pry them out of the hands of my ten-year-old son.

You think some "multinational force" will take away our guns? No, you are all cowards who shrink from confronting our fierce warriors who will defy you, and you will do nothing, as usual, leaving it once again to the Israelis to do your work for you. Then, when they try, we will put the weapons in our children's hands and send them out to face the soldiers, who will defend themselves by shooting at our children, and we will cry that Israel is killing our children, and you will get angry again at Israel for killing children, and you will stop calling for our disarmament.

We have vast resources to prevent any such disarmament. Not only do I have a ten-year-old son from whom you must confiscate weapons, I have an eight-year-old daughter, a twelve-year-old daughter, and another son, fifteen - each of whom, and most likely all of whom, will carry those weapons. You will have to pry the guns from their cold, dead hands.

Oh, not just guns. Explosives, rocket-propelled grenades, knives, improvised mines, and even a crossbow or two, if I can remember where I put those. Rocks big enough to cause serious injury or death. Incendiary devices. Want them? Come get them. Make sure to shoot the children wielding them, or you're dead, too. Then we get to parade the images of dead children all over standard and social media, and ride the wave of outrage to further cement our hold on the Gaza Strip.

Did I mention clubs and pipes? We generally use those not against the Zionists, but against people in Gaza who refuse to pay us for food, shelter, medicine, and "protection," or who speak out against our way of doing things. But if you think you can replace our rule in Gaza, you'll have to pry those out of our children's cold, dead hands, as well. We start training them young - not just the well-documented classroom and kids'-TV indoctrination, but hands-on experience enforcing our authority in the territory.

Good luck with that, though, because, like the Israelis we killed on and after October 7, expect those kids to be booby-trapped.