Thursday, August 15, 2024
Elder of Ziyon
Kibbutz Nahal Oz, August 15 - The Israeli Military Engineer Corps unearthed the cord for your device that you couldn't remember misplacing, an army spokesman announced today.
IDF soldiers working to widen the empty area at the border between the Gaza Strip and Egypt demolished twenty buildings in the last several days, in the rubble of which they found your phone charger, said unit spokesman Colonel Matt Ein.
"In the course of work to secure the buffer zone for the long-term safety of our troops, Corps engineers found the item in the ruins of a three-story apartment building," stated Col. Ein. He noted that it matches the description of the one you forgot where you put it last month.
"It will be available at the Kissufim Base starting tomorrow," he added.
Israel has entrenched its military presence along the Gaza Strip's frontier with Egypt as part of a strategy to eliminate the resupply of weapons and other materials to Hamas and the other terrorist organizations operating in the territory. The IDF has discovered dozens of tunnels, some spacious enough to accommodate small trucks. The long-term operations to locate and neutralize the tunnels may take years, during which time the IDF will need an area clear of potential sniper positions in which to conduct the work.
You claim to have last used your phone charger late last week, perhaps Thursday afternoon, and since then cannot recall where you might have placed it. In the meantime, you have borrowed substitutes from increasingly-annoyed siblings, coworkers, roommates, and erstwhile friends, each of whom hoped you would decide quickly to simply replace the missing charger instead of continuing to pester them when they were not the ones who could not keep track of a simple piece of technology.
This week's discovery throws a wrench into the works of that expectation. Relief showed on the face of your nearest coworker, which transformed into dread upon his realization that you will in all likelihood decide to retrieve your charger from the IDF when you get the chance, and not acquire a replacement, which means that until that unknown time when you finally get your act together to go pick the damn thing up, you will continue to rely on the chargers of those around you and those around you are already sick of your irresponsible, freeloading ways.
Colonel Ein also announced the unit has uncovered a tremendous number of house and car keys, single socks, and that ninth-grade homework assignment you completed but failed to hand in and no one believed you when you swore up and down you'd done the work.
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