Poll Discovers That If You Redefine 'Zionism' As 'Strangling Puppies,' 98% Of Jews Oppose It (PreOccupied Territory) ~ Elder Of Ziyon

Sunday, November 23, 2025

Poll Discovers That If You Redefine 'Zionism' As 'Strangling Puppies,' 98% Of Jews Oppose It (PreOccupied Territory)

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Berkeley, November 22 - A groundbreaking new study of public opinion among American Jews found this week that if one takes a term that denotes the movement to develop, maintain, and defend Jewish sovereignty in the ancestral Jewish homeland, then one replaces that meaning with something negative, such as "racism," "genocide," or "jock itch," the overwhelming majority of American Jews will pit themselves against it.

The Sociology Department at the University of California at Berkeley conducted nine separate surveys among a nationwide cohort of Jews, in which the pollsters asked some version of the question, "If 'Zionism' is defined as [something appalling or unpleasant], do you support or oppose Zionism?" Only one in fifty of the 988 respondents gave a "support" answer, with all others opposing.

"This could transform everything the American public knows or assumes about Zionism," asserted lead researcher Hugh Jass. "Supporters of Israel like to tout statistics purporting that somewhere around ninety or ninety-five percent of Jews are Zionist. Well, we can prove that's not true - in fact that Zionism is toxic among Jews - by simply redefining 'Zionism' as something everyone opposes, such as strangling puppies, or microwaving fish in the shared office."

Left-wing and pro-Palestinian activists have been trying to accomplish just such a redefinition for many years. "The Soviet Union got the UN to equate Zionism with racism," recalled Yuri Nalisis, a former diplomat. "Within its own borders, the Soviet Union went to great lengths to equate Zionism with fascism, the bogeyman from the Great Patriotic War. There still remains the key hurdle of getting Jews to accept the redefinition, but one day, maybe we will get there. But these surveys do demonstrate that if such a redefinition takes hold, Jews abandon Zionism."

Analysts believe this approach shows promise far beyond the confines of attitudes toward Israel in the US. "If it holds, this had broad implications for politics in general," explained political podcaster Sacha Wannabe. "Not that controlling the vocabulary and narrative aren't already important - they are the first thing everyone tries to do, because it locks the opponent into terms friendly to your side and assumptions. This just takes things a step or two beyond that. Imagine defining 'abortion' as 'motherhood' - if you could do that, you could get even the reddest Republican to support it."

Numerous activists have declined to wait however long it would take for Jews to come around on the redefinition of Zionism, and have marshalled physical and rhetorical resources to act against Zionists on behalf of the 98% of Jews who oppose Zionism, if redefined.