Saudi Vice, episode 18: Pet Peeve

Dogs and cats are cute. And this is what makes them evil.

In addition, it is of course against Sharia law to own a dog as a pet.

But beyond that...what woman can resist petting an adorable dog or cat? It is impossible to imagine that she wouldn't, because women are so inherently weak.

Some unsavory Saudi men have noticed this female weakness, and have taken advantage of it. They would wantonly walk dogs in public areas, forcing chaste Saudi women - against their conscious will - to pet and coo over these hideous beasts that are denigrated in the holy hadiths. Once they pet the animals, it is only a short step to full-blown adultery with the dog owner.

So it is imperative that innocent Saudi women and girls be protected from their evil petting impulses. But how can we protect them?

Luckily, our heroes, the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice, have the solution. They have outlawed everyone in Saudi Arabia from owning pet dogs and cats.

Othman al-Othman, head of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice in Riyadh, known as the Muttawa, told the Saudi edition of al-Hayat daily that the commission was implementing a decision taken a month ago by the acting governor of the capital, Prince Sattam bin Abdul Aziz, adding that it follows an old edict issued by the supreme council of Saudi scholars.

The reason behind reinforcing the edict now was a rising fashion among some men using pets in public "to make passes on women and disturb families," he said, without giving more details.

Othman said that the commission has instructed its offices in the capital to tell pet shops "to stop selling cats and dogs".

Thanks to Allah and the Commission, innocent Saudi women can now walk the streets freely without being forced to stop themselves from petting dogs and cats.