Thursday, October 26, 2023

Our weekly column from the humor site PreOccupied Territory.

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Israel Destroyed Our High-Rises - Where Will We Throw Gays Off The Roof From Now?  
by Amr Safa
Khan Yunis, October 26 - The wasteland that the brutal Zionists have wrought in Palestine can never be forgiven. The horrendous loss of life, the rubble where homes once stood, the tall buildings from which we once pushed homosexuals, but alas, can no longer, because the Zionist bombs have demolished them.

A heinous crime! The international community must ensure that the Zionists are punished for this outrage!

Obviously not by throwing them from the roof of a tall building, but we can think of other ways, as you might surmise.

Please dispense with any suggestions that we can make use of shorter buildings, with lower rooftops, for the same purpose as we once used the high-rises. We have tried it, and the results were consistently disappointing. Even bound and unable to position themselves to minimize damage, the gays only sometimes died from the fall itself. We frequently had to take further measures to move the process along, such as beating them the rest of the way to death, or tying them to motorcycles and dragging them in the street until they completely expired, and then continued driving for a while because that's what homosexuality deserves. But the Zionists leave us no other option now.

How does anyone expect us to maintain morality with no tall buildings off of which to throw homosexuals? The depravity of the Zionists and their western backers occurs not in a vacuum of military brutality, which is bad enough, but represents a calculated campaign to undermine the morals of Islamic society, including Palestine, by preventing us from treating moral abominations with the disgust and demonstrativeness they deserve. They would even have us not beat our wives and not burn our sisters to death for conversing with men without our approval!

We vow now: we will rebuild. We always have. Granted, first Hamas has to get its cut, then all the necessary bribes, and skimming off the top by everyone whose hands the money even briefly touches, but we will rebuild. The global donors will always side with Palestine. They love us, which is why they close their gates when some of us might otherwise think of fleeing the Zionist genocide. We are so grateful! Please, send more money that can be turned into rubble in the next war. This is what your money is for! We still have gays to execute in the traditional manner.

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