The Narcissistic People

Time magazine has a feature this week on narcissism, talking about how small children are necessarily narcissistic:

Small children, by their very nature, are moral monsters. They’re greedy, demanding, violent, selfish, impulsive and utterly remorseless. They fight constantly with playmates and siblings but scream in pain and indignation if they’re attacked in return. They expect to be adored but not disciplined, rewarded but never penalized, cared for and served by parents and family without caring or serving reciprocally.

All of this is psychopathology of the first order–and narcissistic pathology in particular. There is the entitlement of narcissism, the egocentrism of narcissism, the bottomless appetite for attention and rewards of narcissism. And there’s the utter narcissistic numbness to how others suffer from your behavior. But it’s also a kind of narcissism that babies need for their very survival. Psychologists’ growing understanding of the roots and reasons for this behavior–and why some people never grow out of it–is providing insights into how best to manage the healthily narcissistic baby in your life, as well as the less healthily narcissistic adults.

I have previously described Palestinian Arabs as having the emotional maturity of toddlers, but I never really connected it to narcissism before. Yet this description, modified slightly, is dead-on:

Palestinian Arab society, in its very nature, creates moral monsters. Their members are greedy, demanding, violent, selfish, impulsive and utterly remorseless. They fight constantly with internal and external enemies but scream in pain and indignation if they’re attacked in return. They expect to be adored but not disciplined, rewarded but never penalized, cared for and served by the UN and other Arab countries without caring or serving reciprocally.

All of this is psychopathology of the first order–and narcissistic pathology in particular. There is the entitlement of narcissism, the egocentrism of narcissism, the bottomless appetite for attention and rewards of narcissism. And there’s the utter narcissistic numbness to how others suffer from your behavior.

Of course, not every Palestinian Arab acts like a spoiled child. Many of the more mature and ambitious ones moved out long ago, to Gulf countries and Europe, rather than being stuck in UNRWA camps taking handouts forever. But the way that the PLO and Hamas act - along with generations who have grown up with their culture of entitlement - shows that Arab narcissism is not genetic but learned.

Take the very basic human trait of empathy. While Israelis are expected to show empathy for the innocents of Gaza - and they indeed do - no one expects Palestinian Arabs to show empathy for the suffering of anyone. Look at the violent reactions to the very idea of teaching the Holocaust in UNRWA schools a few years ago, or the sickening reactions to a professor taking students to visit Nazi death camps only this year. This utter lack of empathy was documented by famed writer Martha Gellhorn as far back as 1961.

Narcissists don't have empathy. Narcissists need to be the center of attention. Narcissists are jealous when the world turns its attention elsewhere, so they do outrageous acts to refocus attention on them. Narcissists attack others but whine when they are attacked. Narcissists don't believe that the rules that everyone else lives by apply to them.

What is remarkable is that so many people take the side of the narcissists, enabling them to not only continue to act like spoiled children but empowering them to do even more outrageous deeds, secure that their selfishness will forever be rewarded.

However, in the case of Palestinians, the support that they receive isn't the type of adoration that Hollywood stars are likely to have - it isn't out of love of their cause. If that was so, there would be far more support for Palestinian Arabs suffering in Jordan, Lebanon, Syria and facing discrimination throughout the Arab world.

No, the Palestinian Arabs receive the bulk of their support not out of love but out of shared hate - seething, irrational hate of Israel.

This perfect storm of anti-Zionism and Palestinian Arab narcissism is self-enforcing. Until the world gets sick of coddling the selfishness and destructive nature of the Palestinian Arabs, there is no chance for peace.

Because you cannot reach a compromise with a party that believes that they deserve it all.